Winter Links

What Pizzagate has in common with every conspiracy theory. Have you read anything about Pizzagate? Man these guys are absolute nut bags and generally speaking I'm pretty forgiving when it comes to conspiracies. I don't rule out Bigfoot and I wouldn't be surprised in the least if the government had proof of Aliens. I'll even give you some cabal of super wealthy that run everything. Those conspiracy theories at least have a small amount of logic behind them. The idea that the Clintons are using a Pizza place as some sort of cover for a child sex ring is so ridiculously out there that I can't even...

Top Six Winter Driving Tips! Here's tip number 7, these tips are fake. They're funny but remember that they are fake. If you see a Yeti you should DEFINITELY try and mate with it. Passing up on some sweet Yeti action like that is 6 years bad luck.

Time Loop movies that don't suck. This is a pretty good list, frankly I can't believe someone else saw the movie Triangle. There's a couple clunkers in here (Donnie Darko is garbage, sorry cool kids) but you could spend a lot worse time than checking all of these out.

The 25 Best Comics of 2016. I didn't read most of the comics on this list (I think total I read 7) but what I did read was very very good so I'm going to go ahead and say that this is a solid list. It's also a stark reminder that I need to keep cutting back on titles from DC and Marvel so I have more flex money to spend on smaller publishers. Only thing that didn't make the list that feels like a real snub to me is Descender. I couldn't give you a specific title but there was more than one issue this year that really blew me away. Absolutely the best Sci-Fi book going today.

The Sandlerverse

Hey kids, want to watch a guy that looks like he just escaped a looney bin explain how every Adam Sandler movie takes place in a shared universe? What else are you going to do this morning, work? Please, work is for suckers.

Link-nado

G.I. Joe Creator Sues to Regain Rights to $100 Million Copyright. Good luck buddy. Maybe he'll get a settlement out of this but so far creators doing work for hire haven't had much luck in the courts getting ownership of their creations back. This case is a little different as the GI Joe creator says he independently came up with the idea of the original GI Joe doll and THEN he pitched it to Hasbro. I don't know, I'm just a simple caveman, your world frightens and confuses me...

The Oath Keepers Are Ready for War with the Federal Government. And now onto some guys that think they're GI Joe. Have you heard of the Oath Keepers? These guys are nutso. They're the literal interpretation of the 2nd amendment taking up arms against the government to protect the constitution. Warning, this is a super long read but I think given the current political climate it's well worth the time. Just remember the next time some kid is shot by a police officer because he was holding a toy guy that just a few months ago these guys drew guns against federal officials at Cliven Bundy's ranch and not one of them was arrested. USA USA USA.

Director Richard Donner On The Legacy Of ‘The Goonies,’ 30 Years Later. Another really LONG read, sorry about that. Still if you feel like getting your nostalgia on you could do worse than spending 15 minutes reading about The Goonies.

‘Firenado’ caused after lightning strikes bourbon-filled pond near Jim Beam facility. You know the old story; bourbon warehouse is hit by lightening, bourbon spills into pond, lightening hits pond, pond ignites into flames, wind causes fire tornado... it's really a tale as old as time.

Miss Links

Bikini Coffee Shacks Full Of Hookers. WHAT? I'm shocked, shocked I tell ya. I can't believe that these baristas would offer sexual favors in exchange for tips. True story time: I drive by one of these sexy espresso stands every day on my way to work. They have a sign out that has whatever the day's theme is like bondage or school girl. The other day it said wet t-shirt and I saw one of the customers spraying a girl in a white t-shirt with a water bottle after he got his coffee.

It was the weirdest thing ever. Not sexy at all. Who decides on their way to work they really need a grande white chocolate mocha and to spray down some titties? Maybe I'm just a prude. I've been to Hooters twice and both times I've felt hella uncomfortable. When I ogle women I don't want them to know I'm ogling them.

... wait a minute that sounds a thousand times worse.

5 More pictures from the Set of Star Wars Episode VII. Not gonna lie to you. My pants got just a little bit tighter after looking at these pictures of various spacecraft from the set of Episode VII. I know I'm just setting myself up for disappointment but I am both pumped and jacked to take my son to see a new Star Wars movie in the theater. Even if it's complete crap I know he's really going to love it. You have no idea how many times he's made me watch Episode I.

Mikal kHill - The Snuggle is REAL. Mikal kHill's new album The Snuggle is REAL was released yesterday. I've only gotten the chance to listen to it a couple times in the car but so far what I've heard is FANTASTIC. If you were big into underground hip hop from the late 90s this is the nerdcore album for you.

Conservative Christian Rewrites Harry Potter So Her Kids Won’t Turn Into Witches. Holy shit... You really have to read this. Hogwarts is a school for prayer and miracles, Obama is Voldemort, Slythrins are all Catholics, only silly Hufflepuffs believe women should have careers, It's all quite amazing. If someone was trying to write a parody of what they think a tea party approved conservative Christian Harry Potter would be like, it would be this book.

Far be it for me to tell you how to raise your children but if you really think the Harry Potter books are going to push your children into witchcraft your kids are in for a rough time. Or maybe you live in the south. In that case sharpen those pitchforks and pass the ammo.

Miss America Was Kicked Out of Her Sorority for Abusive Hazing. Sweet Christmas, the rumored hazing Miss New York has been accused of is horrible and totally hot. At least it is until you realize it's kind of rape. There's your lead. Miss America is probably a rapist. USA USA USA!

Also this might be a good time to point out John Oliver's amazing takedown of the Miss America Pageant. If you missed it earlier this week you should check it out. Big ups to HBO for putting the best parts of Last Week Tonight on Youtube for free.

TGILinks

The FTC is calling Kelly Brook a liar. Turns out those goofy looking shoes that are supposed to help you loose weight and give you a smokin hot ass don't actually do anything. Well they did do one thing, they cost Rebook 25 million dollars in a lawsuit.

Best of the Friend-Zone Phil meme. If you can't relate to these then congratulations, you and I had a very different High School experience.

What the heck is Rosh Hashanah? Yeah that's two straight articles by pleated jeans. I don't care that dude is funny... But he's probably not Jewish, I'm no rabbi or anything but I think he got a few of his facts wrong.

The X-Men Guide to Puberty. It's funny and it makes you think. Puberty is hard enough, imagine having to go through it with a metal arm growing out of your crotch.


Grown man attacks boy over Call of Duty match. I don't think this guy should go to jail, he should be given a key to the city. Playing COD would be a much better experience if teens thought they could actually get beaten for their racist bs.

World of Class Warfare

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
World of Class Warfare - Warren Buffett vs. Wealthy Conservatives
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog The Daily Show on Facebook

This is for all my fiends with conservative parents. John Stewart just eviscerates a couple of new republican talking points. First, the idea that raising taxes on the rich is really class warfare and would have an insignificant impact on the federal budget. Second, that too many people in the US pay nothing at all in taxes and need to start paying their share.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
World of Class Warfare - The Poor's Free Ride Is Over
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog The Daily Show on Facebook

The Dog Cheated

I bet he went on 2.

I'd like to hear what Charlie Sheen has to say

via diablodinosaur

Hurt Lock Producer's kind of a douche

picture unrelated.. but awesome
It was reported last week that the studio behind Academy Award winner The Hurt Locker was about to drop the ban hammer on a bunch of torrent nerds. They're preparing a giant lawsuit against tens of thousands of people that downloaded their film (and a couple other crap fests no one has heard of) illegally. Well, concerned movie watcher and probable bit-torrent user, Nicholas (last name withheld) wrote a relatively nice letter to one of the Hurt Locker's producers in response to the lawsuit.

"I wish to register my disagreement with these tactics, and would like you to know that as a result of these actions I am boycotting your films. The majority of the people you are suing were not seeking to make money from their downloads, and will be financially devastated by a lawsuit or settlement. While it is completely understandable that Voltage Pictures wishes to defend its intellectual property, this is an inhumane way of doing so."

That doesn't sound to crazy. I mean it's hard to defend stealing, but do Movie studios really want to start suing viewers? Here's Hurt Lock Producer Nicolas Chartier's response.

"Hi Nicholas, please feel free to leave your house open every time you go out and please tell your family to do so, please invite people in the streets to come in and take things from you, not to make money out of it by reselling it but just to use it for themselves and help themselves..."

Here's where it really gets good

"...I hope your family and your kids end up in jail one day for stealing so maybe they can be taught the difference. Until then, keep being stupid, you’re doing that very well. And please do not download, rent, or pay for my movies, I actually like smart and more important HONEST people to watch my films."

That's right, the punishment for downloading a movie should be your kids in jail. This is why I just make a copy of everything I rent via netflix, then sell the copies to Mexico. At least that's what I used to before NAFTA, stupid democrats.

Check out the full letters at FilmDrunk

Craig Bellamy demands satisfaction

Bellamy & Garrido - Click here for the funniest movie of the week

Craig Bellamy has the crazy eyes. Look at him the wrong way and he'll kneecap you with a 9 iron. So guess what happened when a fan ran out onto the field during this weekends Manchester Derby? That's right, Bellamy ran half the length of the field just to smack the guy in the face while security held him down. You stay classy Craig Bellamy.

That's a nice looking goat you have there

Remember a week ago when I told you the people of Walmart was going to be huge. Well I was right. What's next you ask? The Cars of Walmart of course.

Ok, so it's not it's own website but a forum that's collected all the best car pictures from people of walmart. Just look at the pictures and stop asking questions or your grounded.

Why is everybody crazy?

after posing for the picture he ate the baby..
The last thing I want to do is turn this into a blog all about politics, but it's hard to ignore a story that starts "Pastor prays for Obama's death"

On August 16th, Pastor Steven Anderson delivered a sermon titled "Why I Hate Barack Obama."In it, Anderson admitted he prays for the president's death.It is a position he reiterated Sunday.

"If you want to know how I'd like to see Obama die, I'd like him to die of natural causes," said Anderson. "I don't want him to be a martyr, we don't need another holiday. I'd like to see him die, like Ted Kennedy, of brain cancer."

~kansascitystar.com

I'm not sure what riles me up more. This d-bag praying for someone to die of brain cancer or his belief that we don't need another holiday. Hells yeah we need another holiday. Does this guy have any idea how busy I am? Batman Arkham Asylum just came out, I'm still only halfway through Shadow Complex and I haven't even touched the used copy of Bioshock I picked up a month ago. We don't need another Holiday my ass.

Frenchman Pulls a Clive Cussler

If this story of survival and human achievement (in a speedo no less) doesn't brighten your day, than I don't know what will.

When you're stranded in the Moroccan desert with ten days of rations and a basket-case Citroen 2CV, do you give up? Hell no! You do what Emile Leray did!

~jalopnik.com

Unfortunately, no one is 100 percent sure exactly what he did. It looks like he took inspiration from the movie Sahara and turned his broken down citroen into a sweet looking motorcycle. He then rode it out of the desert with a beer in one hand and a Steppenwolf track blaring in the background (at least that's what I assume happened). The pictures of his creation are pretty sweet and just for good measure here's a trailer for Sahara. A movie so awesome Clive Cussler (the writer of the book it was based on) sued to keep it from being released.

Luke Kay is living the dream

If this isn't the best story you'll read today about one mans obsessive love for Star Wars memorabilia, I'll eat my hat.

Luke Kay’s mammoth haul, which includes 16,000 costumes, props from Star Wars and other big screen classics, fills the house he lives in, another one he rents and two storage units.

This already sounds awesome right? Well wait until you read some of what he actually has.

Skywalker’s original light sabre from The Empire Strikes Back.
A full-sized moving version of Star Wars baddie Jabba the Hut
Full-size R2D2 and C3PO robots made from the same moulds as the originals.
An exact copy of the famous gold bikini worn by Princess Leia after she was captured by Jabba.
The distinctive orange flight suit and helmet worn by Skywalker in his X-Wing fighter in The Empire Strikes Back.
The jacket and trousers worn by the same character while he is being trained by Master Yoda during Star Wars: A New Hope.
An original Kit car from 80s hit TV show Knight Rider
Two full-size speeder bikes

That's right, two speeder bikes and a working Jabba the Hutt. If that isn't awesome I don't know what is. This truly is the uplifting story of the year.

The collection, which took more than a quarter of a century to assemble, grew so big that it even contributed to the end of his 21-year-marriage in 2006.

oh... maybe it's not so uplifting.

And although Mr Kay’s new girlfriend, Debbie Mawer, 26, has embraced the items and goes to events dressed in his costumes, the 42-year-old has decided to call it a day

Well that's kind of a happy ending. His collection is valued at more than 1 million pounds, so I guess the loss of his collection will be tempered with the solace that comes from a huge pile of cash and a 20 year old girlfriend. If I was him I wouldn't sell that Gold Bikini.... or one of the speeder bikes.

via the dialymail.co.uk