2009 the year in mediocre blogging

Believe it or not I made 407 blog posts this year. That's not bad when you consider I'm barely literate. Here's the obligatory year end recap with the 12 most popular posts and topics in no particular order.

Robots

For me 2009 will always be remembered as the year I became convinced that Robots will rise up against us. You know how most billion dollar software companies located in Redmond WA will release a product that's incredibly buggy and needs to be imediately patched and upgraded right out of the box? Well try downloading and installing new drivers while a 100 pound pleasure bot is trying to rip off your junk.

Jersey Shore

It's easy to make fun of the so called "guidos" on Jersey Shore, what with all the punching and awesome Street Fighter mash-ups. But you who was doing it in January this year? That's right, this guy was.

Lingerie Football

Yep 2009 was the year the LFL took the nation by storm. Or at the very least padded this bloggers hits.

Jimmy Fallon

I still don't get it, but this post about Jimmy Fallon losing his hair is the second most popular thing I've ever posted on this blog. It scares me to no end knowing how many people use the internet to search for Jimmy Fallon.

Diora Baird

She's in Star Trek, then she's not in Star Trek and then she's in Thor. She's the most popular girl on the internet that no one has ever heard of. Her middle name might as well be "google image search".

Listener

I still can't get this song out of my head.

The Expendables

If loving Sylvester Stallone, Dolph Lundgren and Jason Statham is wrong, I don't want to be right

Michael Jackson

This post on Michael Jackson I made in June is still raking in the hits. Thank you stumbleupon.com.

Bikini Baristas

I used to live next to one of these. It was called Cowgirls Espresso. There was always some creepy dude standing outside the stand talking with one of the Baristas. Sorry Cowgirls, I want hot chocolate served by girls in chaps, not drama and insecure boyfriends.

Deadpool

I'm not sure why I became obsessed with Deadpool this year, but it happened. At least it wasn't the year of Squirrel girl or Matter Eater Lad.

Cosplayers

Posts about nerds that love to dress up as their favorite nerdly characters have become my go to move. If I collect just 4 more fat Batmans I can trade them in for one skanky Emma Frost or an Edward and a Bella.

Special 1 TV

I can't believe Special 1 TV died along with Setanta Sports. Wait Setanta Sports is still around? Then why the hell is no one making anymore Special 1 TV episodes?

There you have it, what can we expect in 2010? Are mummies the new zombies? Will peopleofWholefoods.com ever catch on? Are skateboarding pandas the new meme? Yes, No, Yes.

Hot Tub Time Machine... because, why not?

The house my wife and I bought last year has a brand new hot tub in the backyard that we haven't hooked up yet. I think this summer I'm going to turn it into a time machine. Anyone know where you can get a good deal on a flux capacitor?

Open wide for some Mass Effect 2

Ok so there's two things I really hate, Germans and video game previews that don't actually show you any game play footage With that being said the full this Mass Effect 2 preview looks incredible.

Jersey Shore Fighter 2

Clearly this is what Al Gore invented the internet for.

Carl sings I'll be Home for Christmas

Yeah this is pretty awful, but I don't care. Pretty much anything Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force does cracks me up. Merry Christmas Carl.

More Kick Ass

So here's the weird thing. I couldn't be more excited about this movie, but I stopped collecting the comic it's based on after 3 issues. I think the addition of Nic Cage is what put me over the top on it. I finally caught The Wicker Man on TV the other day, and now I want Nic Cage in every movie I watch. Hopefully with him in a bearsuit punching old ladies.

Babies and Guns; a combo that can't lose

I love my son, but lets face it in a robot-zombie apocalypse he's worthless. At least he was worthless. Once I hook him up with one of these mini-gun toting cradles he's a ruthless killing machine.

I do have a couple reservations about these prototypes. I'm worried about the turning radius on the stroller, It looks like the front axle is fixed. Also the lack of a 5 point harness is cause for concern. Still, these things sure beat the hell out of a BOB.

You can find more info at designboom.com

X-Men: First Class, the movie

Good news! Bryan Singer made an announcement the other day that he was going to Direct another X-men movie. Bad news! It's going to be a prequel, it's going to be written by a writer for Gossip Girl and Fox is producing it so they're not going to understand the source material at all.

Here's the quote I stole from Filmdrunk:

If you don’t remember, writer Josh Schwartz of “The O.C.” and “Gossip Girl” will be penning the script which, if [producer] Lauren Schuler Donner has her way, won’t be toning down the intensity of the X-Men. Donner said previously: “We want it to be like the recent, darker Potters. It should not be a kiddie movie: we’re in the X-Men world so you can’t suddenly change the tone. The First Class comics are really fun — they’re funnier than any other comics I’ve read. Basically in each one the kids are fighting strange villains, sometimes it’s aliens, sometimes it’s monsters. I want to get a flavour of that world.” [FirstShowing]

For anyone that hasn't checked it out before, X-Men First Class is a comic about the teenage adventures of the first 5 X-men: Beast, Cyclops, Iceman, Angel and Jean Grey. Sort of like what DC does with all it's Year One mini-series. It's nothing to write home about (I certainly wouldn't call it the funniest comic I've ever read).

So what we're looking at is either Fox is completely rebooting their X-Men franchise (something I saw coming a few months ago) and will be recasting all the X-men with younger actors, or they're going to make a X-Men movie that looks nothing like the First Class comic. Lets try and remember how they did with Deadpool in the last X-Men movie..


/facepalm

Iron Man 2 the movie, the trailer

I'm going to go out on a limb here, I think this movies is going to be good.

The Necky, better than a Handjob worse than a Snuggy

Sorry the Necky just isn't for me. I like the whimsy of scarves and just can't stand turtlenecks. Really, if you're to stupid to keep from getting one shut in your car door I kinda think you deserve to get dragged down the street a few blocks.

Christmas Light Hero, Hero

So this year because of little baby poop-pants I didn't really go crazy with the Christmas lights. Hard to hang lights on the roof when you've got a newborn strapped to your chest. Next year though... Christmas light Rock Band! Poop-pants should be old enough to man the drum kit by then.

..The Blurst of Times

"yeah, you're all pretty much screwed... oh sorry, poor choice of words"
Having a newborn has provided me with ample opportunities to watch absolute garbage TV shows at 2 in the morning. With "..the Blurst of Times" I'll tell you all about whatever horrible abortion of a TV show I watched the night before.

Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew is quite possibly the most mind bottling tv show I've seen all year. I mean this is VH1 right? Where on earth does this show fit in with VH1's line-up of sluts? After Rock of Love 5 but before Frank the Entertainer ..in a Basement Affair? I mean there's no way you'd expect the same people that brought you Love of Ray Jay 2 to bring you a serious show about people battling sex addiction. That would be like your drug dealer trying to convince you to go into rehab (which I swear happened to one of the girls on the show).

So when I start watching Sex Rehab I'm not expecting much but I'll be dipped if it wasn't completely fascinating and compelling. The show is a pretty straight forward docu-drama. Dr. Drew and VH1 have gathered together a half dozen celebrities who are all battling sex addiction of some sort for a 21 day stay in a rehabilitation center. Of course this is VH1 so their definition of celebrity is loose at best. I mean I'm sure that if you're a Skid Row fan their drummer is a really big deal to you, but I still don't think I would call them a celebrity.

The show still has a tinge of exploitation to it, there's at least one patient who is clearly not there to get healthy. But it's hard not to be drawn in by the honesty and openness of the majority of the patients. Overall it's a really fascinating look into the lives of people facing addiction, what got them there and the steps it takes for them to find help.

On a scale of 1 to when I fell asleep, I give this show about 45 minutes. I started drifting off near the end, but lucked out when I found the episode on On Demand.

Weekendest Links

take the 3 lebron!
Hey here's some stuff to check out while you're watching Jersey Shore reruns this weekend. I don't understand why no one likes snookie, back in my day we had way more respect for girls that would make out with other girls just to get boy attention. I blame Obama.

DC's Best Holiday Specials!
(Comics Alliance)

The Twilight Saga: New Moon, reviewed by LOLcats
(Microsuede)

STUPID ANIME QUESTIONS: Why are their eyes all scribbly?
(japanator.com)

Meet the Tony Stark of Wasilla, Alaska
(gizmodo)

Portion Size, Then Vs. Now
(divine caroline)

Transformers: War for Cybertron gets trailer
(destructiod)

Whiplash needs a shower

Funny there's been lots of Iron Man 2 stuff rolling out the last week or so. Seems kinda early to crank up the hype machine on a movie that doesn't even come out until next May but what do I know? Above is the new Whiplash poster that hit the interwebs today. It's our best look at the whole Whiplash rig so far. I'm kinda digging it, it looks crappy enough have been built by someone without the resources of a billion dollar weapons manufacturer but still menacing enough to imagine Iron Man having trouble fighting it.

I've included a bunch of other stills in the gallery bellow. Can't wait to see War Machine in action.

Is Handjob! the new three wolves t-shirt?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Really Japan? Really?

I don't know what the hell this is but there was no way I wasn't posting it. Maybe the discription from You Tube can help us figure it out.

Deep in the forest lived Billy and his charming companions. They peacefully honed their bodies and listened to music there. But a wave of development came upon the forests. One who would turn all to road. Kagamine Rin had come. Billy must stop the construction before all is turned to road

nope.. doesn't help at all.

The Weekest Links: humpday edition

Yeah, that's an actual painting Michael Jackson had commissioned of himself a couple years ago. Just a friendly reminder that before he died and everyone forgot how creepy he was, he was really really creepy.

Disney Princesses The Way You Like It…Zombified
(nerdbastards.com)

$10 an hour with 2 kids? IRS pounces
(seattletimes.com)

Fox News isn't exactally good at news
(warming glow)

Christina Hendricks Falls Victim To The D.E.N.N.I.S. System
(nextround.net)

Luchador Jesus
(palehorse designs)

Snookie from Jersey Shore gets punched
(warming glow)

As a side note I don't think MTV has ever produced a show as awesome as Jersey Shore. It makes Singled Out (with Jenny McCarthy) look like Singled Out (with Carmen Electra). I pray for our country, knowing that there's some myspace toolbox out there completely missing the point of the show and is really hoping he/she will get cast on the second season.

Look at that Bra BOOM! EXPLODE! SLOWMO!

Finally Michael Bay directed a Victoria's Secret commercial. How long did we have to wait? It felt like eternity. Now can someone in Hollywood start working on that George Lucas Old Navy commercial

Anne Hathaway is a step up from Kirsten Dunst

There's no way this really happens, but lets go ahead and talk about it like it might.

No matter the superhero franchise, when it comes time to make a sequel, people mainly want to know one thing: Which villains will be in it? Currently, fans are trying to crack the mystery of Spider-Man 4’s bad guys; rumors and speculation had it that every actress in Hollywood was trying out for the sexy villainess Black Cat, or that Dylan Baker’s Curt Connors would finally get to transform into the Lizard in this installment. Now, though, Movieline has confirmed with sources close to the film that Raimi’s sequel is circling John Malkovich and Anne Hathaway to play Spider-Man’s adversaries, and neither evildoer is quite what you might have expected.

If negotiations proceed according to plan, Malkovich will be playing Spider-Man’s nemesis the Vulture, who packs a punch despite his advanced age. The Vulture is able to fly through the air and brandish his sharp wings to attack Spider-Man.

The 27-year-old actress is currently the top choice for Felicia Hardy, who’d been long-rumored as one of the new characters in this installment. (Other names bandied about for the role included Julia Stiles, Rachel McAdams, and Romola Garai.) However, unlike in the comic books, this Felicia Hardy doesn’t transform into the Black Cat. Instead, Raimi’s Felicia will become a brand-new superpowered figure called the Vulturess.

- movieline.com

That's right, Felicia Hardy will be a major character in the movie but not as the Black Cat instead she'll have a new alter ego the Vulturess. A name that really just rolls off the tongue. I think that this is a good call for Sony. I mean who needs Anne Hathaway running around in a skintight, fur lined, black latex costume when you can slap her in some sort of armored suit with wicked sweet razor wings.

no way this character could ever be popular on screen
On the plus side, John Malkovich as the Vulture would be sweet! I haven't seen a lot of love for the Vulture on the interwebs today, but I think he's a pretty underrated villain. And lets face it they've already burned through Spidey's top 4 villains. At this point who's left? The Rhino, Mysterio, maybe the Chameleon? John Malkovich as the Vulture sure looks pretty good once you realize the next best option is Jim Carrey with a Fishbowl on his head. I'm not sure I see Maljovich slumming to take the role of a villain in the 4th movie of a dying franchise, but it's cool to think about.

..the Blurst of Times

Having a newborn has provided me with ample opportunities to watch absolute garbage TV shows. What else is there to do when you're stuck on the couch at 2am because the little poop machine won't sleep without being held? You need at least one hand to hold him so playing video games is pretty much out and at 2am you don't really have the energy to pay attention to a movie (even if it's a really good one like Screamers 2).

This brings me to a new column I like to call "Garbage I watched at 2am"... no wait it's now "..the Blurst of Times" (boom! Simpson's reference). Here I'll tell you all about whatever horrible abortion of a TV show I watched the night before.

Holly's World, a show so awesome E! doesn't have a page for it on their website. The show itself is all about Holly Madison, Hugh Hefner's ex-head-blonde, and her "crazy" new life in Las Vegas. So think of The Girls Next Door, don't lie, you know you've seen at least one episode. Take out the stupid one everyone likes, replace Hugh Hefner with a generic gay best friend, add all the douchebaggery only a place like Vegas can provide and WHAMMY you're left with something that just barely qualifies as a real TV show.

Like most reality TV shows on E!, Holly's World doesn't have a plot, it's just a bunch of cameras following Holly Madison around. Why? Boobs of course! Seriously I don't remember what this show was about at all. I remember a meeting with the Mayor of Vegas over traffic revisions (I sh*t you not), her being a UFC ring girl and a fun introduction of all her new Vegas friends. Lets just say that the Mayor's memorabilia collection was the highlight of this episode and leave it at that.

On a scale of 1 to when I fell asleep, I give this show about 12 minutes. By the time I woke up it was infomercial city.

Ultimate Muscle confirms pretty much everything you've heard about Japan

I really wish this wasn't a Wii exclusive.

The Weekest Links

The best thing about slacking on your own blog is that it provides ample opportunities to rip off content from other peoples blogs. With that in mind, here's some stuff other people did while I was changing diapers and burp cloths.

Couple Uses Comic as Wedding Invitation (Ft. Ackbar!)
(comics alliance)

Exploding Whale Video Reporter Looks Back Four Decades Later (asylum.com)

Homemade Roller Coasters Are a Scream (Videos)
(urlesque)

Samurai Mario Battling Bowser And Dinosaur
(geekologie)

Hey, Tony Hawk, Might Be Time To Hang Up The Skates...Well, Skateboard
(kotaku.com)

Vanilla Ice’s South African Beer Commercial
(nextround.net)

The 30 Most Mind-Blowingly Strange M.U.S.C.L.E. Figures
(toplessrobot.com)

Tiger Woods 2011: Special Adultery Edition

This is why the US sucks and Japan is awesome (or Taiwan, I guess this is from Taiwan). Not content to just report the news that Tiger Woods is awful enough to cheat on his wife but not quite strong enough to take her in a fight, they've managed to recreate the whole alleged incident with state of the art 3-d graphics (ie. the half life 2 engine). Truly we are living in a golden era.

Boobs are my apology

I know I know.. I've been a terrible blogger. As it turns out having a kid sucks away all your free time. Who knew?

Please accept this commercial from japan for the new larger Nintendo DSI as my apology. It features new gaming tech and boobs, it's like peanut butter and chocolate for nerds.