It's Pumpkin Dance Time!

Sorry for the lack of posts the last couple days. I took a couple days off work while my wife was away on business and things went a bit off the rails. My son has decided sleeping is for jerks and is getting up 5 to 6 times a night. It's like having a newborn again. I am completely exhausted. I've had to pick him up early from school twice because he fell asleep. Who does that? Hopefully we get this figured out quickly, I hate the idea of having to take him to the doctor over a sleep issue.

Anyway, here's that guy from that TV station doing that dance. He's like the OG David S Pumpkins.

How to La Parka

Found out today that one of my credit cards got HACKED. Luckily they didn't run up to many charges but my card did get declined at my son's preschool. That's not embarrassing at all.

As such I needed something to cheer myself up and who better to do that than the original chairman La Parka? Step one, Dance!

2014, Back to the Future

Based on just the overall number of posts, 2014 was actually the least productive year I've had blogging since I started. I think I did a lot more reviews and long form ramblings than I have in past years. So I guess it's a trade off. Less posts but they take like a minute and a half to read instead of 30 seconds. I guess that's progress? I don't know man, I'm barely awake this morning.

So, without any further pomp and circumstance, let's take a look at the most popular or memorable posts of 2014.

I forgot I even wrote this post on Fantasy GI Joe Draft Rankings. I think I had plans on making this a big series of rankings and never got around to it.

2014 showed us the some of the worst the internet has to offer in The Fappening and Gamergate. The ring of hackers trading on celebrity nudes had been rumored for years but it's one thing to hear about something it's another to actually see it. Anyone that has any sort of internet connected device should be terrified of the Fappening. Anyone can steal anything, it's horrifying.

As always, Cosplay posts get lots of hits. ZOMG Cosplay is Killing Conventions! and Emerald City Comicon 2014 Cosplay Showcase both got a lot of hits. Maybe in 2015 I'll double down on Cosplay. I can practically taste that $100 pay out from adsense.

Back in my 2013 wrap up I predicted that the new generation of consoles would roll out a bunch of titles that really blew away the launch ones and have me jonesing for a PS4 or Xbone. Man was I wrong. Sure, there are some nice looking new games out there but most stories revolved around nerfed graphic settings or buggy launches. Except for the WiiU. Have you played a WiiU? The new Mario Kart is the heezy for sheezy.

My High School Reunion: The Review. Sweet Christmas, when did I get so old?

Squirt Guns: The Review. I guess whenever I started reviewing squirt guns?

Anytime I can take a subject that's making some hay on the internet and turn it into a post about me I'll do it. Too much Puff not enough Power with these girls is a perfect example of this. Can't critique someone else's art without talking about my own!

2014 was a weird year to be a nerd. The #1 movie of the year stared Groot and Rocket Racoon so it's not like nerds had it rough or anything but there's still this undercurrent of exploitation you have to deal with. She Hulk is a Porn Star and you're a nerd pretty much sums that up. The guy that co-wrote the Batman trilogy just throws shade on a whole slew of nerds without realizing he moved into a glass house. It's like it's cool to be nerdy but only if you're the right kind of nerd.

The Belgians Booty Rock Dvořák's Sypmphony No. 9 was a very popular post for reasons. In fact there was a lot of ass shaking in 2014, like a lot.

I could have included any number of posts on comic book movie casting but this one on From Wonder Woman to Mockingbird was the big winner for the year. It's almost like if you post pictures of attractive ladies you get more hits. I know, I know that sounds crazy but you can't argue with science.

And now just for fun, here are the top 20 search keywords:

nicole scherzinger boobs
kate upton nude
diora baird nude
larissa swanson ct
cosplay slip
diora baird
nicole scherzinger tits
soccer mom
abbey clancy ass
cosplay nip slip
lust of the dead
nicole scherzinger porn
cosplay nipple slip
jimmy fallon hair loss
kaley cuoco body paint
lfl
sofia vergara bikini
carrot top net worth
deadpool cosplay

Nicole scherzinger boobs? Cosplay nip slip? Abbey Clancy ass? Jimmy Fallon hair loss? You're all a bunch of perverts aren't you?

Here's to a fantastic 2015, with your help maybe we'll find that nicole scherzinger sex tape everyone is looking for.

Columbus Blue Jackets Fan Turns Down For What

There's been a lot of talk about bringing professional hockey to the Emerald City, after watching this video I'm not sure if I am ready for it or if I AM READY FOR IT!

Shake off that Anaconda

Yesterday morning Taylor Swift released her new video Shake It Off. Then a few hours later Nicki Minaj released her new video Anaconda. Please enjoy both.



Holy shit (pardon me this post is going to be full of swears). Within 12 hours of each other two monsters of pop music release videos that go "viral". In one Taylor Swift is singing about dancing your troubles away and in the other Nicki Minaj is literally rapping that she's fucking a guy because he has a big dick and sells cocaine. And she's the one of the two that has been a judge on American Idol, the most whitebread of whitebread shows.

Both videos feature everyone's favorite dance fad, twerking. But hot damn, there's twerking and then there's TWERKING. It's like if Taylor Swift had done the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge Nicki Minaj would have I don't know... shot a cop and then had sex with Drake in a bathtub of ice. It's for charity!

I don't know. I'm sure someone smarter and cleverer than I am can come up with better jokes and more insightful social commentary. Of course if you're looking for that sort of thing, stay the hell away from the comments on youtube. For me the most offensive part is the awful Baby Got Back samples. First off could she have picked a more obvious song. Secondly, whoever produced that beat should be shot into the moon. You clear Baby Got Back and that's what you do with it? For shame.

Dancing Groot

Ok, so I guess this is a big ol' spoiler for anyone that hasn't seen Guardians of the Galaxy yet but who cares at this point. If you were really worried about spoilers you probably would have seen the movie already. Plus this is barely a spoiler. It's just baby Groot dancing to the Jackson 5 and of course it's awesome.

I mentioned it before but man did I like Guardians of the Galaxy. More than I liked Captain American 2 and probably more than I liked the Avengers, maybe as much as I liked the first Iron Man movie. It's good. Growing up reading comics I was never that big into the cosmic side of either the Marvel or the DC universe but I'm starting to gain more of an appreciation for those stories. Next round of quarter bin shopping I'm going to look for some old Silver Surfers or maybe even some of the old GOTG from the 90s. That's assuming I have any quarters left. My son keeps stealing all my change because he's saving up for an iPad.

Animals Dancing to Push It by Salt N Peppa

Here's some animals dancing to Push it by Salt N Peppa. If the US lose to Ghana today this is the last post you're Ghana see from me this week, the rest of the week will be spent crying in the basement eating a big block of cheese. This was supposed to be the Summer of George Kevin!

The Belgians Booty Rock Dvořák's Sypmphony No. 9

Technically this is Korean dance group Waveya booty rocking to Dvořák's Sypmphony No. 9 in E-Minor but it was for a Belgian classical music festival. It's pretty ingenious if you ask me. I think a whole slew of traditionally boring things could be improved by Korean dance groups gyrating around: Math, History, Science, Politics. Really the possibilities are endless.

Turn Down for What

I'll be damned if this video from DJ Snake & Lil Jon isn't the craziest thing I've seen since Gangnam Style. It's completely insane and I kind of love it.

Lego these Links

Fox Business slams The Lego Movie for being Anti-Business. If you weren't aware the Lego movie made a bunch of gold bricks this weekend. Fox Business always in search of a new strawman went ahead and bashed the film for being anti-business. Go ahead and read the whole article, it's incredibly stupid and short sighted. Like I said it's about as strawman as their imagined war on football or Christmas. I really was just looking for an excuse to talk about the movie.

I didn't get to take my son to it this weekend, hopefully we'll get there soon. What I did get to do this weekend was take away his new Lego Movie Lego set last night because he was hitting and spitting. Man that went over well. I totally understand why kids these days are all shitheads. Actually punishing your kids SUCKS, it's the worst. Usually it ruins whatever fun time you're trying to have, the kid (who you love, obviously) is crying and screaming and when it's all said and done it's not like you see immediate results. Half the time the kid can't even explain to you why he was punished. I blame the demycrats.

“What’s His Real Name Again?” Admit it, the first time you heard of Benedict Cumberbatch you couldn't remember his name either. Just those dream blue eyes you could get lost in forev... I mean chicks. I like chicks. boobs.

American Luger Kate Hansen Prepares for Races by Dancing. Kate Hansen might have zero hope of winning a medal in Sochi but on the internet she's already won gold.

Be A Love Jedi With These Star Wars Valentine Gift Ideas. I'll admit it I went straight for the moneyshot with this one. They have some ugly Star Wars jewelry and some chocolates but who cares about those when there's a Star Wars vibrator? There's no way that it really exists but there's also no way I'm clinking through on the link they have. I'm 99.9% sure I don't have a firewall sturdy enough to keep out whatever malware they attach to star wars pornography.

Happy Halloween!

Pro Surfer Anastasia Ashley’s Twerk-Up

Professional surfer Anastasia Ashley has an interesting warm up routine. I believe the kids call this twerking. Back in my day we called it 40 dollars at the Lusty Lady. hey-o!

I'm not entirely sure what the benefit is in warming up like this but I'm willing to give it a try before my soccer game tomorrow.

The FP

I swear to you I thought this was a fake trailer, turns out it's a real movie about a post-apocalyptic society that settles it's grudges with Dance Dance Revolution battles. I haven't been this excited about a movie that I know I'll never see in a theater since the Expendables.

This isn't the Darth Vader you're looking for

Unless you're looking for a salsa dancing, trombone playing, highly entertaining Sith Lord. Seriously, this guy puts on one hell of a show. Too bad the room is dead. If this guy played my retirement center/bingo hall you better believe he's getting at least one pair of underwear thrown his way.

Sam Rockwell: Dancing Machine

I know this is a couple months old, but who cares? Sam Rockwell dancing is a beautiful thing. As one Internet commenter put it "I once cried because I had no shoes. Then I saw Sam Rockwell dance and realized I don't even deserve legs"

Tansformers + Thriller = !

Honestly, I might stop blogging after this. It all downhill from here, right?

The Greatest wrestling move ever

Wow... this is the Osirian Portal from Chikara. Words can't describe how awesome this is.

Star Blazers: The Dance Routine

I saw this over at toplessrobot yesterday and it just proved two things. First, I'll pretty much post anything Star Blazers related. Second... ummm Did I already mention I'll post anything Star Blazers?

That Duck really knows how to Dance

I totally could have used that Duck's dancing skills this last weekend.

Stormtroopers be Dancing

So here's a Stormtrooper dancing. I wasn't sure I was going to post since it's a remake of an old video that's already been around the web but then I read the Youtube description; "Following the Star Wars tradition of releasing a "Special" edition, with pointless CG effects."

Now that's just the kind of passive aggressive nerd rage I can get behind. The sad part here is that the Special edition has twice as many hits as the original. So in the end I guess Lucas was right, pass the Jar Jar flavored cool aid please.