Monday, June 30, 2014

Triumph The Insult Comic Dog Watches the World Cup

Here's a couple videos of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog pooping all over soccer fans and the world cup. There's two videos, watch the both, laugh, have a tasty beverage, sit back and enjoy a little you time. You've earned it champ.

Friday, June 27, 2014

Jesse Dangerously: Bring your Girlfriend to Rap Day

I have the day off and this song rocks. That's all you need to know.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

New Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles trailer isn't helping

Excuse me if yesterday when this new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles trailer was released I didn't immediately watch it and reblog it. I haven't seen a rating on this thing yet but I hope it's marketed to kids. Dumb kids that don't know any better. Like the kind that grew up in the 90s thinking The Phantom Menace was a good movie (they exist, trust me!).

Would it have killed them to not have f-ed up the turtles faces? Was it that important that they put their stamp on the movie by making the main characters unrecognizable? I mean if you don't want to make a TMNT movie just make a movie about space ninjas and save us all the grief. Also, rocket powered skateboard? At least they got one thing right.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

She's all Links

From ‘Cruel Intentions’ to ‘She’s All That’: Why 1999 Was the Golden Year of Teen Movies. Man there really were a TON of teen movies released in 1999. I think I could watch Varsity Blues, Drop Dead Gorgeous, Cruel Intentions and 10 Things I Hate About You on infinite loop (with occasional intermissions of Josie and the Pussycats) and be perfectly happy for a weekend. Maybe the next time the wife and kids are away. Man, I really know how to party.

How one man's lies almost destroyed the comics industry. Back in 1954 Fredric Wertham wrote a book called The Seduction of the Innocent and he pretty much scared America off comic books. The short story here is that he made up a bunch of BS about how comic books were destroying the youth of today and people ATE IT UP. Of course it turned out to all be a bunch of BS, he was just making things up to sell books and get attention. Imagine everyone's shock when they found out there really weren't prostitutes setting up shop at comic book stores!

Max Landis Might’ve Pitched The Perfect Idea For ‘Ghostbusters 3′ On Twitter. Max Landis is kind of a blowhard/douche but man his 30 second pitch for Ghostbusters 3 is kinda awesome. At least the idea of a team of Ghostbusters made out of the cast of Anchorman or Parks and Rec is. Someone give me my Ron Swanson Ghostbuster figure NOW.

Paramount lays out its next two years of sequels and remakes. Are you ready for Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters 2: Electric Boogaloo? How about GI Joe 3? Hot Tub Time Machine 2: Hot Tubbier? Another Friday the 13th Reboot? Mission Freaking Impossible 5? Good grief Paramount, just take your ball and go home. You're losing at everything you're doing.

Hollywood's Leading Men by height

Look at me, I'm between RDJ and Johnny Depp!

I don't know, maybe it's because I've always wanted to be taller but I have always been interested in how tall people on TV or in Movies are. I wish there were a couple more guy on this list, like pretty much the entire cast of the Expendables. Jason Statham has always struck me as one of those guys that's probably like 5'5" or something. That's only fair though, if he was like 6'2" there wouldn't be any ladies left for the rest of us.

Monday, June 23, 2014

New Guardians of the Galaxy Star Wars Trailer

Some enterprising nerd made a trailer for Star Wars that hits all the same beats as the first Guardians of the Galaxy trailer. It's pretty good. I think a solid argument could be made that Hooked on a Feeling makes any trailer at least 50% better.

Friday, June 20, 2014

Malibu Shark Attack: The Review

Generally speaking I'm a poor reviewer of things but here we go.

Way back in January I saw a few of my favorite rappers at the Lo-Fi in Seattle. One of them, Tribe One, mentioned during his set that he had a new Album coming out soon, Malibu Shark Attack. Well the album is here and it hasn't left the CD player of my car all week.

Malibu Shark attack is actually a group comprised of Dublin based producer Rocky O'Reilly and the aforementioned nerdcore super bad-ass Tribe One. On the opening track Tribe One describes O'Reilly's sound as post electronica indiecore-syth pop so let's go with that. It's certainly nothing like you hear on the radio today but the beats are still pretty accessible. No one's going to confuse this album with the latest J Cole album but I wouldn't say it's so far away from traditional hip-hop that it needs a special category. Of course your mileage may vary. If Macklemore was raised by Wu-Tang then I was raised by MF Doom and non-traditional beats are kinda my jam. My definition of hip hop might be broader than most.

This is why I don't review things, I'm so far away from the point.

The first couple tracks on the Album, Better off as Friends and Yo Into New York are upbeat tracks that are going to get your head nodding. Tribe One always delivers clever lyrics and these songs a no exception. Yo Into New York has a verse on it by Jesse Dangerously that's so rad it had me scrambling to look up more of his stuff. The third track, Doing it Wrong, hit me right in the feels when I first heard it. On it Tribe One gets pretty personal about his motivations behind quitting his day job to make raps. Right now I'm kind of struggling with my day job and I'm not spending enough time drawing so everything he says about the desire to make art and the feeling on wasting your life in a traditional 9-5 rang true. But enough about me, the song is super dope. It's smart, honest and heartfelt. It's everything music should be but rarely is.

The next few songs on the album have appearances from MC Lars and Adam WarRock. I'm 99.9% sure the song BDMTHRFCKR is all about Jules from Pulp Fiction's wallet. It didn't hit me in the feels like Doing it Wrong did but it's a killer track. Rocky O'Reilly really throws the kitchen sink at it. It's the most uptempo song on the album and has a chorus you really want to sing along with (swearing's fun kids!).

Dizzy Dustin from Ugly Duckling shows up on Plans for the Weekend which was an unexpected surprise. I still can't believe UD never made the leap to mainstream. The Album starts to close out with a self titled song that has one of my favorite opening verses ever. The last song Monsters Under Your Bed has pretty much the only chorus on the album that I don't really like but the verses are so solid that I let it slide on this one track. But just this one track, ok?

So there you go, Malibu Shark Attack. 10 stars. You should buy it here. Or don't buy it, take Tribe One's own advice: "save your money until you're sure I deserve it, until then download, torrent and burn it". Or at the very very least you should check out the video for Better Off as Friends below

Thursday, June 19, 2014

No Life Forms Aboard

The Brotherhood workshop put together a little 1 minute lego mini movie that provides us with a more logical conclusion to Star Wars. Thank goodness everyone that works for the Empire is an idiot. EVERYONE.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Video Game: The Movie is a thing I will tolerate

For better or worse, Video Game: The Movie is a thing that exists. A documentary about video games should be right in my wheel house but I don't know.. being produced by Zack Braff doesn't exactly get my gpu running. Of course Chris Hardwick and Wil Wheaton show up in the thing too.. I don't know. I mean I enjoy @midnight as much as the next guy but jeez, I don't need a movie full of D-list nerdlebrities telling me how full of "art" video games are. Give me 90 minutes of coked up Atari programmers and Sony execs sticking it to Nintendo with the PS1 after negotiations over the SuperFamicon CD drive fell apart. I'm just saying if they spend more time talking with Cliffy B about GOW than they do covering revolutionary failures of hardware like the Dreamcast or the Neo-Geo then this whole thing is a giant failure.

Pro-Tip for all game developers out there: When you describe video games as art and then release day 1 DLC you're kinda talking out both sides of your ass.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

American Links

HBO exec explains why they aren't making that American Gods series. With the critical and commercial success of Game of Thrones a lot of book nerds were excited about HBO adapting Neil Gaiman's bestseller American Gods into a TV series. After a year or two of development HBO ended up passing. Their reasons are pretty good. Hopefully the show will still get picked up somewhere. It's one of the few books I've read recently that I felt was screaming for a movie/tv adaption as I was reading it.

Modder Finds Files for Better Graphics in Watch Dogs’ PC Version. Remember how 2 years ago Watch Dogs blew everyone away with a super bad ass trailer at E3 and when the game finally came out this year everyone was like, meh? Turns out Ubisoft nerfed the game on purpse. A modder found a bunch of left over textures hidden in the game files that improve the games graphics.

One of two things probably happened here. Either they made the game look worse on PC so it would port better to Xbone and PS4 or they developed for hardware specs that never happened. Either way the PC master race kind of got screwed on this one. Maybe once it's all settled down Ubi will release a patch that improves the graphics to where they should be.

28 of the Best Burgers of the Day From ‘Bob’s Burgers’. I'm sooo sad. This weekend I watched the last Bob's Burgers available on Netflix. It's been my go to show for midnight feedings the last month or two. I've tried Attack on Titan but it's a bit too serious for 1am, plus all the subtitles. I've also tried Venture Bros but man the animation and pacing on the first season is ROUGH. Orphan Black is too long... I don't know. I never did watch the new season of Arrested Development. That should last what, a week?

12 Video Game Annoyances That Need to Die (Part 1). Ugh.. I'm so tired of pay to play games. Every game I download on the kindle for my son is jacked up with pay to play bs. I'd gladly pay 9.99 or whatever for Angry Birds Go if they would just let me/him play the game. As it stands you have to play for HOURS if you want to unlock the cars you need to unlock the last couple levels and after you've raced 5 times then you either have to stop playing for 30 minutes or pony up some Gems, which cost a fortune. And that's not even getting to the telepods... damn telepods.

Guardians of the Galaxy UK Trailer

So here's the 2nd UK, or international trailer, for Guardians of the Galaxy. It has a bit of new footage in it, which is cool, but it's missing the 70s americana rock, which isn't cool. I've gone back and re-read some of my old Guardians of the Galaxy trades (the new old ones by Abnett and Lanning not the old old ones from the 70s) and those books are even crazier (and better) than I remember. No way half of that stuff is getting into the movie.

For instance I completely forgot about the talking cosmonaut dog Cosmo that overseas the security of Knowhere, you know, the city built inside a dead celestial's head. Based on the trailer it looks like Knowhere is actually in the movie but I'm going to go ahead and assume right now that Cosmo isn't.

I wonder where the Disney suits decided to draw the line. Was Mantis out because they already cast on bald girl in Nebula? Like could they only use 2 of out of Cosmo, Bug, Rocket and Groot? If so I think they choose the right ones.

Monday, June 16, 2014

Animals Dancing to Push It by Salt N Peppa

Here's some animals dancing to Push it by Salt N Peppa. If the US lose to Ghana today this is the last post you're Ghana see from me this week, the rest of the week will be spent crying in the basement eating a big block of cheese. This was supposed to be the Summer of George Kevin!

The Cup o Noodles Samurai has crazy soccer skills

Remember last week when I was talking about big events and how it's an excuse for lazy marketing people to shout out "hey remember our completely unrelated product when enjoying the World Cup"? No? Well allow the Nissin Cup O' Noodles samurai to dazzle you with his footie skills. Don't forget nothing going better with the world cup than dehydrated noodles and condensed chicken broth!

Happy Belated Father's Day

Friday, June 13, 2014

Far Cry 4: E3 Gameplay

Another game that made a big splash at E3 this year was Far Cry 4. I have yet to play Far Cry 3. I'm waiting for both a new video card (come on summer santa!) and a steam sale where I can pick it up for like $3.99. I figure in less than 2 years I'll totes be checking out Far Cry 4.

Get off my Lawn

Thursday, June 12, 2014

How a Tower Crane Works

Ever wonder how a tower crane works? I've had the process explained to me before but I've never seen it in such a tidy little video.

I know this isn't the most exciting thing ever but I'm maintaining a strict internet blackout until I can get home to see if the plucky Croatians were able to pull off an upset over Brasil.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Let's all be futbol fans

One of my favorite things about a big sporting event is how advertisers try to link their product to the event or team, no matter how inane it might be. Like Kinkos is your official copy store of Superbowl XXIV and that's supposed to mean that if you want Superbowl quality copies you better get your ass to a Kinkos, or some nonsense.

With that in mind here's a Kia commercial about the World Cup and, oh I don't know, Adriana Lima's legs? Hey, advertising campaigns have been started with less. Looking at you Geico Gecko.

The Game of Zelda, or The Legend of the Thrones

Here's a fun little animation for you. It's the Legend of Zelda done in the style of the Game of Thrones intro. Have we ever talked about how perfect the intro for Game of Thrones is? It really is the best into to a TV show since the A-Team. Reading the books you have no idea how many times I had to look at the stupid maps just to figure out where everything is. Did you know Dragonstone was like 2 miles away from Kings Landing? It's right there, you can see Russia from it and everything.

Why it's hard to love the World Cup

So this John Oliver rant is 2 days old, which in internet terms is like 3 months but with the World Cup starting tomorrow I thought it was a good time to upload it. There's like a thousand things about it to love. Scrooge McDuck references, penis jokes, pratfalls, John Oliver swearing, good times.

So enjoy the World Cup, FIFA is massively crooked and screwing over poor citizens left and right. DON'T TREAD ON ME, USA USA USA!

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Zelda Wii U, E3 Trailer

Nintendo is sort of blowing up the internet right now with their presentation at E3. New Zelda, a bunch of Mario Spin offs, Disney Infinity 2.. stuff like that. Here's the trailer for the new Legend of Zelda game. I'm telling you right now, in a world where I have money to spare I'd buy a Wii U in a heartbeat. My son is just about of age to really enjoy games like Mario Cart and if I want to play Battlefield 15: Battlefield Harder & Buggier I could always play it on PC.

So now that I have a plan I just need like $300. Anyone want to start a goFundme for me?

Monday, June 9, 2014

Star Wars Battlefront: Official 2014 E3 Trailer

There were quite a few things announced at E3 today and I don't have time to go over them all so lets go over the one that interests me the most. Star Wars Battlefront. I like Star Wars, I like 1st person shooters, I like Star Wars 1st person shooters (or at least I did before Lucasarts went belly up, so a new Star Wars 1st person shooter made by the guys that created Battlefield? Here, take my wallet. There's nothing in there but I think I have some fuel reward points on my Safeway card.

I really wish this trailer had just a tiny bit more game footage but I guess in this case I'll take what I can get. When can I blow up some AT-STs?

The Seattle Symphony Likes Big Butts

Here's Sir-Mix-A-Lot performing Baby got back with the Seattle Symphony all while a bunch of middle aged white ladies who look like the kind of people that enjoy a night at the symphony shake their asses. Enjoy?

Friday, June 6, 2014

Crumbling Links

Watch Detroit crumble before your eyes. I'm sure even with the multiple economic crotch punches Detroit has taken over the years there are still plenty of nice places to live. These are not them. In half of these pictures I kept expecting to see Lord Humongous or Master Blaster pop up.

Hundreds of Cities Are Wired With Fiber—But Telecom Lobbying Keeps It Unused. Well this is depressing. Long story short there are quite a few cities out there that have high speed fiber optic cables run but the regional cable company are strong arming the city government into keeping high speed internet providers off of it. Don't worry, I'm sure this will get worked out for the best. I mean local government is always looking out for what's best for it citizens, right?

A Complete Ranking Of All Of Kevin Arnold’s Romantic Interests On ‘The Wonder Years’. Wait just a minute here. Kevin Arnold got to make out with a young Carla Gugino and a pre-Areosmith Alicia Silverstone ? That lucky bastard.

What's the consensus on The Wonder Years? I know I watched it in jr high but outside of the Star Trek episode I don't remember a single thing about it. Worth watching again or too much of a time commitment?

How to Build Your Own Do-Anything 4K-Capable Desktop. I'm really bummed that the new sliding glass door I had to buy put the kibosh on upgrading my PC. I mean there's no way I was going to go whole hog and upgrade to 4K but man for $500 or so bucks you can put together one slick little gaming machine. Oh well, I guess I'll have to be happy that I just recently found my mame disc and all my roms. It's about time I beat The Simpsons game again.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Amazon has a Kindle phone coming your way

So Amazon put out this "mysterious" commercial last night hyping up their next big product. Spoiler alert: It's a phone. I don't have any insider knowledge or anything but come on, it's a phone. Right around the 0:42 mark you can see the outline of the top of the device and it's totes phone shape. Nice work Amazon. You really surprised us with the thing that you've been rumored to be making for the last 2 years.

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

... The Blurst of Times: Halt and Catch Fire

Having finally caught up on all those episodes of Total Divas that have been sitting on my DVR has provided me with ample opportunities to explore the depths of hip cable network's summer programing (spoiler: Comedy Bang Bang is awesome). With "..the Blurst of Times" I'll tell you all about whatever show I watched the night before, preferably at 2 in the morning while feeding baby girl.

Halt and Catch Fire is AMC's newest effort to cash in on some of that Mad Men skrilla. It's a fictionalized retelling of the power struggle between IBM and the PC clone pioneers of the 1980s. Until they come up with a TV show about the comic boom and crash of the 90s, I'm not sure there will ever been a show more in my wheelhouse. Too bad I found the pilot episode sooooo disappointing.

The three main characters in the show (pictured above) are such 2-dimensional stereotypes I'm surprised this wasn't written by Michael Bay. In fact 2-dimensional might be giving them too much credit. Basically the show stars Dickhead Steve Jobs, Family Man Steve Wozniak and Angelina Jolie from Hackers. It's almost cartoonish how clearly each characters personalities are written on their sleeves and how the writers are going to beat them into your thick PC using skull (I assume this was written on macbook airs). The plot follows Dickhead Jobs as he moves from IBM to some fictional computer maker with the intent of cloning the sacred IBM bios and revolutionizing the PC industry. Of course the only two that can help him are a sexy/punk rock know-it-all computer engineering drop out (who he screws in the first 10 minutes of the show) and a beaten down genius who's afraid to rock the corporate boat because he has a mortgage and kids.

I could feel my DVR unprogramming the show on its own when we're introduced to the plucky young engineer. Dickhead Jobs is questioning a room of students about the future of computing and LOW AND FREAKING BEHOLD SHE HAS ALL THE ANSWERS INCLUDING PREDICTING THE INTERNET AND SHE HAS A SWAGGER ABOUT HER THAT SAYS SHE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT SOCIETIES EXPECTATIONS.

Yes, the scene was acted in capslocks.

On a scale of Sandra Bullock's The Net (1) to PBS's Triumph of the Nerds (10), I'll give Halt and Catch Fire a Windows 2000. Yeah it's better than NT but none of your drivers work, so have fun with that.

Monday, June 2, 2014

New Mortal Kombat X Trailer

Here's the new Trailer for Mortal Kombat X that facebook is telling me is trending super hard right now. I'm going to flat out say this right now, this trailer is the worst kind of trailer. Is this gameplay footage? CGI cutscene for no reason? Does it tell you or show you anything about the game that you might not already have imagined a new Mortal Kombat game would have in it? I guess it's pretty to look at?

Also whats the point of showing a guy getting his kneecap broke if he immediately started jumping and flipping around like it was no big deal? When did Sub Zero become John Cena?

Last Friday's Links (that I'm finally getting to)

Chloe Bennet In ‘Esquire’ Is A Good Reason To Catch Up With ‘Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D.’ Chloe Bennet is definitely not unattractive, but the best reason to catch up with Agents of SHIELD (I refuse to use all that punctuation) is because the show got really good near the end. SHIELD kind of pulled a reverse Heroes. Heroes had tremendous build up and then just shit the bed with a terrible season finale while SHIELD stumbled and bumbled its way through the build up but had a really excellent final act that they were smart enough to stretch over the last 5 or 6 episodes. If the season had been 10 or 12 episodes I think everyone would have considered it an outstanding debut season. As it was, there was so much filler in the first 15 episodes that I'm afraid a lot of people wrote the show off completely.

Empty THQ Building. File this under weird but interesting. When THQ went out of business they left a bunch of stuff in their corporate office, a reditors company is moving into the offices and he took a bunch of pictures of all the things they left behind. Including what looks like a 7 foot Warhammer statue. Why would they leave all that stuff behind?

Under Armour makes X-Men compression shirts. A couple of these are pretty awesome. If they weren't $60 I'd think about getting one for winter soccer games. The compression shirt I wear now has this giant hole in the armpit and that's not comfortable. Of course the scam of compression shirts has kept me from replacing it. Seriously.. lets add some spandex to cotton and we can charge 5 times the cost of a regular shirt!

Your Princess Is in Another Castle: Misogyny, Entitlement, and Nerds. Last week there was A LOT of talk on the internet about Misogyny, Harassment, Feminism, etc. That lunatic who shot a bunch of people and stabbed his roomates because he was a nice guy and ladies didn't like him sparked a lot of discussion. This article by Jeopardy super contestant Arthur Chu does a great job of pointing out how media has sort of let a generation of introverts down.

I believe that everyone is responsible for their own decisions but recently I've felt like books, movies, tv shows, even music have set up a lot of introverted kids for failure when it comes to connecting with the other sex (ie. I'm talking boys and girls here). There's an unrealistic expectation of what relationships should be and how a successful one even starts. The example he gives from Revenge of the Nerds is probably the worst thing ever and is mind bottling that it ever made it into a popular film.

Bring Reading Rainbow Back for Every Child, Everywhere. If you were on the internet or even watched any local news last week, you probably saw that Levar Burton and Reading Rainbow put out a Kickstarter last week and completely blew the doors off their expectations. It took all of 2 days for them to be at 2 million dollars. Well, the Kickstarter is still going and their long term goal is 5 million so if you want to donate there's plenty of time. If you didn't watch the video and just heard about the story you should check it out, it's both heartwarming and funny. Make sure you stick around for the Brent Spiner cameo.


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