World Cup 2010 Kit Review (Part 1)

With less than 100 days to the World Cup I thought it was a good time to take a look at what the participating teams would be wearing this year. As we all know, Soccer is 90 percent pageantry. Jersey Awesomeness is actually the 7th tie breaker in group play, just before the teams draw lots (look it up, it could happen)


Italy
First impression: A belt buckle, BWAHAHAHA!
Help or Hurt their chance of Victory: Helps. Italy won the WC in 2006 wearing essentially a white dickie, a belt buckle can only increase their resolve.
Will I buy one: Hells no


France
First impression: Gourcuff is dreamy...
Help or Hurt their chance of Victory: It's a push. The Kit may be awesome but Raymond Domenech is still their coach. No ammount of pinstriping is going to cover that up.
Will I buy one: In a heartbeat.. if it wasn't French


Australia
First impression: What is this Rugby?
Help or Hurt their chance of Victory: Helps. Last World cup the socceroos looked so much like Brasil that Robinho played 60 minutes for them. Wait, maybe this new kit hurts.
Will I buy one: Not even if Tim Cahill came with it


Honduras
First impression: Girls!
Help or Hurt their chance of Victory: Hurts. Don't ever bring your WAGS to the World Cup. Just making a women's version of your jersey is asking for trouble.
Will I buy one: Maybe, but only to stick it to El Salvador


Portugal
First impression: Rally Stripes, awesome!
Help or Hurt their chance of Victory: Helps. Any team that sets out to look more like a Lancia Stratos clearly has all it's ducks in a row.
Will I buy one: Yes, if I can find one in long sleeves


Slovenia
First impression: Charlie Brown was Slovenian?
Help or Hurt their chance of Victory: Helps. Not only does the green blend in with the pitch, the jagged stripe will confuse help the linesman. This team will never get called offsides.
Will I buy one: Maybe as a joke


Denmark
First impression: I can see a sailboat!
Help or Hurt their chance of Victory: Hurts. Prolonged exposure to this 3D puzzle mess is sure to cause seizures and migraines.
Will I buy one: Not with my astigmatism


South Korea
First impression: South Korea? this is north Korea right?
Help or Hurt their chance of Victory: Hurts. After being mistaken for the communist Korea by the host nation they'll find themselves weakened by a diet of gruel and lead tainted water.
Will I buy one: No Chance