Austin 3:16 says you don't graduate

You've probably seen that viral video of the two High Schoolers that decided a fun way to celebrate graduating would be for one of them to give the other a stone cold stunner... during the graduation ceremony. Well, and this will really shock you, as it turns out the school didn't think it was very funny. They're threatening to take the kids diplomas away. I assume if they do one of them is going to drive a milk truck right up to the principals office and hose him down with 1,000 gallons of 2%.

2014, Back to the Future

Based on just the overall number of posts, 2014 was actually the least productive year I've had blogging since I started. I think I did a lot more reviews and long form ramblings than I have in past years. So I guess it's a trade off. Less posts but they take like a minute and a half to read instead of 30 seconds. I guess that's progress? I don't know man, I'm barely awake this morning.

So, without any further pomp and circumstance, let's take a look at the most popular or memorable posts of 2014.

I forgot I even wrote this post on Fantasy GI Joe Draft Rankings. I think I had plans on making this a big series of rankings and never got around to it.

2014 showed us the some of the worst the internet has to offer in The Fappening and Gamergate. The ring of hackers trading on celebrity nudes had been rumored for years but it's one thing to hear about something it's another to actually see it. Anyone that has any sort of internet connected device should be terrified of the Fappening. Anyone can steal anything, it's horrifying.

As always, Cosplay posts get lots of hits. ZOMG Cosplay is Killing Conventions! and Emerald City Comicon 2014 Cosplay Showcase both got a lot of hits. Maybe in 2015 I'll double down on Cosplay. I can practically taste that $100 pay out from adsense.

Back in my 2013 wrap up I predicted that the new generation of consoles would roll out a bunch of titles that really blew away the launch ones and have me jonesing for a PS4 or Xbone. Man was I wrong. Sure, there are some nice looking new games out there but most stories revolved around nerfed graphic settings or buggy launches. Except for the WiiU. Have you played a WiiU? The new Mario Kart is the heezy for sheezy.

My High School Reunion: The Review. Sweet Christmas, when did I get so old?

Squirt Guns: The Review. I guess whenever I started reviewing squirt guns?

Anytime I can take a subject that's making some hay on the internet and turn it into a post about me I'll do it. Too much Puff not enough Power with these girls is a perfect example of this. Can't critique someone else's art without talking about my own!

2014 was a weird year to be a nerd. The #1 movie of the year stared Groot and Rocket Racoon so it's not like nerds had it rough or anything but there's still this undercurrent of exploitation you have to deal with. She Hulk is a Porn Star and you're a nerd pretty much sums that up. The guy that co-wrote the Batman trilogy just throws shade on a whole slew of nerds without realizing he moved into a glass house. It's like it's cool to be nerdy but only if you're the right kind of nerd.

The Belgians Booty Rock Dvořák's Sypmphony No. 9 was a very popular post for reasons. In fact there was a lot of ass shaking in 2014, like a lot.

I could have included any number of posts on comic book movie casting but this one on From Wonder Woman to Mockingbird was the big winner for the year. It's almost like if you post pictures of attractive ladies you get more hits. I know, I know that sounds crazy but you can't argue with science.

And now just for fun, here are the top 20 search keywords:

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Nicole scherzinger boobs? Cosplay nip slip? Abbey Clancy ass? Jimmy Fallon hair loss? You're all a bunch of perverts aren't you?

Here's to a fantastic 2015, with your help maybe we'll find that nicole scherzinger sex tape everyone is looking for.

My High School Reunion: The Review

On the surface the idea of a high school reunion feels antiquated, akin to George Lucas releasing Episode I: The Phantom Menace exclusively on VHS. In the year 2000 everyone could tell that DVD players were the future so why does someone so obsessed with technological advancement insist on sticking with an antiquated format? That's the long way of saying that there's a perception that Facebook (and the internet as a whole) is killing the high school reunion. Want to see who in your class lost the most hair? Look them up on Facebook (or if you're really old linkedin). Want to wax nostalgic about Pearl Jam's VS? Don't worry Buzzfeed has a quiz where you can find out which track you are (I got Dissident!).

You may have noticed that in that opening paragraph I used the terms "on the surface" and "there's a perception". I didn't feel like what I experienced at my 10 year reunion... 20 year you say? Ok, 20 year reunion, was lessened by the impact of social media. Just the opposite, I thought it was enhanced. For those that don't know, I went to a pretty small high school. Our graduating class was around 85 kids and I would say I'm Facebook friends with around 40 of them. That level of casual familiarity ended up helping someone like me who isn't the most comfortable in social situations like this.

The anxiety medication stayed in my pocket all night

It was more common for conversations to start out with "You just got a new job didn't you" or "I saw you guys moved to Texas.." than the typical "Are you married, do you have kids, etc". I won't try and hide my pleasure that some people I hadn't seen in years told me how funny I was on Facebook and that my children were adorbz (their words not mine). People can change a great deal in 20 years but the reunion felt more like catching up with friends you hadn't seen in a while than interviewing 40 strangers for a job. I also appreciated that I didn't spend the majority of the night waxing nostalgic over slurpee runs during lunch or gym class with Mr Burns. I've had plenty of time to obsess over high school. I'm far more interested in hearing about someone that flies planes for a living or stays home with their three kids than I am thinking about all the times I felt alone and detached as a teenager.

I had one short conversation with someone that brought up a lot of feels from high school. I know they were trying to convey something very nice but for half a heartbeat it reminded me how insecure I felt 20 plus years ago. Of course it was no matter, soon I was reminded that I had to catch the light rail back home before the babysitter turned into a pumpkin and the train was nothing but hoodlums and no-goodniks.

On a scale of 1-10 The class of 1994 King's High School Reunion scored an A-. It would have been nice to have had an extra hour or a bartender that knew how to make a mojito.

Boom Headshot!

That is an impressive turnout for a high school volleyball game.

Dramatic Interpretations of Facebook

Ugh.. this week has been brutal for blogging. There was the Spider-Man and Avengers trailers and then nothing. Oh well, here's a skit reenacting some teenagers facebook posts. It's pretty funny.