Threatening Links

Netflix’s new offline mode lets you download shows, watch them offline. Yay, Netflix is doing something Amazon Prime has offered for like the last 3 years. It sounds like it's only going to be available on their own shows and movies for right now but I guess it's a start. Now you can go camping and still binge watch the new season of Gilmore Girls. USA! USA! USA!

A Canadian town is threatening drunk drivers with Nickelback torture. The most hilarious part about this story is that the Facebook post from the sheriff's department showed a Nickelback tape, not a CD but a freakin cassette tape. There's something incredibly Canadian about that.

We Asked 8,500 Internet Commenters Why They Do What They Do. This looks about right, I mean it's incredibly unscientific to just poll your own commenters but it's a lot more than anyone else is doing so I'll let it stand. On occasion I'll comment on an article, usually its when I think I have something to add to the conversation, which of course is completely delusional. No one cares what anybody else thinks, no one.

Jubilee Will Lead a New Team of Teen Mutants in the New Generation X Comic. About a year ago there were a ton of doom and gloom rumors that Marvel was tanking all their X-Men comics because Fox owns the movie rights and Disney is crazy about stuff like that. Fast forward 12 months and it looks like Marvel is making a big push to re-establish all the X-Men franchise, which is nice. I'm really interested in this new Gen-X book, I love me some Jubilee and she's been handled pretty poorly the last 5-10 years or so. It would be nice to see her become a more prominent member of the group.

O-Links

Lou Pearlman, who created O-Town on Making the Band, died in prison. I absolutely forgot that this steaming bag of dicks was in prison. Also I almost forgot how much I loved Making The Band. Did you know Making the Band was older that American Idol and premiered the same year Survivor did? I can't believe it's been that long since we were introduced to the boys from O-Town. You see, they're from Orlando and they LOVE Motown. It works on so many levels!

WWE Hall Of Fame Manager Mr. Fuji Has Passed Away At Age 82. I guess it's just going to be stories about dead guys today. Mr Fuji was well knows as one of the greatest heel managers in the WWE but he was also a multiple time tag team champion and a WWE Hall of Famer. It's weird saying you loved Mr Fuji because looking at him through a modern lens his whole gimmick feels really racist. He's kind of like Junk Yard Dog or Kamala in that aspect. Guys that were full of talent and crazy popular but stuck in these really basic gimmicks due to their skin color. I mean he was from Hawaii for cripes sake. I guess it's only fitting that he managed Yokozuna who was really samoan.

Wrestling is weird.

22 Pictures That Prove the World is Full of Jerks. Oh man, this right here happens all the time at every grocery store I go to. The area around the checkout line is always really bad, like someone is doing the math in their head and decides screw it, I can afford those steaks and just leaves them right there. If I ever worked in a grocery store there's a 10% chance I'd end up murdering everyone.

Kendra Wilkinson - Lost in Space

I don't know what compels me to post awful music videos like this, but here we are, at Kendra Wilkinson's "tribute" to Lost in Space. First of all, how is Kendra Wilkinson still a thing, Secondly why not Holly she was way better looking. Also back to First of all, how is Kendra Wilkinson still a thing?

Fergie - M.I.L.F. $

Wow... this is just... wow. I can't even.

It's 2016 and Fergie is pouring milk all over her boobs, dancing with Kim Kardashian and completely ripping of Kelis's Milkshake song. At this point I think we kind of deserve Trump as president. Its one step closer to Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho and that can't be a bad thing right? I love drinking Brawndo, it's the thirst mutilator.


Also, Moms I'd Like to Follow? TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

Normal Links

This is Just a Normal Day in Russia. The third link here is super depressing so let's start things off with something fun. Man those Russians sure are crazy. I really want to know the story behind all those raw chickens and the row of computers. Is that some sort of Counterstrike level I've never seen?

Destin Sandlin Straps Himself Into a Falling Helicopter to Prove Neil deGrasse Tyson Wrong. Is it just me or are people starting to get tired of Neil deGrasse Tyson's shit? I don't really need an astrophysicist to tell me that the science behind some popular movie is kinda garbage. Just tell me what we need to bring back Pluto and cut it with all the cute "um actually..." nonsense.

'I Hope You Get Raped Again': Women Sportswriters Listen to Men Read Vile Tweets About Them. Sweet Fancy Moses, what on earth is wrong with people? Why would you say that to someone? Especially, over something as trivial as sports? It's insane. This whole world has gone insane.

I get it when bratty teenagers who don't know any better call people homo on Xbox Live, teenagers are stupid and do stupid stuff. I don't think I'll ever understand why an adult would enjoy lobbing horrible racist or sexist insults to people on social media. What do you gain from that? Does it really make you feel better about yourself to say you're going to kill or rape someone? People are the worst.

Investigating the Avril Lavigne Conspiracy. The Avril Lavigne doppelganger conspiracy is one of my favorite because of how ridiculous it is. Like some Avril fans just can't get over the fact that the girl who sang Sk8ter-Boi would grow up to marry the guy from Nickleback. If you ask me that's exactly the kind of thing the girl who sang Sk8ter-Boi would do.

On the other hand the Katy Perry grew up to be JonBenet Ramsey thing is totally true.

David Hasselhoff: True Survivor

All the cocaine. That's how much cocaine David Hasselhoff has done. All of it.

Holy Balls, if Hard Ticket to Hawaii, Robocop, Mortal Combat and a Whitesnake video had an orgy this is the poor baby that would have been born in a toilet 9 months later. I think this if for a kickstarter or something. I'm not sure I want to know. The last thing I need is more of this showing up in my browser history. I'm pretty sure you end up on watchlists for that.

The 12 WWE Days of Christmas

Here's the 12 Days of Christmas as sung by the current WWE roster. I mean it's not the entire roster, just the guys you see on RAW every week in the same stupid matches. If you see me this Christmas be sure to ask me my thoughts on the WWE. Make a drinking game of it, every time I say Vince McMahon is out of touch and senile take a shot. You'll be dead in like 4 minutes.

The Avengers: My Heart Will Go On edition

Here's the Avengers: Age Of Ultron trailer set to Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On. You're welcome.

Punk Rock Links

Supergirl TV show to CBS? Good news, I guess. In theory I'm a big fan of Supergirl but when I think about it I may have maybe 10 Supergirl comics. Another half dozen Young Justice books that she may or may not have appeared in? Supergirl is like the original Buffy right? I have to like it.

The real interesting part of this is that CBS bought the show. America's most watched network. Home to NCIS, NCIS: LA and I'm sure some other NCIS show I can't name off the top of my head. ABC is owned by Disney so they have to care about Marvel and Agents of SHIELD (similar to DC and the CW) but CBS doesn't owe DC comics diddly. They want this show so bad they bought it without a pilot. I crack on CBS a lot due to their reputation for bland procedurals but honestly a comic book TV show that's on par quality wise with Person of Interest or Thew Good Wife would be amazing! I genuinely hope it works out for them.

U2 Thinks Putting Its Album on Your iPhone Is "Really Punk Rock". This is rich... U2 (or more specifically Bono) believes that being paid 100 million dollars by the one of the largest tech companies in the world to put their newest album on iTunes users devices whether they want it or not is "really punk rock". Other things Bono thinks are really Punk Rock include: Hot Topic, Beats by Dre, Dave Mathews Band, those guitars that are also double guitars...

Lara Croft Contest Date from 1999 Inspires Hilarious Fan Fiction. This is a pretty long read but man is it hilarious. I've always wondered how one of these "win a date with.." kind of contests go. I can't imagine they're anything but hella awkward.

Do You Ever Wonder If Lily From The AT&T Commercials Hates Her Job? I laugh every time Lily tells Gordon Ramsey that his typical behavior is terrifying. There's something about her slight deadpan delivery. Like she's completely had it dealing with idiots all day but she's resigned to the fact that she has student loans to pay off so she needs the paycheck.

12 surprising foods with more sugar that a Krispy Kreme doughnut. I wasn't that surprised. Anytime you see Fat Free on a food's packaging that just means it's got hella sugar dumped in it. I'm trying to feed my kids slightly better than the garbage that I eat and I notice this all the time. Yogurt is the worst, especially the stuff marketed to kids. If you don't watch what you buy you could easily end up with something that has just as much sugar as a can of coke.

I do declare 2014 the year of the giant ass

Hey kids, remember Jennifer Lopez? Here's her new video Booty ft Iggy Azelea. More specifically Iggy Azelea's giant fake ass and by featuring I mean rubbing up and down on J-Lo's big ol booty. This right here is what you would call capturing the Zeitgeist. Traditional pop music is barren of ideas and the big labels are so desperate that you pay attention to them that they're reduced to producing music videos that look like the first 5 minutes of a porno. Sure it's a really nice porno with good production values but still...

Music is in a weird spot right now. You have Apple paying U2 $100 million to give away an album to all iTunes subscribers just to promote their new phone. Last year Macklemore dominated the charts as an "indie artist" but to do so he had to pay Sony execs a boat load of cash to get his songs on the radio. Nobody is buying CDs, even on iTunes. Younger listeners are moving to subscriber based listening like Pandora and Spotify. Terrestrial radio has been reduced to this weird dj-less automatic jukebox format where most stations only play the same 10 big label approved pop songs on loop.

I guess through all of that one thing remains a constant. Sex sells. Doesn't matter if it's Madonna in a pointy bra, Katy Perry dressed up as a sexy smurf or Iggy Azelea putting on a tijuana donkey show.

This generation desperately needs a Nirvana (and that's coming from someone that HATES Nirvana).

Shake off that Anaconda

Yesterday morning Taylor Swift released her new video Shake It Off. Then a few hours later Nicki Minaj released her new video Anaconda. Please enjoy both.



Holy shit (pardon me this post is going to be full of swears). Within 12 hours of each other two monsters of pop music release videos that go "viral". In one Taylor Swift is singing about dancing your troubles away and in the other Nicki Minaj is literally rapping that she's fucking a guy because he has a big dick and sells cocaine. And she's the one of the two that has been a judge on American Idol, the most whitebread of whitebread shows.

Both videos feature everyone's favorite dance fad, twerking. But hot damn, there's twerking and then there's TWERKING. It's like if Taylor Swift had done the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge Nicki Minaj would have I don't know... shot a cop and then had sex with Drake in a bathtub of ice. It's for charity!

I don't know. I'm sure someone smarter and cleverer than I am can come up with better jokes and more insightful social commentary. Of course if you're looking for that sort of thing, stay the hell away from the comments on youtube. For me the most offensive part is the awful Baby Got Back samples. First off could she have picked a more obvious song. Secondly, whoever produced that beat should be shot into the moon. You clear Baby Got Back and that's what you do with it? For shame.

Ghost Links

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Summertime is great

I'm not going to lie to you. You probably shouldn't watch this video.

Remember 1994

Hey kids remember 1994? Well according to this youtube clip commemorating all the tv shows, movies and music of that year I don't at all. The most surprising thing, other than learning that ER and Friends are 19 years old was how AWFUL all the music was. There's like a good song by Blur and the Beastie Boys and the rest is just terrible... yeah I'm looking at you Kurt Cobain.

Corey Feldman's "Ascension Millennium"

Did you know that Corey Feldman is a serious musician now? Sorry, but now you do. Here's the video for his new hit single Ascension Millennium. Now I haven't actually listened to this because my computer at work doesn't have speakers but I'm pretty sure it's terrible. It has to be, right?

Anyway I posted this for two reasons. First off, Sean Astin! Seriously send me anything even remotely related to the Goonies and it's going up in a heartbeat. Secondly, the part a couple minutes in when Corey spins around and almost falls down. THAT IS AWESOME, someone gif that shizz.

Why is Avril Lavigne fighting a bear-shark?

Pictures from the newest Avril Lavigne video shoot hit the webs this week and they're noteworthy for a couple reasons. The first reason that I won't go into because this is a serious blog that feels no need to pander, has to do with Winnie Cooper's ample backside. The second reason has to do with the fact that she seems to be fighting a Bear-Shark hybrid with rock and roll.

I'm not sure that this is some sort of trend but I hope it is. Radiohead's last album would have been WAY more interesting if they had been fighting a giant Gorilla-Orca or maybe some sort of Tornado of Sharks.

I guess what I'm eventually going to get to is Sharknado 2 party at my place!

Gather up your Juggalos

Yesterday if you had told me that this morning I would watch (in it's entirety) a 20 minute commercial for the 2012 Gathering of the Juggalos and be totally sold on the event, I would have called you a dirty dirty liar from whore island. But here we are...
Seriously, I'm not even typing in an ironic hipster tone here. This sounds awesome. From Kool Keith to Bobcat Goldthwait to Colt Cabana vs Vampiro to Violent J's Beach Boys BBQ Blowout! Bash! Blast! this thing has it all. Who wants to head out to Cave Rock, IL in mid August?

Greatest rap song ever? Greatest rap song ever.

Krispy Kreme – Haters Wanna Be Me

Stanley from The Office is a stone cold pimp

Here's Leslie David Baker's new video 2 be Simple. There's a sentence I had no idea I'd be writing today.

I have the sound muted on my computer at work, so I have no idea how good or bad the song really is (I have a pretty good idea, though). He could be lip syncing to Rebeca Black for all I care, the video is hilarious.

The X-Men were born this way

I suppose this X-men parody of Lady Gaga's born this was was pretty much inevitable. The internet is pretty much like Mr Burn's thousand monkeys working on a thousand typewriters. If you want a kitten breakdance fighting a bear in a scuba suit, just wait a couple weeks, someone on 4-chan is working on it right now.

I guess what I'm trying to say is my next post is going to have bears fighting kittens, so we've got that to look forward to.