Roll Again

RIP, Star Wars Expanded Universe 1991-2014

Way back last year when the new Star Wars movies were announced you could feel a disturbance in the force when millions of fanboys declared the Expanded Universe dead. Oh sure, some held out hope that the new movies might include Grand Admiral Thrawn, Mara Jade and Cade Skywalker but most accepted the fact that the new movies would trump any books, comics, and video games set post ROTJ.

Last week it became official that Disney/Lucasfilm was hitting the reset button. Kotaku has a nice article outlining what Star Wars fans are losing, and in a weird way what they're gaining. If you have a few minutes I'd recommend checking it out.

It doesn't matter how many lists you read on buzzfeed, if you didn't live through the late 80s it's hard to imagine the lack of Star Wars merch during that time period. About 3 years after Return of the Jedi was released the toys dried up and that left what? Plastic promo cups at Dairy Queen? Fitted sheet sets you could only get at Sears? This was all reportedly on purpose, due to a divorce settlement between Lucas and his ex-wife that gave her a big chunk of the merchandising profit. At least that's what I heard back in the 90s, I could google it but that's way too much work.

Of course this all changed with the release of Heir To The Empire in 1991. Written by respected sci-fi author Timothy Zahn, Heir To The Empire was the first officially licensed Star Wars fiction published since the Marvel Comic series was canceled in 1986. What would become known as the Expanded Universe started slowly, with just one book a year but that quickly expanded to well over 200 novels. Dealing with everything from Luke Skywalker trying to rebuild the Jedi order to Zombie Stormtroopers. All of which was labeled as "in cannon" by the folks (mostly Lucas) in charge of the Star Wars brand.

I've dabbled my toes in the Expanded Universe but the unevenness in quality and the sheer number of books snuffed out the fire the Thrawn Trilogy had lit way back in 1991. Frankly, I'm not sure anymore where I'm going with this post. I understand that the fact that the death of the current expanded universe doesn't really change my enjoyment of the dozen or so expanded universe books I've read. It's all fiction anyway, Han Solo never fought real zombie Stormtroopers in space so how is the fictional book I read any less real? Still, some of the expanded universe stuff was really good. There's a nerdy little part of me that's sad that it doesn't count anymore, much less the fact that we won't get to see Boba Fett escape the Sarlacc pit (twice!) on the big screen.

Maybe later tonight I'll pour out some blue milk for my homey the Expanded Universe. Then I'll try and find out why all my milk is blue...

New Beer Mile World Record!

James Nielsen, who just happens to be a former collegiate long distance runner, has set the new world's record for the Beer Mile at 4:57. If you're unfamiliar with the beer mile it's basically you run around the track a lap, chug a beer and repeat until you puke or hit a mile, whichever comes first. It's pretty impressive when you think about it. I don't think I could even drink 4 beers in 5 minutes.

There should be a sprinters version of this. Like the 4 shot 400. run 100 yards down a shot, run 100 yards down a shot, run 100 yards down a shot, fall on your face.

The Duck Tales Slow Jam

The name of the band is Postmodern Jukebox, and they are bringing the sexy to Saturday Mornings. Seriously, that electric clarinet thing that guy is playing is really getting me in the mood. These TPS Reports aren't going to know what hit them this morning.

Unreal Links

How the year 1999 changed cinema forever. I think there's a bit of specious logic in a couple of DenOfGeek's points but they make a pretty good case for the profound effect the year 1999 had on movies. Indie cinema becoming mainstream and the expectations of sequels really stand out to me. Back in the day sequels were always about diminishing returns. Sure you could make money off one but they were never bigger than the original. Fast Forward to now and Iron Man 3 made something like 4 times as much as the first one.

Also I would like to take this time to point out that I'm still upset that Austin Powers has essentially been ruined for me by its popularity. More specifically unfunny people abusing "yeah baby". Seriously those movies are ruined.

​13 Things You Probably Don't Know About Lightsabers. Good list, I only knew 2 of these. My favorite one is about the entire lightsaber discipline of cutting off hands. It's gotta be a bunch of messed up Jedi's that decided they were going to develop a fighting technique specifically designed around removing major limbs. Also I'm guessing if you're taking a class on it at the Jedi Academy you're probably taking it pass fail.

8K Pictures from the Unreal 4 Engine. These are crazy. I imagine to play a game now in 8K you probably need a rack of video cards the size of a small car but you know in like 5 years you'll be playing these games on your phone.

20 Fascinating Facts You May Not Know About ‘Super Mario Bros.’ More fun facts! I really wish I knew someone with a top loading NES, that thing about the 256 extra levels but you have to swap cartridges with Nintendo Tennis is amazing.

Winner Stays

Nike has a new commercial for the World Cup (or more specifically for shoes and jerseys associated with the World Cup) and it's pretty awesome. Maybe not as good as the addidas one from 2006 where the kids playing on a dirt field picked a bunch of allstars and legends like Zidane and Beckenbauer but it's close. Can you believe the World Cup is like six weeks away?

In other soccer related news my rec team played to a rousing come from behind 4-4 tie last night. The team we played was comprised of students from the University of Washington. Thank goodness they were kind of crap, running around chasing a bunch of kids like that is not fun at all. Wow, you can run around for 15 minutes without passing out, good for you. Guess what kid? the job market sucks, have fun living the next 20 years in debt.

Game of Thrones "Medieval Land Fun-Time World"

Sorry the last couple days haven't been ideal for blogging. Here's a bad lip reading version of Game of Thrones that's kind of old but still pretty funny. Tomorrow I should have my car back from the shop and we should return to our regular half-assed blogging schedule.

It's Not Porn...

I've got a real nice string of NSFW posts going on this week. Maybe I should start tagging them as such. Anyway, here's a fake ad for (redacted) that probably better than anything (redacted) could come up with. Just remember it's totes not porn.

Son of a Glitch: Mario Kart 64

Want to go back in time, cheat like a total bastard and whoop your friends butts at Mario Kart 64? Well, I can't help you with the time machine but I can provide a video that shows you some glitches in Mario Kart 64 that allow you to skip laps, find invisible shortcuts and jump walls that baring any blue shells will have you at the top of the podium in no time. Of course most of these shortcuts are super tricky so you might just end up bumping into walls for half an hour. Whatever man, just pop in WCW/NWO Revenge. You know my Ultimo Dragon game is on lock down.

Loop de Links

Rare Video of People Riding Action Park's Waterslide Loop. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME (excuse the language). I'm no scientist but I can tell you just by looking at that slide that it's a huge deathtrap. Rickety wooden steps? Check. Ominous blackout tube? Check. Tarp for a landing area? CHECK MATE!

Please take 5 minutes out of your day to read about this thing. It's the stuff that urban legends are made of.

The True Boob -- Jessica Alba. This is the craziest most in-depth look at a celebrities boobs that I have ever seen. It's really an impressive look into a boob obsessed mind. Also boobs. Also NSFW.

The 12 Best Games on PC. I'm pretty excited to get back into PC gaming, assuming my daughter starts sleeping, but I don't know man, this list has Half Life 2 and Starcraft 2 on it. Are ten and five year old games really the best the PC has to offer? I'm going to say no because if I go drop $200 on a new video card and find myself re-installing Half Life 2, I might have to slit my wrists.

21 Things You Might Not Have Known About Raiders of the Lost Ark. Raiders of the Lost ark is totes one of the top 10 movies I'm excited about watching with my son when he gets older. Before I had kids Star Wars was on there but forget about it. There's so much Star Wars crap out there for kids that my son knew Darth Vader was Luke's dad before he knew I was his dad. Luckily there's still a TON of sweet ass movies from the 80s and 90s that I know he probably won't be exposed to until I make him sit through them. I'm looking your way Goonies and Bloodsport.

Innuendo Bingo

I've been saving this clip for almost a month now for a day I have nothing to post and not a lot of time to dig around the nerd-net. It's a game of Innuendo Bingo from a BBC1 radio interview of 90210 star Jessica Lowndes. Now I've never heard of Innuendo Bingo but apparently it's a game that BBC plays all the time and it involves spitting water on the other player. Like a lot of water. Who would want to play this? Like at what point does getting a ton of water spit on you seem like a fun idea?

Also Jessica Lowndes is not unattractive. I thought I'd throw that in there.

Two Choices

The Belgians Booty Rock Dvořák's Sypmphony No. 9

Technically this is Korean dance group Waveya booty rocking to Dvořák's Sypmphony No. 9 in E-Minor but it was for a Belgian classical music festival. It's pretty ingenious if you ask me. I think a whole slew of traditionally boring things could be improved by Korean dance groups gyrating around: Math, History, Science, Politics. Really the possibilities are endless.

X-Men: Days of Future Past, Trailer #3

I've been told by the internet that this is the last trailer for X-Men: Days of Future Past. I want to believe the internet but they're a pretty crappy source. It's always telling me ways I can make cash sitting at home and burn fat with one simple trick. Nice try Internet. Go sell your snake oil somewhere else.

As far as trailers go this one's pretty good. I'm not 100% sure it gives away too much of the plot or not. The overall story of one of the X-Men going back in time to stop a terrible future isn't that complicated but the fact that the movie combines both the First Class and the original Film's cast probably led to a few questions from some casual movie fans. I guess it's hard to fault the studio for releasing a trailer that spells things out with the subtlety of a hammer. Whatever, the movie still looks good. Hopefully I'll get to see this one in the theater.

Hello there Evolve

Evolve is a game I just heard about over at kotaku. It follows the team shooter format kinda like Left 4 Dead or that game on the N64 that I can't think of where one guy was a lizard and there was a female sniper. BRUTE FORCE! That was the name of it, and I think it was on the first xbox not the N64. I think I'm thinking of that Star Fox 3rd person shooter game for the N64. Man, the controls for that game sucked...

But back to Evolve. Evolve's unique hook in that each mission is 4 people hunting one monster, kind of a Shadow of the Colossus meets Battlefield. I could get into that. At the very least I'll be watching the scores when it releases. I'm due to buy my one game for 2014, this could be it.

Julien's Achilles Heel

Want to see a guy fail as hard as anyone has ever failed at Wheel of Fortune? Seriously, I remember watching this last week and I had to yell at my wife to get into the room. I watch a lot of Wheel of Fortune and I've never seen a guy have the puzzle complete and still get it wrong.. just amazing.

Nerf Gun War

This video of kids playing war with their fancy new Nerf guns takes a little while to get to the fireworks factory but when it does, oh baby. I might have to start buying some Nerf guns right now.

New Guardians of the Galaxy Teaser

The new Guardians of the Galaxy teaser (trailer? I don't even know anymore) is a lot like the first one. Still good.

BTW, I really hope in the final version of the film the guy at the end says "assholes" and not "a-holes". Assholes is funnier, the movie is PG-13, you should be able to say asshole and not worry about the children. Hell back in my day you used to be able to show boobs and drop an f-bomb in a PG-13 movie. We're living in a post internet world if you think 13 years old haven't heard some swears and seen some boobs you need to hang out in front of my house when all the jr highers are leaving school.... wait a minute that didn't sound right.

Batman: Strange Days

Bruce Timmm, the animator/artist who was mostly responsible for the look of Batman: the Animated Series, made a short film in honor of Batman's 75th anniversary. I'm digging the long ears and the short gloves, very reminiscent of his original costume. In fact I was sort of surprised when he didn't pull a gun and just shoot Hugo Strange.

DC/Warner Bros just needs to throw a giant wad of cash at Bruce Timm and get him to produce an animated movie or maybe something like a 5 episode limited series. I've been watching some BTAS on amazon prime (even though the seasons are horribly labeled) and it really is the best take on Batman ever. In fact it's not just Batman. BTAS really has the definitive versions of most of Batman's supporting characters. Jim Gordon, Poison Ivy, Two Face, Mr Freeze, Harley Quinn, they're all perfect. Normally I'm not a big fan of artists going back to the well after so much time has passed but I'll make a huge exception for anything Bruce Timm wants to do.

Dungeons & Links

10 Dungeons & Dragons Tips From Dan Harmon and His Dungeon Master. When the kids are out of the house or at least old enough to not need constant supervision/help with their legos I'm totally taking up D&D. I've already got a t-shirt and everything. What more do you need? Dice? I have dice. Pencil? I've got a pencil. Imagination? Sure when I've been drinking I'm SUPER IMAGINATIVE.

The Millennium Falcon. Do you have 60 seconds to read a really brief infographic on the Millennium Falcon? Well you are in luck then because I happen to have a link to just such an infographic right here.

Battlefield 4 Players Have Finally Found The Megalodon. This is pretty fun. Rumor had it that if you looked hard enough you could find a Megalodon in Battlefield 4. Well, that wasn't exactly true so the developers added one in the latest DLC pack. You win this one Megalodon.

Art and Superheroines: Getting Sex and Cape Comics Right. I don't 100% agree with this article on sex and comic books (more specifically superhero comics) but I think it brings up a lot of interesting points. Comic Books have this really typical american puritanical approach to sex and violence that you see in movies and TV. Cleavage? Cool. Blood and Gore? Cool. Realistic depictions of sex? Whoa there's pervert. Think of the Children!

Also he talks about Empowered a lot which is cool. I like Empowered. I'm only like 7 trades behind but I swear I'll be picking more up any day now.

Nvidia Watch Dogs Trailer

Over on reddit there's a subreddit called PC Master Race where they just make fun of consoles all the time. This trailer for Watch Dogs is one of the reasons why. Sweet Christmas this game looks amazing. The part about a minute in where the rain in hitting the wet bricks is amazeballs. I've been excited for this game since I saw the first trailer about 2 years ago but now I'm practically drooling over it. I think I'm going to start saving some money for a new video card right about now.

Ultimate Warrior died and it sucks

So yesterday around 5pm Jim Hellwig (aka the Ultimate Warrior) collapsed while walking to his car outside of an Arizona Hotel. By the time they got him to a hospital he was already dead.

I don't know man. I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the whole thing. I'm not a huge fan of The Warrior now, but back when I was 13 and he was in his prime he was one of my favorites. He's survived by 2 daughters and his wife which honestly probably hits me the hardest. Dude was 54, that's way too young to die. Someone on twitter posted a picture of him with his daughters at the WWE Hall of Fame ceremony last weekend and it just crushed me. Here's the ultra creepy part. Warrior had appeared on WWE RAW just the night before and gave this speech:

Speak to me, Warriors! As I thought about what I was going to say this evening, it's been hard for me to find the words. [Puts on mask.] Well then, you shut up Warrior, and let me do the talking.

No WWE talent becomes a legend on their own. Every man's heart one day beats its final beat. His lungs breathe a final breath. And if what that man did in his life makes the blood pulse through the body of others, and makes them bleed deeper, and something larger than life, then his essence, his spirit, will be immortalized. By the storytellers, by the loyalty, by the memory of those who honor him and make the running the man did live forever.

You, you, you, you, you, you are the legend-makers of Ultimate Warrior. In the back, I see many potential legends, some of them with warrior spirits. And you will do the same for them. You will decide if they lived with the passion and intensity. So much so that you will tell your stories and you will make them legends, as well. I am Ultimate Warrior. You are the Ultimate Warrior fans. And the spirit of Ultimate Warrior will run forever!

Leave it to the Ultimate Warrior, a guy who in his time truly felt bigger than the sport, to deliver his own eulogy the day before he died.

Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel

I got really excited when I woke up this morning and saw there was a new Borderlands game coming out this year, then after watching the video I got a bit less excited. The last non-Lego video game I played on the 360 was Borderlands 2, which I loved, so why am I luke warm on the Pre-Sequel? Probably because it's made by a different developmental team and looks to be mostly the same code as Borderlands 2. I wouldn't quite call it $59.99 DLC but that's sort of the vibe I'm getting. Let's just say that if this hits store shelves at anything less than full price I'm going to be VERY suspicious.

Also, what was up with that guys shirt?

How to Build a Computer

If you're anything like me you were probably a little underwhelmed at the so called "next generation" of console gaming. The Xbone seems like a very nice smart TV and the PS4 is at least +1 over the PS3 but when you compare them to high end PCs there's zero contest. The problem is PC gaming is complicated, well not anymore. This video teaches you everything you need to know about putting together your own high end gaming PC in just 2 minutes and 30 seconds. Grab your banana and hammer and I'll see you on-line!

Turn Down for What

I'll be damned if this video from DJ Snake & Lil Jon isn't the craziest thing I've seen since Gangnam Style. It's completely insane and I kind of love it.

2014 Emerald City ComicCon Cosplay; Part 2

Hey kids, more Cosplay from 2014 ECCC! I figured the Winter Soldier and Black Widow here were relevant to this weekends box office. I'm getting pretty excited for Captain America: The Winter Soldier. I've read enough positive reviews to make a point of seeing this one in the theater (unlike Thor 2). I probably won't get to it this weekend but hopefully next. Anyway, as with the last gallery comments and stories below the pics...



There were a lot of good Thors at ECCC this year. I never found a picture of the guy that was my favorite. He was a big enough to look like he could be Thor plus he had a real Norse looking beard. The guy dressed as the Tick was AMAZING. If he didn't steal that costume off the set of the TV show I would be shocked. There were a lot of Kriegers (Archer) at ECCC. Some with his cartoon bride and a couple with Pam. To bad I didn't see any Lanas or Charlenes, OUTLAW COUNTRY!

That guy in the Halo costume was super legit as were the two in the Judge Dredd costumes. Really crazy how professional those looked up close.

Hard Core Links

15 Fascinating Facts You May Not Know About ‘Batman: Arkham Asylum’. None of these facts are really going to change your life but if you've played Arkham Asylum they're still pretty interesting. Thinking back on it I'm 99% sure I never did beat Arkham Asylum. The way the levels constantly criss-crossed over each other kinda killed my excitement for the game about 10 hours in. I should probably pick it back up and try to beat it.

Microsoft announces Windows Phone 8.1 with Cortana, coming in April. As much as I begrudge buying a phone from a guy with that bad of a haircut I'm totes getting a new phone in April or May or June or whenever the AT&T version of the Nokia Icon goes on sale. I can't wait for my chance to have to repeat things to my phone multiple times just like my iPhone brethren.

Also I can't believe Microsoft actually named their virtual assistant after a character from Halo but at the same time OF COURSE they did.

Fire TV: Everything You Need to Know About Amazon's $100 Streaming Box. I already have a Roku and it works just fine but if I was in the market for a TV box the Fire TV would be pretty tempting. I like the idea of being able to play some casual games through it. I could get down with wasting 20 minutes playing Plants vs Zombies on my TV and not having to pay 19.99 for it through XBox Live Arcade.



There’s Probably Semen On That’: 3 Days At The AVNs. This report by Vince Mancini on the 31st annual AVN Awards is really really good. Like maybe I should have used three "reallys" and a bunch of caps locks good. It is a report on pornography so it gets a bit blue at times but I think it's well worth suffering through a couple cringe worthy paragraphs.

What I found most interesting is that an industry that when you look at it objectively helped build the modern day internet is getting destroyed by what it helped create. Also the people that are involved in pornography are always fun to read about in a "hey, lets watch this car accident" kind of way.

2014 Emerald City ComicCon Cosplay; Part 1

I've mentioned earlier that the way I've done cosplay round up posts in the past take FOREVER to put together and quite frankly I don't have time to spend a couple hours at work or at home to put one together for ECCC. So, I've changed the format a bit. No more commentary on each picture and you're going to need to click on them to embiggen. It's like I just stepped into 2009.



There you are. On a personal story side, the guy dressed up as Peter Parker with Spidey-Sense was really cool. I kept running into him everywhere and he said hi to my son. The group costumes like the Flash and the Aim scientists were hella rad. The guy dressed up as Patriot (ie African American Captain America) looked the part. I don't know where he got that costume or if he made it but it looked like it was ready to be on screen.

Look for Part 2 tomorrow!