Transformers in a nutshell

"Help! I'm in a nutshell! How did I get into this bloody great big nutshell? What kind of shell has a nut like this?" What we're not doing Austin Powers quotes again? Damn it when will that come back around, I saw that movie like 10 times.

Grown Up Alien Ninja Turtles

If you've been paying any attention to the blog this week, you already know Michael Bay is producing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie called Ninja Turtles where the turtles are from space (don't worry bro, the backstory will be rich and complex), also they're not really teenagers they just act like it.

I thought it was a bad idea until I saw the new intro. I think it's pretty sweet.

Links in a half shell

Michael Bay doesn't understand what a mutant is. Because God hates nerds, Michael Bay is producing a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie where the Turtles aren't actually mutants but space aliens. When asked why he hates nerds Bay reportedly CGI dropped some sunglasses on his face and said deal with it.

Minnesota Teen Asks a bunch of porn stars to his prom, on twitter. Tell me Sandy Cage isn't the best pornstar name out there? Works great for a boy or a girl!

How much do you pay for each of those channels you don't watch. The math here is way way off, but the topic and discussion that follow is very interesting. No matter how much you may hate cable bundling, if we didn't have it all we'd be left with is 10 channels full of Nascar and According to Jim reruns. What would I do without Ninja Warrior and live Comic-Con coverage?

25 hilarious vintage comic book covers. Funny how in almost all of these Superman is being a dick.

Need for Speed trailer is all Michael Bay all the time

Michael Bay should really give up the whole ruining people's childhood memories thing he's got going on and stick to directing video game trailers. This new trailer for the new Need for Speed game is pretty awesome. I haven't bought a racing game since GT3, but this might be worth a rent at least. That is assuming all the Battlefield 3 servers go down for a couple days.. which I could totally see happening.

Links are cool

Matt Smith Signs on for another Season of Doctor Who. There's really not much more to this story than the lead suggests. Still it's great news and I wanted to share it. Also if you haven't been watching Doctor Who, or you don't get BBC America, netflix has season 5 streaming. Go watch it.

Michael Bay is not a sexist pig, says Hot Piece. I love the follow up file. So LaBeef said Megan Fox quit Transformers because Michael Bay's relatively sexist. The new female lead no one has ever heard of before being cast in this piece of crap says he's awesome.... I'm sure he is.

Oracle is stronger than Batgirl ever will be. I ranted poorly about this yesterday(I think I edited and re-edited that post about 20 times). This is a far more poignant and coherent argument for Oracle than I could ever write.

Wii U, yeah it's called the Wii U. I'm actually intguiged at the ungodly mess the Wii U looks to be. I have no idea how you're going to play multiplayer games with this thing but it could be really really cool. I really like the idea of being able to play it via the tablet controler while my wife is watching 90210 reruns.

the new Megan Fox sucks

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, best known for being not Megan Fox in the new movie Transformers: Dark of the Moon, is on the cover of this month's Complex Magazine. I read most of the article about her and I have a couple thoughts. First, she's not attractive. I used to think she was just weird looking but now I'm convinced she's just fugly. I'm guessing a large portion of the CGI budget is going to go into making her face look less goofy.

Second thought is that someone in PR forgot to tell her that "hot" chicks are supposed to pander to nerds right before their big movie opens.

Did you watch Transformers cartoons to prepare for your role?
No. I’ve seen the Transformers movies before, but I haven’t seen the cartoons or played with the toys. I grew up on a farm in the southwest of England. I think I had about two toys my whole childhood. I was in the woods, riding my bike and my horse.

Do you think Transformers role-play when they have sex?
Do I think they role-play when they have sex? [Laughs.] What, like Bumblebee and Optimus Prime? No! ’Cause there’s no lady Transformers!

Yes there are.
I don’t know. It’s not in the movies. They’re all males. No, I don’t reckon they do. I don’t think they have sex.

Are they sure they weren't interviewing Michael Bay?

Back to my original point, I just can't get over how weird looking she is. She doesn't even have big boobs. I swear I'm not seeing Dark of the Moon just because of her... Just kidding, I won't be seeing it cause it looks like ass.

Get Bay'ed

The Michael Bayifier will take any old boring picture you have (like this one of me playing soccer) and totally make it awesome with all the planes, explosions and Shia Labeouf your sorry face can handle. Now go wash my Ferrari.

Who replaces Toe Thumbs?

"ladies, here's how you wash my car. First get a bucket of warm water.. no, warmer."
So earlier this week (or was it last week?) the internets were SHOCKED and BLOWN AWAY to find out that Megan Fox had been fired from (and or quit) Transformers 3. I know, this is huge right? Well never fear, there have already been some names floated out that might take her place. I thought we'd take this time together to look at some of the reported hopefuls. After all being Mrs Shia La Beef in the next robot rock'em sock'em is easily the greatest job any actress could hope for.

Ok, I'll be honest with you. I could care less about Transformers 3, there's nothing going on today so I thought I'd run with this.

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley
Pros: Victoria Secret Model, Jason Statham's girlfriend.
Cons: Has never acted before, to skinny, regular sized thumbs.

Brooklyn Decker
Pros: Victoria Secret Model and sports illustrated cover girl
Cons: Andy Roddick's wife. is in an upcoming Adam Sandler movie

Heidi Pratt
Pros: made entirely out of silicone and carbon fiber
Cons: so are wiper blades

CGI Megan Fox
Pros: she trends well on google search
Cons: can only wash your car "virtually"


Chick from Avatar
Pros: in 3d!
Cons: will get you sued. kinda flat chested

Silicone Implants
Pros: Boobs!
Cons: all T and no A

Arcee
Pros: huge built in fan-fic fan base
Cons: I've been told she was already in the second movie, but who the hell could tell with all the black and grey robots smashing together. Not to mention the shaky camera work and all the explosions. I mean honestly, has Michael Bay even seen a Transformers Cartoon?

Fired!

Nerds worldwide became a bit more flaccid yesterday when it was announced that Megan Fox was fired from transformers 3. Most blogs and gossip sites claim it's because last summer while promoting Transformers 2 she said it was a pretty crappy movie and compared Michael Bay's behavior on set to that of Hitler (why does everyone forget Stalin? You think Stalin is in hell shaking his fist every time someone compares someone evil to Hitler? I think he does, then while he's distracted, Hitler pantses him. Hitler is totally a dick that way).

Update! Megan Fox now says leaving the movie was her idea

Look at that Bra BOOM! EXPLODE! SLOWMO!

Finally Michael Bay directed a Victoria's Secret commercial. How long did we have to wait? It felt like eternity. Now can someone in Hollywood start working on that George Lucas Old Navy commercial

Megan Fox wants to wash your car

little known fact, this scene is actually casting footage

Hey Kids, here's something that's doesn't sound true at all. But I've seen at least three other blogs run with it, so who cares.

When the sizzling star of "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" went to director Michael Bay's house to audition for the part, "He made her wash his Ferrari while he filmed her," reports Jason Solomons in Britain's Guardian. "She said she didn't know what had happened to that footage. When I put it to Bay himself, he looked suitably abashed.
~the nypost

When you think about it this makes a little bit of sense. Michael Bay has always seemed kinda pervy and Megan Fox's toe thumbs should give her +1 dexterity when it comes to using a shammy.