To Do List

Sorry kids, I've been out sick all week. I believe the doctor called it the "the plague". I'm not sure I was too busy pooping myself to hear him correctly. Anyhoo, I'm feeling a lot better now so we'll get back to our regularly scheduled irregular blogging schedule soon.

The Best/Worst Super Mario Bros. Run of all time

This guy beat Super Mario Bros while scoring a measly 500 points (the lowest possible score). What have you done with your life?

Everyone's a Racist, unless they're not

In case you missed it, earlier this week Fox announced the new cast for the Fantastic Four reboot. The big controversy (other than who are these guys?) is that Johnny Storm is going to be played by an African American actor, Michael B. Jordan. This has basically split nerds into two camps. "Johnny Storm should be white because he is white in the comics" and "shut up, racist".

I guess there's a third camp too. "Who cares, this movie is going to SUUUUCCCCKKKK"

I don't really like the cast because they're all too young and young equals origin story and origin stories kinda blow. We're about 1 year removed from Jonathan Hickman's amazing run on the Fantastic Four and I would MUCH rather see a movie based on parts of it than another stupid origin story. They might as well rename the film Fantastic Four Babies.

I will say however that I don't believe that everyone that has problems with the casting of an African American guy to play a fictional white character is automatically a racist. In case you didn't know, comic book fans can be a little fanatical. The idea that they want to see movies based on comics look JUST like the comics isn't that absurd.

I'm not saying there aren't people out there that are opposed to this casting because their racist. I'm sure there are plenty, I'm just not so quick to point that finger as some.

Tribe One: I'm Kind of a Big Deal

Here's Tribe One performing I'm Kind of a Big Deal at a comic book shop in Chicago. The sound is pretty good considering it looks like it was just shot on a Go Pro or maybe an iPhone. True story, this is the song I most often sing/rap to my daughter when she's upset. It's got like a 75% success rate. I'm pretty sure that means I missed my calling in life.

That's exactly what I'm thinking about

Go Ninja, Go Ninja, Go

This craft Mac and Cheese commercial staring Vanilla Ice might just be the peak of advertising. How this wasn't a super bowl ad I'll never know.

I'll say this about Vanilla Ice, I sure like this not afraid to make fun of himself version WAY better than the overly serious version from 15 years ago when he was smashing video tapes on MTV with a baseball bat. One hit wonders should take notice, just because you can't get another song on the radio doesn't mean you can't capitalize on your fame in a fun, not sad, way.

Guardians of the Galaxy: The (really cool) Trailer

Hey Guardians of the Galaxy trailer, how you doing? Are you wearing space pants because your ass looks out of this world.

There is A LOT to like about this trailer. Action, Adventure, 70s rock, Groot, mother freaking Rocket Raccoon. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go ahead and watch this like a thousand more times and then read all my Guardians of the Galaxy trade paperbacks.

Links, for Science!

All of Art & Science Has Culminated in Kate Upton's Zero-G Bikini Shoot. This is not click bait at all, this is your yearly reminder that magazines (specifically sports illustrated) still exist. I don't know about you but can you imagine waiting a week to receive all your sports news? A WEEK! In 2014 terms a week is forever. Ever issue might as well read as a best of the previous year. Even the swimsuit issue makes zero sense to me. Almost every picture has already popped up on imgur (more on that later this week), why would anyone actually pay to look at what's so free on the internet? Are these marketed exclusively to children that can't figure out a way to get around their parents porn blockers? That can't be that big of a market. 10-15 kids tops?

We’ve Witnessed The Greatest Pro Wrestling Entrance Ever. It Involves Giant Swords And A Velociraptor. Kazuchika Okada of New Japan Pro wrestling destroys the best Pro Wrestling entrance with the inclusion of an animatronic dinosaur. At least I assume it was an animatronic dinosaur. I guess it could have been a real one. Japan has those crazy square watermelons. As far as I can tell breeding Dinosaurs is pretty much the next step after square watermelons.

BTW, the picture above isn't from said entrance. It's just from some press conference. So animatronic velociraptor press conference is also a thing in Japan.

Horse: The Jalopnik Review. You know what's sort of ironic about horses? Most have more than one horsepower. Sure by definition a single horse should have a single horsepower but since horsepower has become a scientific measurement of power most horses have more than one. And that folks is why I'm awesome at trivial pursuit.

Nerf Zombie Strike Toy Weapons Are the Best Defense Against the Imaginary Undead Uprising. I'm a bit torn on Nerf guns. On one hand I feel like I don't really want my son playing with guns. It kind of sends the wrong message about gun safety. On the other hand kids pick up a stick and they turn it into a gun so why try and stop the tide? Maybe when he's 11 or 12 we'll take a couple gun safety courses together so that we can go hog wild on nerf guns.

Mega Ran - The Dance (No Sleep)

This video by Mega Ran is catchy as hell. Also I can relate to the "No Sleep" portion of this chorus. Last night baby girl finally went to bed a little before 1am and big brother woke up at about 6:15. That was the best night of sleep I've had in about 10 days.... ugh.

My daughter is a bit over 5 months old and if memory serves me right my son didn't start sleeping through the night until he was about 14 months old so we're almost half way there (don't tell me how math works). The sleep deprivation is definitely the worst part of having kids. I can live with being poor and busy all the time but man it would be nice to sleep for like 7 or 8 hours in a row. I guess we all have to have our dreams.

Guardians of the Galaxy Teaser Trailer

Here's 19 seconds of the new Guardians of the Galaxy trailer. Of course when you take out the title screen and the end credits its like 15 seconds, none of which are dedicated to Rocket Raccoon. You had one job Marvel...

How Olympic Athlete's Bodies Have Changed Over the Years

Here's a quick little youtube clip that I found enjoyable. It's basically two and a half minutes on how we've been breading bigger faster stronger Olympians over the last 100 years. Unless of course you're a female gymnast, those we're breeding tinier and tinier. Soon all gold medal winning gymnasts will be under 4 feet tall.

Man of Steel from a Baby's Perspective

Watch this 16 month old kid react to Superman taking flight in The Man of Steel. It's pretty cute.

On a related note I've been home with my sick son the last couple days and during naps I was able to finally watch Man of Steel. It's not bad (there's a quote that won't make the back of the DVD case). There was a lot of stuff I liked about it and a lot of stuff I didn't. The stuff I liked probably outweighed the stuff I didn't by like, oh I don't know, 3? My biggest gripe with the movie (soft spoilers ahead) is that near the middle when Pa Kent dies I wish he had come around with Clark and told him something about keeping the people under the bridge safe at all costs. There are a dozen ways I can think of that Clark could have saved his dad without blowing his secret identity the scene (and really the second half of the movie) would have worked out SO much better if Pa Kent had just said something about staying with his mom or the people he was around safe.

I know a lot of nerds and Superman purists didn't like the movie but I have an easier time separating comics and movies than most. As far as a movie goes it was a thousand times more entertaining than Superman Returns but that's not saying much.

Lego Licensing = Gold

My guess is that if you'e been to a toy store anytime in the last decade you've seen just how popular (and expensive) Licensed Lego sets can be. There's a reason for that, Licensed sets make mad money, yo. About a decade ago Lego almost went bankrupt. A massive restructuring that included reducing the number of individual bricks they made and an increase in licensed sets, helped save the company.

This chart, that you might need to click to read, shows just how revenue Lego has made in the last few years in relation to how much they've had to pay in licensing costs. Plus if gives you an nice rundown to where that licensing money is going.

I know a few old time Lego heads have grown a bit tired of all the licensed sets (as have I already) but it's hard to argue with success. Also have you seen the 2014 Lego Star Wars sets? Damn, they're rad.

Lego these Links

Fox Business slams The Lego Movie for being Anti-Business. If you weren't aware the Lego movie made a bunch of gold bricks this weekend. Fox Business always in search of a new strawman went ahead and bashed the film for being anti-business. Go ahead and read the whole article, it's incredibly stupid and short sighted. Like I said it's about as strawman as their imagined war on football or Christmas. I really was just looking for an excuse to talk about the movie.

I didn't get to take my son to it this weekend, hopefully we'll get there soon. What I did get to do this weekend was take away his new Lego Movie Lego set last night because he was hitting and spitting. Man that went over well. I totally understand why kids these days are all shitheads. Actually punishing your kids SUCKS, it's the worst. Usually it ruins whatever fun time you're trying to have, the kid (who you love, obviously) is crying and screaming and when it's all said and done it's not like you see immediate results. Half the time the kid can't even explain to you why he was punished. I blame the demycrats.

“What’s His Real Name Again?” Admit it, the first time you heard of Benedict Cumberbatch you couldn't remember his name either. Just those dream blue eyes you could get lost in forev... I mean chicks. I like chicks. boobs.

American Luger Kate Hansen Prepares for Races by Dancing. Kate Hansen might have zero hope of winning a medal in Sochi but on the internet she's already won gold.

Be A Love Jedi With These Star Wars Valentine Gift Ideas. I'll admit it I went straight for the moneyshot with this one. They have some ugly Star Wars jewelry and some chocolates but who cares about those when there's a Star Wars vibrator? There's no way that it really exists but there's also no way I'm clinking through on the link they have. I'm 99.9% sure I don't have a firewall sturdy enough to keep out whatever malware they attach to star wars pornography.

Game of Thrones Season 4: A Foreshadowing

Hey there fantasy nerds, I hope you wore loose pants today because they're about to get a whole lot tighter. HBO has released a 15 minute preview for Game of Thrones Season 4 and it looks spectacular. There's probably a good two minutes of new footage mixed together with interviews of the cast, no spoilers.

Season 4 actually covers the second half of the 3rd book and as anyone who's read the book knows, the red wedding is just the start of the craziness. Of course that's both good and bad. I've always felt like the last couple books have a tendency to move characters around just to kill pages. The first three books always felt like they were leading up to something important. The last couple feel a bit too meandering.

But back to the TV show... If anything the meandering feel of the last couple books provide an great opportunity for the TV to tell a more concise, focused story. So far I have very few complaints over how the show has edited the source material (maybe a couple with Theon/Reek) so I'm really looking forward to the show taking a few liberties this season.

Look out, here comes the Zombeavers

Sooo Zombeavers is a thing. It's a pretty fantastic looking thing. Out of all the movie trailers I've seen for large zombie rodents this one is right up there. It has it all. Zombies. Beavers. Zombie Beavers. I don't know what more a guy could ask for?

Backyard Luge? Backyard Luge.

A family in Cologne Minnesota turned snow covered lemons into bitchen lemonade by building this awesome luge track in their backyard. I've gotta say I'm starting to get pretty upset that the rest of the country keeps getting polar vortexes full of snow and here in the Northwest all we've seen is a light dusting. If it's going to be this cold outside I want some snow. I bought a sled for my son last year and we haven't gotten to use it once. Come on Global Warming, work with me here.

In Russia the Olympics watches you!

Earlier today a sponsored post by NBC in my facebook feed asked "Who's ready for the Winter Olympics?" Turns out everyone is except Sochi. The games officially start tomorrow and Socci is still dealing with trivial issues like, lack of snow or roaming packs of wild dogs. Then there are some slightly less trivial issues like hotels without working doors or potable water. Don't even get me started on the toilets.

No big deal, the Olympics only start tomorrow.

The last Winter Olympics in Whistler/Vancouver cost about 10 billion dollars. The price for Sochi is already at an estimated 51 Billion, and it's climbing everyday. Below is a picture of the Sochi Olympic park. It was taken on Tuesday.


Will the finished product you and I watch on TV be an absolute shit show? Probably not. NBC has paid billions of dollars to broadcast the Olympics and you can bet your bottom dollar that they'll present everything as well as humanly possible. Most Americans probably won't care that some random reporter from the UK can't drink the water in her hotel room. They just want to see the next Brian Boitano do a bunch of cool spinny things on the ice. That's fine for most Americans but for people who are really plugged in to the net I have a feeling these are going to be the most unenjoyable Olympics in a long time.

Fantasy GI Joe Draft Rankings

Today marks the 50th Birthday of GI Joe. In celebration I'm reusing a post from way way back in 2010. Remember 2010? People were all upset about the end of Lost, the next generation of gaming consoles was a blip on the horizon and I only had one child. Good times.

One of the best things about GI Joe figures (especially when compared to Transformers) were how portable they were. Nothing beat heading over to your friends house with a lunch box full of your favorite Joes and having an epic battle. Unless your friend was a huge jerk that didn't want you playing with their toys, you always started the battle by pooling all your toys together on the floor and picking them playground style.

So without further exposition here's your 2009 GI Joe Fantasy Toy Draft rankings.

Snake Eyes - A Ninja with a Uzi? Why not just give kids an Atari made of Pixi sticks. There was no single toy in the 80s as cool as Snake Eyes.

Storm Shadow - If you didn't pick Snake Eyes with the first pick, you picked Storm Shadow. Especially if it was the cooler 2nd generation Storm Shadow that came with a ninja bow.

Roadblock - Roadblock came with a ridiculously huge gun, which made him a real powerhouse on the imaginary battlefield. If you could really sell it, Roadblock alone could take out anything from a Trouble Bubble to a Hiss Tank.

Zartan - Zartan was awesome, He changed color in the sun and came with what looked like a speeder bike from Star Wars. The only problem with Zartan is you were doomed if you tried to use one of his disguises to infiltrate the enemy. 11 year olds are dumb, but they're not that dumb.

Destro - If the choice is Destro or Cobra Commander there's no doubt you're taking Destro. The GI Joe cartoon really drove home the point that CC had no idea what he was doing. Plus Destro has wrist rockets.

Gung-Ho - Grenade Launcher + Huge Chest Tatoo = Awesome. Gung-Ho was one of the earliest characters to have visible biceps, so you know if he ran out of grenades he could always punch out a ton of Cobra Officers.

Flint - Flint just looked cooler than most Joes. I mean who would you rather have leading your troops. Hawk or Duke? No thanks, lets give the guy with the beret a shot.

Stalker - Stalker doesn't get the love he should. He has all the ninja training of Storm Shadow or Snake Eyes combined with the smooth moves of Billy Dee Williams. Stalker was always a good value pick in the later rounds.

Lady Jaye - Lady Jaye was the girl to pick. Sorry Baroness and Scarlet but Lady Jaye looked like she belonged on a battle field. Plus if you stared at her long enough you swear you saw a bit of cleavage.

Firefly - Firefly was the perfect counter to any friend with one of those ungodly sized playsets, like the GI Joe Space Shuttle or Aircraft Carrier. All you need to do is pull out Firefly and his tool kit backpack and you've rendered your enemies base useless.

Shipwreck - Shipwreck came with a parrot and what looked like a flintlock pistol from days of yore. He was about a thousand times cooler than his maritime counterparts Cutter and Wet Suit.

The Games of 1998

Wow, I didn't realize 1998 had so many good games (click the picture to embiggen). If I had to make a top 5 off this list it would go Half Life, WCW/NWO Revenge, Baulder's Gate, Marvel vs Capcom, Grim Fandango. With honorable mentions to Metal Gear Solid, Unreal and 1080 Snowboarding.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier Trailer #2

The newest trailer for Captain America: The Winter Soldier debuted during the Superb Owl yesterday. I'm both pumped and jacked. The Winter Soldier story line is one of my favorite Captain America stories ever. Way back in the day (ie. the '90s) there were only two comic book deaths you could count on standing the test of time. Bucky (Captain America's 1940s sidekick) and Peter Parker's Uncle Ben. Ed Brubaker turned that notion on its ear when he proposed the Bucky didn't die back in WWII but was actually frozen and reprogrammed as a Russian hit man. It's an idea that sounds silly on paper (like most comic book plots) but was aces in execution. The story worked so well that Bucky ended up replacing Captain America for a while and eventually got his own Winter Soldier spin off book.

The movie has some pretty big shoes to fill, especially from the Directors of You, Me and Dupree but I'm hoping for the best. So far so good.

Delta's 80's In-Flight Safety Video

This 1980s themed in Flight Safety Video from Delta airlines is better than any commercial I saw yesterday during the Super Bowl. Ok, maybe it's not as good as the one with the horse and the puppy. Did you see how the puppy looked when he was driving away? Or how the horse started chasing after him?

..excuse me for a sec, suddenly it's gotten really dusty in here.