Monday, May 31, 2010

Scott Pilgrim Vs My Indifference II

Ok so the new Scott Pilgrim Vs the World trailer has my attention. It looks pretty clever and as long as it's not hipsteriffic like say 500 days of summer was I'm in.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Iron Baby wins some internet

I'm on vacation, so consider Iron Baby extra credit.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

It's got Ninja skills

I'm gonna be busy today, here's a Cat.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

You have got to be kidding me

Earlier today I made a joke about Heidi Montag/Pratt taking Megan Fox's role in Transformers 3. I believe I compared her to a set of wiper blades (checks blog.. yep wiper blades). Well either she's one of the 12 people that read my blog or great minds think alike cause here she is auditioning for Michael Bay via the youtubes (at least I think this is for Transformers 3, it kinda sounds like the guy says Transmorphers which is a great movie in it's own right).

Obviously she's never seen the previous 2 Transformer movies, or else she would skip the gun play and go straight to the braless running.

Who replaces Toe Thumbs?

"ladies, here's how you wash my car. First get a bucket of warm water.. no, warmer."

So earlier this week (or was it last week?) the internets were SHOCKED and BLOWN AWAY to find out that Megan Fox had been fired from (and or quit) Transformers 3. I know, this is huge right? Well never fear, there have already been some names floated out that might take her place. I thought we'd take this time together to look at some of the reported hopefuls. After all being Mrs Shia La Beef in the next robot rock'em sock'em is easily the greatest job any actress could hope for.

Ok, I'll be honest with you. I could care less about Transformers 3, there's nothing going on today so I thought I'd run with this.

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley

Pros: Victoria Secret Model, Jason Statham's girlfriend.
Cons: Has never acted before, to skinny, regular sized thumbs.

Brooklyn Decker

Pros: Victoria Secret Model and sports illustrated cover girl
Cons: Andy Roddick's wife. is in an upcoming Adam Sandler movie

Heidi Pratt

Pros: made entirely out of silicone and carbon fiber
Cons: so are wiper blades

CGI Megan Fox

Pros: she trends well on google search
Cons: can only wash your car "virtually"

Chick from Avatar

Pros: in 3d!
Cons: will get you sued. kinda flat chested

Silicone Implants

Pros: Boobs!
Cons: all T and no A


Pros: huge built in fan-fic fan base
Cons: I've been told she was already in the second movie, but who the hell could tell with all the black and grey robots smashing together. Not to mention the shaky camera work and all the explosions. I mean honestly, has Michael Bay even seen a Transformers Cartoon?

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Clint Dempsy is a cry baby

I've been dying to run this pic. Finally a story that justifies it.

Last year ESPN commenter John Harkes finally color commentated something interesting when he called out Clint Dempsey for looking lazy and disinterested during the Confederations Cup. It was the first time anyone on ESPN had said anything interesting about soccer since Wynalda got fired for slicing and dicing Bruce Arena in 2006. Well guess who's firing back (like 8 months later).

"He criticized me in [Confederations Cup] for looking tired and said I should be benched, but I was top three in distance covered in the whole tournament.. It’s funny that he criticized me so much and yet I feel like I’ve done more in my international career than he has. Just compare our national-team stats. I’ve also scored in a World Cup, scored three goals in Confederations Cup, and got the Bronze Ball for third-best player in the whole tournament. Look at what he’s done."


Yes lets look at what John Harkes has done. Last year in the Confederations Cup he correctly pointed out that Clint Dempsey looked lazy and disinterested. Harkes was right, Clint was infuriating during that tournament. He refused to track back, he didn't make decisions quickly, was careless with the ball and somehow was still our most effective offensive player. Imagine how we could have done if he had put in the slightest bit of effort.

How about this Deuce? You shut your hole, score goals and let us fans sit back and ogle your wife. You think you can manage that?

BP thinks that oil spill is high-larious

Ok, so these tweets probably aren't really from the real BP but who cares? Reality is boring and full of crying babies and Germans. I'd much rather live in a fantasy world with unicorns and ponies and ponies riding unicorns. Maybe then I could have got a copy of Red Dead Redemption today today on my lunch break. Yeah, I should have pre-ordered a copy thanks random automaton at Gamestop. Maybe you shouldn't have majored in Medieval History.

Check out the BP Public Relations twitter here.

Back to the Future ftw

This just blew my mind. I've seen this movie a hundred times and I've never noticed that twin pines mall sign. I bet that almost nobody ever notices it, yet the fimakers still took the time to do it and that makes it awesome. I wish more movie makers paid this kind of attention to the small details. Oh, and I wish Michael Bay was a bum and I wish for a thousand more wishes! In your face genie.

image via TheHighDefinite

Snicks eating a pickle

Yesterday was a crappy day. But today... well today started off with this rad picture of Snookie eating a pickle so you tell me. best day ever? best day ever.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Lost Review, spoiler and angst free

According to a facebook poll I took this morning (ie. reading updates) most people didn't like the finale of Lost. The majority of haters seemed to be unhappy with either the ammount of answers the shows finale actually gave us or what the flash-sideways ended up really being. Me, I loved the finale for what it was instead of hating it for what it wasn't. About 10 episodes ago I became resigned to the fact that the series wasn't going to answer all the questions it had been asking over the last 6 seasons. I think that the show was never about the answers but was more about the characters and their responses to the questions. Once I accepted that, I started enjoying the last season a lot more.

there's my 2 cents, not that you asked. which you should have. I mean not everything is about you is it?

Friday, May 21, 2010

Lost but with Cats

Just when you think nothing can beat google pac-man, someone throws in cats re-enacting Lost. Enjoy this before the season finale ruins everything and all the nerds revolt.

Free Pac Man!

Yeah I know, there's like a thousand flash based sites that let you play pac-man for free but how many of them also let you surf for porn? Really, that many? Oh well, go to the google homepage anyway and get your pac-man on.

The Empire already struck back

So this youtube video has been making the rounds lately, kinda like your mom (hoo haaa!). It's a fan made trailer for the 1950s version of the Empire Strikes Back that never existed. It's awesome and George Lucas sucks.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

3 Thoughts with Nike

A. this comercial makes me want to run through a brick wall.

B. love that the US players are relegated to reading a newspaper

C. did Nike miss Ronaldinho's World Cup snub?


Nerds worldwide became a bit more flaccid yesterday when it was announced that Megan Fox was fired from transformers 3. Most blogs and gossip sites claim it's because last summer while promoting Transformers 2 she said it was a pretty crappy movie and compared Michael Bay's behavior on set to that of Hitler (why does everyone forget Stalin? You think Stalin is in hell shaking his fist every time someone compares someone evil to Hitler? I think he does, then while he's distracted, Hitler pantses him. Hitler is totally a dick that way).

Update! Megan Fox now says leaving the movie was her idea

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The Batman Porno... again

Ok, my last post was far to wordy. So here you go, a second surprisingly safe for work trailer to the Batman Porno. Man this thing looks just like the TV show, it's uncanny and more than a bit creepy.

BTW, Axel Braun may have just replaced Rusty Shackleford as my go to alias.

Hurt Lock Producer's kind of a douche

picture unrelated.. but awesome

It was reported last week that the studio behind Academy Award winner The Hurt Locker was about to drop the ban hammer on a bunch of torrent nerds. They're preparing a giant lawsuit against tens of thousands of people that downloaded their film (and a couple other crap fests no one has heard of) illegally. Well, concerned movie watcher and probable bit-torrent user, Nicholas (last name withheld) wrote a relatively nice letter to one of the Hurt Locker's producers in response to the lawsuit.

"I wish to register my disagreement with these tactics, and would like you to know that as a result of these actions I am boycotting your films. The majority of the people you are suing were not seeking to make money from their downloads, and will be financially devastated by a lawsuit or settlement. While it is completely understandable that Voltage Pictures wishes to defend its intellectual property, this is an inhumane way of doing so."

That doesn't sound to crazy. I mean it's hard to defend stealing, but do Movie studios really want to start suing viewers? Here's Hurt Lock Producer Nicolas Chartier's response.

"Hi Nicholas, please feel free to leave your house open every time you go out and please tell your family to do so, please invite people in the streets to come in and take things from you, not to make money out of it by reselling it but just to use it for themselves and help themselves..."

Here's where it really gets good

"...I hope your family and your kids end up in jail one day for stealing so maybe they can be taught the difference. Until then, keep being stupid, you’re doing that very well. And please do not download, rent, or pay for my movies, I actually like smart and more important HONEST people to watch my films."

That's right, the punishment for downloading a movie should be your kids in jail. This is why I just make a copy of everything I rent via netflix, then sell the copies to Mexico. At least that's what I used to before NAFTA, stupid democrats.

Check out the full letters at FilmDrunk

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Quick Lucas, release the lawyers!

Dale Peterson means business*

I've always felt like I should run for some sort of elected office. The health care is great, you get a company car and if you're crooked you can make money hand over fist.

I bet my ads would be similar to Dale Peterson's only I wouldn't be running for Agriculture Commissioner of Alabama. I'd be running for Secretary of Keeping it Real or Vice President of Activities, those are higher than a Senator right?

* there's a %99 chance that business includes shooting "mehicans"

Monday, May 17, 2010

Pin Up these Links

Twisted Princesses. I would watch 100 percent more disney movies if they included zombies and beheadings. As an unrelated question, what's 100 percent of zero?

ThunderCats as Hello Kitty. Like most nerd men my age I had a huge crush on Cheetara. However, after seeing Hello Kitty Cheetara I now feel ashamed and unclean.

Disney Ladies in sexy comic style. Finally someone took the initiative to sex up tinkerbell a bit. No surprise J Scott Campbell drew these, In fact knowing that I'm surprised at how tame these are. No lesbian kisses or nipples anywhere.

.. The Blurst of Times

Having a fussy 6 month old has provided me with ample opportunities to watch absolute garbage TV shows at 2 in the morning. With "..the Blurst of Times" I'll tell you all about whatever horrible abortion of a TV show I watched the night before.

Dracula 3000 stars Casper Van Dien, Erika Eleniak and Coolio. Do I really need to continue? Ok, your loss. The movie starts out like EVERY space horror film ever. There's a derelect ship floating through space and it's up to Casper Van Dien's crew to salvage the ship and find out what happened. The twist here is that Dracula happened.

My favorite part of this assgrab of a film (other than Casper Van Dien's 5 o'clock shadow) is that Coolio's character is named 187, I would imagine after the police code for homicide. Of course since it's a thousand years into the future it makes as much sense as if my nickname was out of the Corpus Hermetica (it's a greek literature joke, I can be very high brow). Did I mention Coolio loves weed in this movie? Did I need to?

On a scale of 1 to when I fell asleep this movie scores a hefty 45 minutes. Once Coolio turned into some sort of jugallo vampire I knew it was time to call it a night.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Now that's a spicy Volcano!

Icelander and possible Bjork keyboardist, Sean Stiegemeier was frustrated at the various “mediocre” photos of that volcano in Iceland. Remember that one that dominated the news until the good old US of A decided to start dumping crude into the gulf of Mexico? Anyhoo, Sean took some kick ass pics. Here they are all timelapsy and stuff.

Total Recall; the Musical

I know this is a couple days old but it's awesome nonetheless. My 6 month old son was riveted to the computer when we watched this last night and he hasn't even seen Total Recall, yet.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Save the Links Save the World

The Bearded Gentleman. Sorry hipsters, moustaches are still creepy. However, beards are still awesome.

The Cars of Playboy Playmates. So every Playboy Playmate of the year has received a free car. Jalopnik takes a look at all the sweet rides (and yes this girl is sitting on a pink '69 Shelby GT500 Fastback).

Heroes Canceled? Oh man, please let this be true. I have the last two episodes of the last season still unwatched taking up space on my DVR. If it gets canceled I don't have to watch them. yea me!

Iron Man 2 mini review

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

To be fair, names are hard

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Fake Science > Real Science

Be sure to check out more at Fake Science

Monday, May 10, 2010

Frank Frazetta (1928-2010)

Legendary artist Frank Frazetta died from a stroke this morning. Frazetta had been drawing winged horses and slave ladies fighting sabertooth tigers decades before anyone thought it would be cool to photoshop a bear riding a shark or put three wolves on a t-shirt. He has left behind an incredible legacy and any artist that ever draws a hot chick in chains or sweaty muscle man fighting an animal should pay his estate like a dime, or at least a nickel.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Siete de Mayo Links

11 music stars who are technically 1-hit wonders. Weezer? Say it aint sooo-ooo-ooo!

Abbey Clancy makes her world cup prediction. Lets face it, I had you at Abbey Clancy didn't I?

XXtreeme Dog Grooming. This is for a certain someone at work who gave their dog a mohawk and then said the dog and I were twins.

It's like Full Metal Jacket with Bunnies

This is a bit of an oldie but a goodie. In 2009 ADV published a manga called Cat Shit one that was sort of a Maus for the Vietnam War (or G-Force for people not mentally challenged). From all I've heard the manga is excellent but the publisher went bankrupt and currently there are no plans to bring a translated version over to the US. Of course who needs to read when you can watch TV?

Studio Anima is bringing a CGI animated series to the US under the name Apocalypse Meow (skip to the 40sec mark on the video). It's due in late 2010 and will probably go straight to DVD. I could try and come up with more details that that would involve clicking on a link to Aintitcool and there's no way I'm doing that. I've already showered once this morning.

BTW, Apocalypse Meow? Cat Shit One? I didn't see a single cat in that video.

thanks to ComicsAlliance on this one

Thursday, May 6, 2010

If Super Mario Bros was made in 2010

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Transformers: War for Cybertron

This game looks pretty cool right? I'm not just looking at it through 1980s/rose colored glasses am I? It seems here activision is just trying to recreate Halo multiplayer with Transformers. If there was only some way you could put all the Transformers in cowboy hats I wouldn't have to buy this and Red Dead Redemption.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Screw Work, it's Star Wars Day!

I guess it's Star Wars day, you're supposed to go up to people and say May the 4th be with you. Get it? Cause it's May 4th (groan).

Me, I'm declaring this random Star Wars picture day because my random star wars image folder is starting to look a little full. Enjoy.



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