Miss Links

Bikini Coffee Shacks Full Of Hookers. WHAT? I'm shocked, shocked I tell ya. I can't believe that these baristas would offer sexual favors in exchange for tips. True story time: I drive by one of these sexy espresso stands every day on my way to work. They have a sign out that has whatever the day's theme is like bondage or school girl. The other day it said wet t-shirt and I saw one of the customers spraying a girl in a white t-shirt with a water bottle after he got his coffee.

It was the weirdest thing ever. Not sexy at all. Who decides on their way to work they really need a grande white chocolate mocha and to spray down some titties? Maybe I'm just a prude. I've been to Hooters twice and both times I've felt hella uncomfortable. When I ogle women I don't want them to know I'm ogling them.

... wait a minute that sounds a thousand times worse.

5 More pictures from the Set of Star Wars Episode VII. Not gonna lie to you. My pants got just a little bit tighter after looking at these pictures of various spacecraft from the set of Episode VII. I know I'm just setting myself up for disappointment but I am both pumped and jacked to take my son to see a new Star Wars movie in the theater. Even if it's complete crap I know he's really going to love it. You have no idea how many times he's made me watch Episode I.

Mikal kHill - The Snuggle is REAL. Mikal kHill's new album The Snuggle is REAL was released yesterday. I've only gotten the chance to listen to it a couple times in the car but so far what I've heard is FANTASTIC. If you were big into underground hip hop from the late 90s this is the nerdcore album for you.

Conservative Christian Rewrites Harry Potter So Her Kids Won’t Turn Into Witches. Holy shit... You really have to read this. Hogwarts is a school for prayer and miracles, Obama is Voldemort, Slythrins are all Catholics, only silly Hufflepuffs believe women should have careers, It's all quite amazing. If someone was trying to write a parody of what they think a tea party approved conservative Christian Harry Potter would be like, it would be this book.

Far be it for me to tell you how to raise your children but if you really think the Harry Potter books are going to push your children into witchcraft your kids are in for a rough time. Or maybe you live in the south. In that case sharpen those pitchforks and pass the ammo.

Miss America Was Kicked Out of Her Sorority for Abusive Hazing. Sweet Christmas, the rumored hazing Miss New York has been accused of is horrible and totally hot. At least it is until you realize it's kind of rape. There's your lead. Miss America is probably a rapist. USA USA USA!

Also this might be a good time to point out John Oliver's amazing takedown of the Miss America Pageant. If you missed it earlier this week you should check it out. Big ups to HBO for putting the best parts of Last Week Tonight on Youtube for free.

Bikini Baristas, real american heroes

I love local news. This summer my favorite local newstation's morning show sent a reporter to a popular jogging trail just to hand out free popsicles. They spent like 3 and a half minutes on that segment. The best part was that no one took the free popsicle.

Here's Spokane's own KLXY killing time with a story about what happens to the bravest of all baristas, the bikini barista, when the thermometer plunges.

2009 the year in mediocre blogging

Believe it or not I made 407 blog posts this year. That's not bad when you consider I'm barely literate. Here's the obligatory year end recap with the 12 most popular posts and topics in no particular order.

Robots

For me 2009 will always be remembered as the year I became convinced that Robots will rise up against us. You know how most billion dollar software companies located in Redmond WA will release a product that's incredibly buggy and needs to be imediately patched and upgraded right out of the box? Well try downloading and installing new drivers while a 100 pound pleasure bot is trying to rip off your junk.

Jersey Shore

It's easy to make fun of the so called "guidos" on Jersey Shore, what with all the punching and awesome Street Fighter mash-ups. But you who was doing it in January this year? That's right, this guy was.

Lingerie Football

Yep 2009 was the year the LFL took the nation by storm. Or at the very least padded this bloggers hits.

Jimmy Fallon

I still don't get it, but this post about Jimmy Fallon losing his hair is the second most popular thing I've ever posted on this blog. It scares me to no end knowing how many people use the internet to search for Jimmy Fallon.

Diora Baird

She's in Star Trek, then she's not in Star Trek and then she's in Thor. She's the most popular girl on the internet that no one has ever heard of. Her middle name might as well be "google image search".

Listener

I still can't get this song out of my head.

The Expendables

If loving Sylvester Stallone, Dolph Lundgren and Jason Statham is wrong, I don't want to be right

Michael Jackson

This post on Michael Jackson I made in June is still raking in the hits. Thank you stumbleupon.com.

Bikini Baristas

I used to live next to one of these. It was called Cowgirls Espresso. There was always some creepy dude standing outside the stand talking with one of the Baristas. Sorry Cowgirls, I want hot chocolate served by girls in chaps, not drama and insecure boyfriends.

Deadpool

I'm not sure why I became obsessed with Deadpool this year, but it happened. At least it wasn't the year of Squirrel girl or Matter Eater Lad.

Cosplayers

Posts about nerds that love to dress up as their favorite nerdly characters have become my go to move. If I collect just 4 more fat Batmans I can trade them in for one skanky Emma Frost or an Edward and a Bella.

Special 1 TV

I can't believe Special 1 TV died along with Setanta Sports. Wait Setanta Sports is still around? Then why the hell is no one making anymore Special 1 TV episodes?

There you have it, what can we expect in 2010? Are mummies the new zombies? Will peopleofWholefoods.com ever catch on? Are skateboarding pandas the new meme? Yes, No, Yes.

Sexpresso stand is heavy on the sex.. not so much on the espresso part

that my friends is a rape van, those ladies better cover up or start running!
Bikini Baristas! Prostitution! Undercover Police Stings! Naked Basetball! This story really has it all. Take it away Seattle times.

EVERETT — Five baristas have been charging customers to touch their breasts and buttocks at an espresso stand where servers wear bikinis to draw business, police said. The five were charged Wednesday with prostitution. Charging money for that kind of touching falls under the city's definition of prostitution.

The Everett Herald reports the women were charging up to $80 to strip down while fixing lattes and mochas.

During a two-month investigation, detectives also saw the women lick whipped cream off each other and pose naked for pictures at the Grab-n-Go Espresso stand in Everett, about 30 miles north of Seattle

I love the idea that this investigation took two months and that the stand is called "grab-n-go".

During one visit, a barista allegedly told a (undercover) detective that for $20, she and another barista would give him a show. He paid and they bared their breasts and pulled down their undergarments.

again the police did this for 2 months

The women also charged customers to play "basketball," a game in which customers threw wadded up money at the women, who caught the money in their underwear, detectives said.

Wait a minute? They charged customers money for the right to throw even more money at them? Did these ladies work for Enron? That's shear genius! Forget charging them with prostitution, I think the governor needs to hire these gals as consultants for the state budget department. There has to be some way we can trick Canada into giving us some of that sweet Olympics cash they're gonna be rolling in this winter.

Yakima hates g-strings, bikinis, capitalism, freedom, apple pie, etc..

the rare bad back tatoo plus unfortunate shaun alexander jersey combo

Aside from outlawing G-strings as primary workwear, there's not much the city of Yakima can do to regulate coffee stands and scantily clad baristas, a city attorney says.

Expanding on a memo to the City Council, Senior Assistant City Attorney Cynthia Martinez is expected to weigh in tonight on recent complaints from Mayor Dave Edler and others about bikini baristas and the "sexpresso" craze that is sweeping the Pacific Northwest."

Martinez also said the state Department of Labor and Industries and local health authorities are not interested in regulating barista attire from a safety standpoint.
Instead, she suggested the City Council consider amending the city's indecent exposure ordinance to prohibit see-through material and to clarify language that defines an immodest condition vaguely described as "cleavage of the buttocks."
~the Yakima Herald

There's really nothing more I can add to this story that dominic on Fark.com hasn't already said:

"I've accidentally gotten coffee from one of these bikini coffee stands, and I just have one thing to say. STOP GIVING ME BONERS BEFORE I HAVE TO GO TO WORK. Thank you."