Grand Theft Auto V: Michael. Franklin. Trevor

Want to know how Grand Theft Auto V is going to bore and disappoint you in new and unique ways? Well look no further. This new trailer from Rockstar shows how you will be able to play from 3 unique perspectives.

Seriously, and I can not stress this enough. I HATED GTA IV. I have no idea how anyone played if for more than an hour and thought it was fun in any way. It's Grand Theft Auto, I want to fly around in rocket packs and blow up cop cars with a rocket launcher not take my friends to the bowling alley and talk to my girlfriend every 20 minutes.

Pacific Rim: Wondercon 2013 trailer

Also hitting the interwebs yesterday is this special Pacific Rim trailer from WonderCon. It still looks incredibly great. Even my son said it looked "really cool". If this is a huge hit this summer then I don't know what's wrong with people. It's giant mecha-robots fighting Godzilla (or more specifically his non-union Mexican equivalent). Seriously, they had me at rocket punch.

Beyond: Two Souls

A New Trailer for the highly anticipated(?) adventure game Beyond: Two Souls hit the web yesterday. It looks pretty cool, It kind of has a LA Noir/interactive movie vibe going for it. If the reviews end up as good as the buzz I might have to check it out. A guy can only play so many fps's before he starts looking for a new genre.

Adam WarRock: Hodor (feat. Tribe One)

Last week Adam WarRock was giving away free music and not just any music, songs inspired by Game of Thrones. Go grab them so the next time you take me to lunch we can bump Hodor in the whip. Also I'll need you to buy me lunch. Thanks!

Are you excited for the Obesity Epidemic?

Last weekend Jimmy Kimmel sent a reporter to the Coachella music festival to ask a bunch of kids in stupid looking outfits about bands that don't exist. Hilarity ensues.

A Brief History of the Pirates of the Caribbean

I'm not sure what this is from (maybe a Blu-Ray extra?) but this 7 minute documentary on the making of the Pirates of the Caribbean ride is pretty interesting. What can I say, I'm a sucker for Pirates and the cutting edge technology of 1965.

R.I.P.D. looks M.I.B.tastic

I guess this trailer for RIPD hit the interwebs last weekend. On paper it looks great, Ryan Reynolds and Jeff Bridges playing dead cops out to save the world from evil spirits. On the small screen of my laptop it looks like a craptastic rip off of Men in Black. Also Jeff Bridges is overacting LIKE A BOSS.

I'm predicting a Jonah Hex like flop that I will eventually catch on a Starz free preview this Christmas.

Thor: The Dark World: The Bright Trailer

As the title would lead you to believe here's the first trailer for the Thor sequel, Thor: The Dark World. I've gotta say it looks really really good. I guess the plot here revolves around the Dark Elf lord Malekith, who played a pretty big part in Walt Simonson's excellent run from the 80's. I can't remember his end game but I'm sure it has something to do with destroying/enslaving both Asgard and Earth.

I for one welcome our new Dark Elf overlords, you can't get much worse than this congress... amirite?

8-Bit annoying person remover

Man could I use this thing. If there was some sort of lightgun/taser attachment it would be darn near perfect.

Week Links

"WE F*ING SUCK SO FAR": A Sorority Girl Lashes Out At Her Sisters. If you've been on the internet at all in the last 24 hours you've probably already seen this e-mail. John Stewart even referenced it on last night's Daily Show. It's an epic tear down of a sorority from one of it's sisters for their behavior during greek week. It confirms my believe that people who were in Sororities and Fraternities are weird and not to be trusted.

The Real Sega Pluto. You've got to give it to Sega in the 90s, they didn't fail for lack of trying. The Pluto was a system that was supposed to come out after the Saturn but before the Dreamcast. This prototype is kind of interesting, it looks like it's pretty much just a Sega Saturn plus an expansion port and of all things a network card for online play.

Comic Book Keyboard. You had me at Comic Book Keyboard, you lost me at MacBook Pro.

How different was the unaired pilot of Game of Thrones? If you're not interested in cunt punting and consoles that never saw the light of day maybe I can interest you in a breakdown of the original pilot for Game of Thrones shot in 2009.

Harry Potter: Honest Traler

The guys over at ScreenJunkies have added Harry Potter to their Honest Trailers series. I'm not sure why it took them this long. Seriously, they did Paranormal Activity before Harry Potter? That makes zero sense. Anyway this is pretty funny, especially the part about underage Hermoine.

Thanks RoboCop

Patton Oswalt has plans for Episode VII

I can't actually watch this because my work computer has no speakers but I've been told it's fantastic.

New Man of Steel Trailer too!

Maybe this wasn't the trailer I needed to see the day I got to see my unborn baby girl on an ultrasound for the first time. I was balling by the time they shot little Kal-El into space.

I hope this thing gets good reviews, I really want to see it but my wife HATED Superman Returns so good luck to me getting her to see another Superman movie. Maybe I'll trick her and tell her were seeing Mama Mia part II or something. Yeah, that should work.

Star Trek: Into Darkness has ANOTHER trailer

Our good friends at Topless Robot have pointed out that Star Trek: Into Darkness now has 26 different trailers available on Apple.com. That's a lot of trailers, I don't care how anticipated the movie is. It has me thinking that I can save myself 15 dollars, just microwave some popcorn and watch all 26 trailers back to back to back to back.

Star Wars VII: Return of the Empire

Here's a cute little Star Wars fan-film I was going to post this weekend but never got around to doing. It's not that funny but they did a pretty nice job editing the new footage with the original movie stuff. I mean it's not the original movie stuff, it's clearly the Blu-Ray edition.EVERYTHING I SAID WAS WRONG! It's all original footage, which I would have noticed if I hadn't watched it on my phone and makes me feel like a terrible nerd. I'll freely admit, I have watched the special editions once and the Blu-Ray's zero times. I have the unedited versions on DVD and those are pretty much the only versions I will watch, so somehow I missed that all of this was fan made. Which makes it a lot better than I had given it credit for.

All hail anonymous commenter for correcting me!

I imagine in the lead up to Episode VII we'll see a lot more of these. Hell, you can probably do better special effects on an iPhone than they had in the original trilogy. It's actually kind of amazing to me that there aren't more independent sci-fi movies these day. Or maybe there are, what am I some kinda guy with time to watch movies? I just got around to watching John Carter yesterday and that's only because I was stuck at home for a couple hours waiting for a guy to come over and fix my gutters.

BTW, John Carter was rad. I can't believe Disney couldn't figure out a way to make money off it.

Zombie Cats

Ship my Pants

This commercial for Kmart has been on my facebook feed all weekend so I thought I'd share it here. It's not bad, I mean it's no Old Spice Wolf or anything. Really it's just a nice reminder that Kmart is still a thing.

I think the last thing I bought at a Kmart was a copy of Madden 95 for the snes.

Are You OK?

This looks about right, the other night I stayed up until almost two in the morning watching High School of the Dead.

Hackers, A Video Remix of Hackers in Movies

So this is pretty much exactly what it says it is. It's pretty cool if for no other reason it's fun to see what Hollywood really thinks hacking looks like.

HACK THE PLANET!

Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon

Back on April 1st the makers of Far Cry 3 announced an expansion pack called Blood Dragon. It looked ridiculous and most wrote it off as an April fools day prank. Well guess what buttercup? The pranks on you, because Here's the first 15 minutes of Blood Dragon.

Elysium: First Trailer

Here's a trailer for the new Neil Blomkamp (District 13, Canceled Halo movie) sci-fi romp, Elysium. It looks really good. Dystopian and Idealistic futures, Robot butlers, cybernetic enhancements, Matt Damon with a bald head, it really has it all. And I mean that in a good way, not an a mocking the World War Z trailer kinda way.

As I alluded to earlier, Blomkamp was supposedly the guy to direct the much delayed and canceled Halo movie. After watching this it's hard to imagine he would have done a bad job of it. I know Doom with Duane the Rock Johnson set a pretty high bar for movie versions of First Person Shooters but I think Blomkamp might have been the director to top it.

Liquid Plumr: Double Impact

Here's a thing that exists but probably shouldn't. It's a commercial for Liquid Plumr's new Double Impact. Let's just say that if sex sells they should ship about a billion units of this stuff.

The mc chris Cartoon Pitch

Like a year ago irascible nerdcore rapper mc chris pitched a cartoon to Cartoon Network to a rousing chorus of nos. He then did a kickstarter to produce the cartoon himself. What he ended up with is this 6 minute pitch that I think is pretty hilarious. Of course I'm a big fan of robot owls and wild west Mars so your mileage may vary.

Frost those Links

The Next Xbox Will Require an Internet Connection To Start Games, Sources Say. I really don't want it to be true but it's starting to sound more like the Xbox Dodge Durango (working title) really will require an internet connection to do pretty much anything. This new report says you will be ok if your connection craps out on you for a few minutes but you're going to have to be online to start any game. Thanks for saving me $400 Microsoft!

The 90's Guide to Getting a Girl. To be fair, this should really be The Late 90's guide to getting a girl. Still hilarious none the less.

Inside Secrets of the Making of Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan and "Space Seed"! Oh man, Star Trek II is easily my favorite Star Trek movie. This article was the balls. Weird that I'm a big fan of Star Trek and it's intellectual take on Sci-Fi but my two favorite movies are the most un-Trek like (Wrath of Kahn and First Contact). I guess I'm just a complicated nerd.

26 "Next" Bus Contestants You Would Never Date. Ah early 2000s dating shows. What ever happened to you? I would trade all the celebrity diving shows in the world for just one more season of The 5th Wheel with Aisha Tyler.... and I LOVE celebrity diving shows.

Slip and Slide FTW?

Here's a video I was sort of on the fence about posting. Sure it's funny to watch people fall down all the time, especially on a slip and slide but you know what's not funny? The Huffington Post, seriously those guys suck. Working there must be like working at buzzfeed.

"Hey did you see that funny picture of that kid with the cat this morning?"

"a kid with a cat, quick how do we monetize that?"

"how about a 20 picture slide show of cute kids with cats using pictures we stole from tumblr and reddit?"

Seriously internet, you kinda suck.

Disney to LucasArts: "SHUT IT DOWN"

Disney just announced they were closing LucasArts. This is a sad sad day for 17 year old Kevin. LucasArts made some amazing PC games way back in the day. Full Throttle, Grim Fandango, X-Wing vs Tie Fighter all amazing games that I dedicated WAY to much of my life too. It also means those cool new Star Wars games that have been leaked over the last couple months are getting the boot too.

This is really too bad. Disney makes pretty craptastic games, in this bloggers humble opinion they would have been smarter to expand LucasArts and give them a bunch of Disney properties to work with. Again, this is why we can't have nice things!

Ghettosocks - Stolen Kicks

I know, I know, the blogging has been very sparse as of late. I've been super busy cleaning out my garage and formatting all these TPS reports at work. While you're waiting for some cool nerdy posts enjoy the dulcet sounds of Ghettosocks in his video Stolen Kicks. Spoiler: this video has a magic hot dog in it.

Because Everyone is Special

Game of Violins

Today is literally the worst day of the year to be on the internet. Everything is an April fools day joke and NONE of them are funny. Best case scenario is that Thinkgeek comes up with some sort of awesome "joke" product that everyone loves and they end up making anyway. Don't even get me started on twitter right now... ugh.