Merry New Year!

Here's hoping everyone out there gets to party like a Sacramento King's dancer.

How yous doin'?

How much crap do you have to put in your hair to get it to look like you just stepped out of final fantasy VII? When I had my mohawk it took a good 10 minutes of washing to get out all the hair glue out. I imagine this guy probably has to go to the zoo every couple days and get hosed down with the elephants. I'm sure that explains the action tiger hoodie.

Is he not wearing a shirt? Where's that left hand going? Who are they kissing? Is she wearing her underwear on the outside of her clothes? I swear, myspace if for 12 year old girls and idiots... and I don't think he's a 12 year old girl.

(via uncoached.com) 15 Dudes With Whom I’d Love Nothing More Than to Beat Up

Most Soccer Players are Idiots

"If I protest hard enough I'm sure the ref will change his mind"

This video is from a recent friendly between the Peruvian national team and Extremadura (don't ask, it doesn't matter). Peru led 2-1 with the final whistle approaching when the ref awarded Extremadura a spot-kick. Boom! Chaos on the pitch.

Everyone of the guys that touched the ref should have been red carded.

Harder than you think

Hey kids remember public enemy? No?... how did I get so old?

Satan against Gay Marriage?

this is how the dead used to text message before chad at alltel hooked them up

There's just so much good stuff going on in this Parker Games ad for the infamous Ouija board. First off the thinly veiled sexual undertones about a boy making the best partner. I'm pretty sure they're implying that satan is pro premarital sex, but only the heterosexual kind. And if you need to ask your grandmother's ghost if you should go steady, maybe it's time to see other people. Hopefully not dead people. Lastly in the fine print, Parker Games claims a Ouija board makes a great Christmas present. Celebrate your saviors birth by contacting spirits and demons! why not just give your loved ones a golden calf?

via wellmedicated.com

Steven Gerrard.. something.. something.. cheeky

whatever is going on here has never happened to me in 3 years of playing soccer

So much for Steven Gerrard being the one likeable guy on the English national team. Reports are he spent the night in jail after autographing some guys face with his fist. Is there anyone on the three lions that isn't a complete jackass? I can't wait for these guys to fall apart in 2010.

He can walk, no.. He can run!

please stay away from my leg... please stay away from my leg...

So last night Arsenal's reserves played Portsmouths reserves in what would usually be a pretty boring exhibition. However, this match saw the return of Croation international Eduardo Da Silva. You may remember Eduardo from this horror injury he picked up at the hands of Martin Taylor last year.

Eduardo played 45 minutes and then was subbed out after his hammy started to tighten up on him. Could Eduardo's return to Arsenal's starting line up mean they'd be willing to sell RVP or Adebeyor? They're supposedly in a bit of a bind when it comes to available cash, and you've gotta think a team like Real Madrid could over pay for anyone that can score goals.

Daredevil's pimp hand is strong

I'm afraid to know what he means by "barely legal"
via viral nerd

Dogs can be indecisive

Facts:
-pugs aren't very smart
-pugs are very cute
-most pugs have huge gambling problems

You owe me 10 dollars

X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE HD


Now you don't have to go see the reportedly awful remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still to watch the awesomeness of the new Wolverine trailer. It's hard to get to excited about an X-Men movie not done by Bryan Singer. Still this does have Ryan Reynolds and Liev Schreiber in it, but then on the other hand Gambit is in it...

Goal of the Weak

wrong goal Carragher, thanks for helping screw up my picks this week.

Dancing with the Soccer Stars

By "stars" I mean some norwegian soccer player you've probably never heard of. And by "dancing" I mean an astounding display of emberassments. Do your self a favor, skip to the 1:10 mark.

Remember the Great Depression? Good times...

"ok how about 5 billion a piece and we'll throw in floor mats and undercoating for free"

Depressing news from the auto industry this morning days.

Senate GOP Voted Against Bailout To Strike "Blow Against Organized Labor" (jalopnik.com)

Autoworker wage and benefit differences (the associated press)

Bush May Use TARP Fund To Rescue US Auto Makers (cnbc.com)

GM Hires Bankruptcy Advisers: Report (the street.com)

It really sounds like US auto makers just needed better PR people. Over the last couple weeks they've been getting blasted for not making cars fuel efficent enough (even though class vs class comparisons show they do), for flooding the US market with SUVs and light trucks (stupid companies making the cars the US market demanded?) and for paying their workers to much (what, they pay their workers well and give them good benefits? sounds like socialism!). I'm crossing my fingers that they can work things out on their own. It's obvious that they're not going to be getting any help from goverment that doesn't come with huge strings attached. Somehow somewhere the american public decided that 700 billion handed out to financial insitutions without any oversight is an awesome idea, but don't you dare try and give the largest remaining manufacturing industry in the US a small fraction of that money.

Meanwhile in cars you won't get to drive because everyone will be bankrupt news...

Ford Fusion Hybrid Gets Fuel Economy Rating Of 43.8 MPG In Jalopnik Road Test
43.8 mpg and it doesn't look like an alien suppository from the future? Sign me up. On the other hand with gas back down to under 2 dollars a gallon, maybe I'll pick up one of these instead...
"Based on the Focus ST, the Focus RS is made the red-headed step child of the range by adding an aggressive body kit, more power and better handling. Powered by a modified Duratec 2.5-liter 5-cylinder featuring 300PS and over 410Nm of torque, the 2010 Ford Focus RS should give a 0-60 time of 5.9 seconds and a top speed of 164 mph. Modifications to the standard motor include unique camshafts, a revised cylinder head and intake manifold." -jalpnik.com

Forget the Dark Night special edition on DVD, this is what I really want for christmas.

Al Gore demands more pirates!

I gotta say that this chart is pretty iron clad proof that the depiratization of the world is causing global warming. If it alone doesn't convince you, then you should consider that Somalia has the highest number of pirates and the lowest Carbon emissions of any country.

Nice hair coach

According to the Seattle PI, The Columbus Crew have announced that Sigi Schmid will not return next season as head coach. There's almost no way the sounders don't announce him as head coach in the next couple days.
Thanks for the good work over the years Brian Schmetzer, but now it's time to let the big boys go to work.

2118 pounds of weed

Let me tell you what brown can't do for you. They can't hold your weed for you.

Ton of Marijuana Seized From Cloned UPS Truck in Arizona

SDCC Watchmen Footage

Finally here's the extra watchmen footage that was shown at the san diego comic con this year. Not sure if this will last on the you tubes. it's supposed to be an iphone exclusive, so lets all see how big of jerks apple can be about this kind of stuff.

"I want to make money"

The governor of Illinois is a a crook and a dumbass...
Governor Rod Blagojevich was arrested by FBI agents today on federal corruption charges. He's being accused of shopping around Barack Obama's empty senate seat for the biggest kick-back. He was also caught threatening to withhold state assistance to the recently bankrupt chicago tribune unless they fire certain editorial staff members. Apparently the feds have him on tape, so I can't imagine this trial will last very long. the full story can be found here at cnn.com

there's really nothing funny here, just typical political corruption american style. at least when these things happen in italy the politicians speak with a funny accent. "I a wanna make-a more-a tha money", then they pick up some coins eat a glowing mushroom and jump away to save another princess.

"You don't want anymore than that on marble"

Most Ford Fiesta reviews won't let you know how well it performs when being chased by a corvette inside a shopping mall. Luckily the guys at top gear took care of that for us.

Who doesn't love dating hot quarterbacks?

Thanks Tony Kornheiser, you're an idiot. I did a bit of interweb research and as it turns out Garcia's not gay (not matter how much much terrell owens says he is). In fact a couple years ago he married Former Playboy Playmate of the year Carmella Decesare.

Seriously a former playboy playmate. I mean this guy looks kinda like a hairless cabbage patch kid. talk about outkicking your coverage. It's almost as impressive as troll doll/mexican international Nery Castillo's girlfriend Imogen thomas.

Which still isn't as impressive as part time german goal keeper/full time cave man Oliver Kahn and his wife Verena Kerth. Kahn looks like he's ready to film a geico comercial.

Need more ugly guy/hot girl combos, check out Ucoached.com's 9 Humongous Mismatches in Soccer WAG History

On donner, on blitzen!

On first glance this might look bad, however I'm going to go ahead and defend santa here. People these days will sue you over anything and everything. When you're putting together a list of who's been naughty and who's been nice, most lawyers will tell you that it's best to have photo documentation.
You can Judge him all you want, but are you out there delivering toys to all the good little girls and boys? I mean that sleigh has got to be freezing, it's not like he can roll up the windows in that thing.oh fine.... santa's a pervert. are you happy now? Merry freaking Christmas!

Goal of the Weak

I know I know, the quality of this video makes the zapruder film look like it was shot on imax... Still here's my vote for this weeks goal that should never have been. John Rankin of Hibernian launching a floater to Celtic goalie Boruc from about 40 yards out.


Lv02.mpg - video powered by Metacafe
I'm sure Boruc was distracted by the current financial crisis, that's why he took his eyes off the ball. Or maybe he was just thinking about candy and forgot he was playing soccer for a while. Happens to the best of us

Gunfight!

this video is awesome, nuff said.

get a haircut hippie

One more for the wife. This is from last nights rutgers/louisville game. Guess what happens when the guy with the dreadlocks running down the sideline is chased down from behind?

The horse collar rule is stupid, and this just helps prove that. Heaven forbid you pull a guy down from behind by his shoulder pads, but if you can grab a handful of hair... well then, have at it! Why not just play two hand touch, or make sure every team has a chance at the ball in overtime?

What's good for the goose

A certain wife who will remain nameless didn't appricate the article on Rafael Van der Vaart as much as my co-workers did. As an olive branch DevilDinosaur is proud to present AC Milan's latest dreamboat Yoann Gourcuff.

Currently Mr Gourcuff is playing for Bordeaux on loan from AC Milan. He has 2 goals in 13 appearances and is finally starting to get some playing time on the french national squad. I've watched a couple Bordeaux games this year and Gourcuff is the real deal. He's quick with the ball, makes good decisions and has that kind of a young decco vibe going on for him. With AC Milan's squad full of guys older than I am, it won't be long before he's starting for the rossonerri. Also I hear he writes poetry, loves walks on the beach, raises puppies in his spare time and is newly single.

Who works out in jeans and no shirt? Also where are his shoes? I hate this guy...

My Eyes! The goggles do nothing!

I'm sure I'll get ran out of town for saying this, but sweet sassy mollasy the new Seattle Sounders uniforms are ugly! They kind of remind me of something I saw bell biv devoe wear on the arsenio hall show 16 years ago.
Since the shirt sponser is X-Box I vote for a 3rd jersey that's the same color as the red ring of death.

Who ya gonna call?

Ray. If someone asks if you are a god, you say, "yes!"

Who wears the pants here?

This story is everywhere today, and a certain nameless operations manager has complained I don't blog about hot ladies enough.

Apparently Dutch soccer "superstar" Rafael Van der Vaart picked up an intentional booking last season so he would be suspended for a game and go to his wife's birthday party.

"Before the match had begun, Huub Stevens (Van der Vaart's former manager) said to his assistant: “Van der Vaart will deliberately pick up a fifth yellow card. His wife is celebrating her 30th birthday and he wants to be there.”
Stevens was right. Van der Vaart kicked the ball away after the referee had blown the whistle and duly earnt a yellow card.
Three days later the team played Hertha BSC in Berlin – without superstar Rafael – where they drew 0-0. And there was one happy WAG, Sylvie van der Vaart, who got to celebrate her birthday with her husband." - build.com

It's hard enough convincing most non-soccer fans that soccer players are serious athletes, you know 'cause most of them're european. This kinda nonsense isn't going to help. Can you imagine a guy like Ray Lewis or Walter Jones skipping a game to play tea party with his wife? Even A-rod doesn't skip batting practice to hang out with madonna, and he's about as wussy an athlete as we've got in the states.

...ok fine she's attractive. Still you're a professional athlete, lucky enough to get paid big time bucks to play a game most of us regular fans are willing to pay money to play. Show some respect to the fans, especially to the season ticket hol.. and to the spor..

...um, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, priorities! Soccer is just a game, but family is what's really important in life. Good for Rafael, I hope things work out for him and Real Madrid.

Comics are for kids!

Finally a collectible statue that will tell my fellow co-workers how much I love comics and whores! Thanks Marvel, how soon can I get you my 200 dollars?

I'm not sure what this one tells them...

Saaaaved by Zeeeero

Popular Mechanics has an absolutely brilliant article up on the 10 cars that damaged GMs reputation. I've posted a few of the highlights

"Legend has it that when Chevrolet Division Manager John DeLorean went to the GM Proving Grounds to get his first look at a prototype of the new 1971 Chevrolet Vega, the front of the car literally fell off onto the ground....the only innovative thing on the Vega was the all-aluminum block around which its 2.3-liter four-cylinder engine was constructed. Unfortunately, the art of building aluminum engine blocks was in its infancy back in 1971 and the unlined cylinder walls of Vega engines were scoring almost instantly. That led to lots of oil burned and early death for this engine. Throw in haphazard build quality and sheetmetal that you could practically hear rusting away, and the Vega truly rates as one of GM's great debacles. But the Vega was actually a sales success. Chevy sold nearly 268,000 during the 1971 model year, over 390,000 during 1972, almost 396,000 during 1973, and over 450,000 during 1974 (sales finally collapsed during the 1975 model year)... But ultimately that meant there were just that many more people disappointed by the Vega. By the mid-1980s, Vegas were being junked so aggressively that some salvage yards in Southern California had signs up saying they wouldn't accept any more."

I'm sure there was some VP at GM that thought all the mechanical problems the Vega was having would be great for sales. I mean the sooner your customers have to buy a new car the sooner you get to sell them a new one, right? What else are they going to do, throw their vote away? it's a two party system!
Sorry I channeled Kodos there for a second.

"From the late 1970s and into the early '80s, Oldsmobile sold the most popular car in America: the Cutlass. Olds was on a sales roll; it seemed nothing would be able to stop the division. Then came the Oldsmobile diesels, and stopping is exactly what they did best.... Soon after the 5.7-liter diesel V8 debuted in Oldsmobile full-size 88 and 98 models (during 1978), the engines started tearing themselves apart. That extreme fragility was despite the fact that the 5.7-liter diesel option cost between $800 and $1000 extra per car and only made a puny 120 hp and a stingy 220 lb-ft of peak torque at 1600 rpm. In short, these engines were awful. But the 4.3-liter version of the diesel V8 was even worse—rated at only 90 hp, it was somehow even more fragile.... And when the engines inevitably blew up, the cars they were in would either head to an early death in a junkyard or have a more reasonable powerplant swapped in."

A 5.7L diesel that gets 120hp and puts out 220lb-ft of torque! My nissan sentra has a 1.8L 126hp aluminum hamster on a wheel and it gets 30 miles to a gallon. Sure it's not as torquey as the super manly V8, but come on. This isn't just a car that helped kill GM, but diesel engine production in the US. Mention a diesel engine to anyone over 35 and this is the kind of car they think of. A smoke belching piece of crap that costs a ton to maintain and has no performance bonuses over it's regular gas powered brothers. To bad no one thinks of the 63mpg Ford Fiesta that's only available in europe.

"Even today, the two-seat GM EV1 remains one of the best-engineered, best-working pure electric vehicles ever released to the public. With clever engineering throughout its aluminum structure, an incredibly aerodynamic body and a whole bunch of lead-acid batteries, the first-generation EV1 was able to go maybe 75 miles if driven with extreme care. The second-generation EV1 with nickel-metal-hydride batteries upped that range to about 150 miles... GM built the EV1 to satisfy a mandate from the state of California that 2 percent of a manufacturer's fleet sold there be zero-emissions vehicles. However, the EV1 and electric vehicles built by other manufacturers finally convinced the California Air Resources Board that the zero-emissions mandates weren't achievable by then-current technology. This led to the cancellation of the mandate. So GM canceled the EV1, and when the leases on the 1117 it had produced ran out,GM took them back and crushed them...suddenly the world was full of conspiracy theories about why GM "killed" the electric car. If the Hummer H2 makes GM seem callous toward the environment, the way GM handled the EV1 makes the company seem downright hostile. It's been a public relations nightmare."

Here it is the granddaddy of all GM screw ups. At a time when people were starting to worry about global warming and the price of gas was about to go through the roof, GM decided to crush its entire fleet of electric cars. Now they could focus on more cost effective projects like rebadging its Suburban into belgian military grade knock off humvees. You really think GM has been helped out by the small army of crooked hat retards driving these things around the country? I'm pretty sure this is the reason the terrorist hate us.

what's up with this guy?

This is like a photographic interpretation of the old lewis black joke, "if it wasn't for my horse...". When did the 76ers hire a christmas rat to be their mascot. Really philadelphia, this is the best you could do for christmas?

That's not legal

Maybe I'll start a collection of creative soccer cheating videos. Here we have Hull favorite Dean Windass trying to interupt "internet icon" (or how about "you tube phenom"?) Rory Delap's throw in during last weekends matchup. Apparently he got away with this one, but was carded for a second attempt at distracting Delap.

I think I would wear a yellow card from the sideline as some kind of badge of honor. I mean most subs just sit in their big cushy chair doing nothing all game. Dean Windass is out there patroling the sidelines acting as some sort of rougue defender, above the law. He's like the steven segal of epl bench warmers.

The financ-apocalypse is at hand!

I was trying to come up with some sort of black friday post, but there's really nothing that I can say that Gizmodo didn't already cover. I particularly enjoyed points #5 "you don't really want this crap" and #2 "May the Worst Man Win".

10 Reasons We're Doomed

Now off to best buy to see if I can save 15 dollars on an MP3 player without getting tampled to death!

"like sacks of wet cement"

No way I couldn't post this on thanksgiving.

Triumph FTW!

Enjoy your thanksgiving!

I'm going to Euro-Disney land..

The MLS expansion draft has a long storied history (2 whole years, right?) of players never actually seeing any action for the expansion team that drafted them. In that tradition I give you Seattle Sounders FC expansion draft pick Jeff Parke. Parke's a solid MLS defender with lots of talent that will probably end up in europe playing for some 2nd division sweedish team because the MLS salary cap blows. On the other hand he's a cheater that got busted using andro, so good riddance.

However, Seattle did pick up a couple of guys I would expect to make the final team. Nate Jaqua is a guy that's been linked to seattle for what seems like forever. Jaqua is a tall guy that should be able to score some goals for Seattle. He also has a couple of caps for the USMNT which is good I guess. EJ or Ching must have been sick those days. Nathan Sturgis is also a guy that on paper looks like a lock for the team. He's a young midfielder with a ton of NCAA accolades, that can play defense if asked to. Plus, according to wikipedia, he drew some attention from the staff at Chelsea when the Galaxy did a tour of europe a couple years ago.

Here's a full report from Soccer by ives

Jaqua leads Seattle's 10 expansion picks

screw you batman

If I wanted to write a story where batman was forced to retire, I think I could do it without heroin addiction and orgies, but that's just me. I'm creative like that.

batman rests in pieces today

I want my guns n' roses

Mc Lars owned me with vegan Buckethead..

Ummm yeah

Newsarama ran an interesting article today about a comic shop in Orlando that uses some very "out of the box" marketing techniques. The article is written by one of the shops owners. It mentioned actual protests they organized against the superhero registration act that was a big plot in most Marvel comics a little over a year ago. Also covered was campaign they ran to get comics into the hands of US troops overseas and a pretty cool story about a real life zombie defense program they ran.

Of course the picture that ran on the front page was of a real life glamour model gal dressed up as super-girl. Apparently they've been very successful with a program called Girls of a Comic Shop. Is this good marketing or is it too sexy for an industry most people still associate with teens and children? Most of the outfits the models are wearing are tame in comparison to some of the things worn in comics. Also most comic book readers these days are men in their 20s and 30s, so the program certainly hits home with their target demo. Still I'm not sure if my wife would want to come to the shop with me on weekends if there were models dressed like this hanging around.

...call it a hunch but I seriously doubt she actually read that copy of ultimate x-men she's about to pick up. Lastly, does the fact that this kind of marketing works reinforce stereotypes that all comic book readers are dateless geeks, or is it just all in good fun and I need to get with the times?

Well played captain douche bag

Not legal in the least, but very skillfull none the less. What's up with this guy and keepers? He just got done serving a red card suspension for doing something similar against stoke. If I was a keeper, and my team just went up on arsenal 2-0, I'd be afraid of this guy pulling a gun on me.

EPL > NFL

"As a means of promoting the TaiKai betting craze, Betfair are offering any player who does a ridiculous goal celebration dance (ably demonstrated by Page 3 lovely Peta Todd) the princely sum of £10,000." - thespoiler.co.uk



If I score a goal tonight in my co-rec game, I will be doing this celebration. I'm not sure how to collect on my £10,000.

where quality is job #16 or #17

I want to buy a Holden Commodore, but for some reason I'd be very hesitant to buy a Pontiac G8 GXP. Even after reading jalopnik.com's first look at the G8. I mean it's the same car right? The Holden is just the Australian version of the G8. But for some reason the thought of buying a pontiac leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Growing up I had plenty of opportunities to push all kinds of dead detroit made machinery out of the middle of the street. My ford thunderbird, my dad's corvette and his chevy s-10, my mom's lincoln continental, a friend's dodge daytona, another friend's firebird. This is just what american cars do right? they look pretty, are filled with gadgets and doo-dads, have plenty of hp, burn oil, and leave you with ample opportunities to get some fresh air, walking to the nearest payphone. Would it be considered tragic or ironic if the big 3 were to go out of business right around the same time they finally started making excellent cars?

Maybe I can buy a G8 and pay the extra $2500 for the body kit and badges that allow you to "convert" it into the Holden.

Heroes creator thinks poorly of me

"[Serialized storytelling] is a very flawed way of telling stories on network television right now, because of the advent of the DVR and online streaming. The engine that drove [serialized TV] was you had to be in front of the TV [when it aired]. Now you can watch it when you want, where you want, how you want to watch it, and almost all of those ways are superior to watching it on air. So [watching it] on air is related to the saps and the dipshits* who can't figure out how to watch it in a superior way." ---- Tim Kring, heroes creator, courtesy of the AV Club and IGN

Thank God Tim Kring cleared this up for me. I'm off to the comcast store to pick up my DVR, next weeks episode should be awesome now!

Image is everything

Yep, that's kenny G showing his support for los gringos at a world cup game way back in '94. in the states if you tell someone you're a soccer fan this is what they think of. it's no big secret that 90 percent of americans think soccer is for little girls, canyonero driving moms, and alto saxophonists with perms. I mean look at this guy, he can't even hold his dainty woodwind in a manly way, and I say that as someone who used to play the flute.

If only there was someway to get more images like this into the american subconscious..




although I think my friend ben would argue more americans would support soccer if fans looked like this...

I can ride my bike with no handlebars

I've only played Guitar Hero once, but I'll be damned if this isn't the bee's knees. Why do I have to look at Kobe and A-Rod prance in their underwear when the "viral marketing" division is rolling out sweetness like this?



+1 for picking an awesome song.

The land of Volkswagons and Heidi Klum

So it's finally final. Our man-boy Landon Donovan is off to the german league. More specifically off to join Bayern Munich on loan. Sounds like a good deal for everyone involved. Donovan gets a third crack at Europe to see if he really has what it takes to play with the big boys (crystal ball says no). The Galaxy and the MLS don't lose one of their "star players", but they still get a bit off a publicity pop on the international stage.

However I don't really see this having any short term benefits for the USMNT, I think Donovan is at a point in his career where the player he is now is the player he's going to be. The idea that just playing beside Lucca Toni and Frank Ribery is somehow supposed to transform him into an elite player on the international level feels like a bit of a reach.

In short, dinosaur pope approves of this loan deal

Good guys 2, Bad guys 0

If any team deserves a 6-0 beat down barbados style, it's Guatemala. However, I can live with a nice clean 2-0 win. Especially when the goals come from 3 guys that have to see more time with the national team. here's some highlights if I can get the youtubes to work.