Kids Try 1980s Technology

Here's a cute video Ars Technica put together of a bunch of kids trying out old tech like polaroid cameras and record players. I wonder how my kid would do at this. I'm guessing 2 minutes in he'd be asking to look up instructions for the record player on youtube.

Also we had to get a new roof on our house. Did you know roofs are expensive? Like brand new Honda Accord type expensive. At least that's how expensive they are when you also need new skylights and a bunch of repair done to your attic. It's fine, my kids were probably never going to college anyway. I mean they can't even get a record player to work right.

Game Changers of the 1980's

The fine folks at Machinima put together this list of Game Changing video games of the 1980s. It's a pretty good list. I can think of a couple games I would add to it, Adventure or Zork probably deserve to go on there, maybe Metroid. Also the first Madden game came out in 1989 I think so I'd put that in the running.

I just now realized after watching this how little clothes Princess Daphne wore. I doubt that was an accident, I'm sure there was a whole slew of kids that thought if they just kept feeding the game quarters they'd get to see some boob. I know that's what I would have done but I think I only saw Dragon's Lair in the wild once. It was an expensive game because it ran off laser disc, I think I saw the price and noped my way on over to Gauntlet or something.

CHIPS - Official Trailer

Hey kids remember C.H.I.P.S? Well ask you parents then. Specifically your mom, trust me, she remembers Erik Estrada. Anyhoo, they're remaking it into a Movie. I guess that's fine. I mean 21 Jump Street was actually pretty good and this looks to be in the same vein. Plus there's Michael Pena and he's a national treasure. I'll probably check this out on some HBO or Starz free preview weekend. That's as good of a commitment as you're going to get from me on anything that stars Dax Shepard.

He-Man: The Real Masters of Eternia

Finally someone reworked footage from the original He-Man cartoon into a parody of the Real Housewives of whatever crappy city Bravo can send a film crew to. It's cute enough. I kind of wish it had more Real World Las Vegas to it. You know that He-Man and Teela had at least one pregnancy scare.

Best 80s Cartoon Intro

I have it on good authority that this mash up of cartoon intros from the 1980s is high-larious. I'm without sound here at work so I'm going to have to assume that's true. Really this could have just been soundless clips from GI Joe and Silverhawks and I probably would have still posted it. Man I loved the Silverhawks, Amazon had the first season on Prime for like a minute but now you have to pay for them. I really wish I had rewatched them when I had the chance.

Thanks a lot Obama.

Jessie's Links

Love playing old school games? You need this tiny arcade Machine! You have got to be kidding me, what is this an Arcade machine for ants? How on earth would you use that tiny little controller much less be able to see anything on the tiny little screen. This is a fantastic waste of time.

5 Things I Learned Trying To Get Laid In 'Skyrim'. OMG you guys this is the most fantastic/disturbed thing you'll read today. Basically its story of one lonely schlub that just wants to enact out one weird sex fantasy using Skyrim and his trials and tribulations along the way. Now I've known for a while now that you can MOD in a bunch of nudity into Skyrim but I had no idea some of the depraved nonsense you can add to the game. God bless this guy for being as open and candid about the whole thing as he was.

This is my stone cold lock of the week of the century of links today.

See Rick Springfield's Massive 'Star Wars' Toy Collection. Turns out Rick Springfield is a huge Star Wars nerd and has a HUGE toy collection. Good for him, what's the point of having Jessie's Girl money if you don't spend it all on something rad?

8 bits, 8 players, 8 projectors, and one Nintendo Entertainment System. I have a hard time wrapping my head around what these guys and gals did but it's pretty cool looking. Essentially their playing Mario Bros 3 in the round.

The 1980s in Home Video Games

Here's a fun chart I found on the interwebs this week. It's a breakdown by year of every video game console and classic computer released in the 1980s, minus a couple really obscure nonsense systems that nobody remembers. They also took the added step of including what country the system was released in so you don't get all confused about never seeing any Sinclair Spectrum +2s at the Sears on Aurora.

Man 1982 was really your money year. The 2600, the 5200, Colecovision, the Commodore 64. That must have been a tough year to be a nerd on a limited budget. Back in 82 I'm pretty sure you could buy a car for the price of a Vectrex.

Transformers: Devastation OMG

The words "greatest game ever made" get thrown around a lot these days but I have to believe that this new Transformers game based on the 1980s cartoon might just be the greatest game ever made. If not the greatest at least it's at least top 3. Right up there with Pac-Man and Zork..

All hyperbole aside this new Transformers game looks pretty cool. The details from E3 are still a bit sketchy but it looks like it will be available on all the usual consoles including the WiiU, Xbox 360 and PC. You get to play as one of 5 classic Autobots and you will face around 30 Deceptacons. It doesn't seem like it will be very story heavy, probably just a big old brawler. When the game looks as good as this one does it doesn't have to reinvent the wheel, fun is the key word here.

It's an interesting decision by Activision for sure. While the Transformers are still a big intellectual property most kids know them from the awful Michael Bay movies or the newer cartoons like Prime and Rescue Bots (which are actually pretty decent). The decision to pander to all the 80s babies who grew up on the likes of Jazz, Hound and Mirage is kind of risky. Hopefully it will be a big hit. If for no other reason than I'd like to see more video games based off cartoons/toys from the 80s. M.A.S.K, Thundercats, He-Man... or dare I dream, GI Joe?

Bloodsport Mentos: the Freshmaker

We've done it internet, let's pack it up and head home.

Collecting Links

Abandoned White Castle from Harold & Kumar. This is a pretty cool look at what's left of the White Castle from Harold and Kumar. Boy remember how good that movie was and how bad the sequels were? It wasn't even a slow crash like the Austin Powers movies it was just thump... nothing. I'm amazed that they even made a third movie, there can't be enough weed in the world to make that one bearable.

A Moment for the G.I. Joe Rawhides, HASBRO Class of 1987. The GI Joe class of 1987 was pretty much right in my sweet spot for toy collecting. I was old enough to have a good allowance but young enough to still be playing with toys on the regular.

Hilary Duff’s Tinder Profile Is Real, I’m Not To Be Disturbed. A couple weeks ago there was a "mystery" celeb who was on reddit complaining about how hard it was to date while being famous. I'm not saying it was Hilary Duff because it was probably just some rando who was pretending to be famous for fake internet points...

or it was Hilary Duff.

Gabe Newell addresses controversy over paid Steam mods. Long story short, you can now buy mods to some of your favorite games through Steam. Gamers DO NOT like this.

Catalog Links

1982 JCPenny Christmas Catalog. Talk about a trip down memory lane. While the JCPenny Christmas catalog wasn't quite on the same level as the Sears Winter Season catalog it still brings back plenty of nostalgia. Look at all those Star Wars toys, or the handheld video games. What I wouldn't give to be playing that Frogger game right now.

Also of interest, am I crazy or has the price on toys barely changed. A Speak and Spell was $60 back in 1982? You could buy a car for $60. My parents must have loved me a lot more than I thought they did.

The World's Most Famous Musicians Just Hosted a Bonkers Press Conference. There's something wonderful about how money and fame can completely alter how you look at the world. I have zero problems believing that the artists behind Tidal really think they're standing up for artists rights and not at all playing puppets to what's left of the major labels. Keep fighting the good fight Madonna. You're not crazy and entitled at all.

Saudi Album Covers. Did you know they have a censorship issue in Saudi Arabia? Crazy right? Those guys always seem so chill. Anyhoo, here's a bunch of badly photoshopped album covers.

ESPN's Sports Business Reporter Doesn't Understand Sports Or Business. I'm pretty sure Darren Rovell is a sports business expert in the same way that George Costanza is a risk management expert. It's just something he put on his resume and eventually a bunch of sports networks started calling his bluff. He's like the Mel Kiper of Sports Business.

not a compliment.

80 Facts about the 1980s

Yes this is long and yes it's a list about the 1980s but don't let that stop you from watching it. There's some pretty funny stuff here. 14 million people used to watch General Hospital every single day? That is AMAZING.

Skeletor and He-Man singing Jingle Bros

I'm pretty sure the advertising wizards at Honda are scanning my brianwaves for ad ideas. If their next add involves Diora Baird dressed up as Josie from Josie and the Pussycats selling a new Accord Wagon we will have confirmation.

Seriously Honda, get to work.

The Last Starfighter: The Modern Trailer

Hooweee, this "new" trailer for The Last Starfighter is a straight punch to the old nostalgia kidney (the most sensitive of all kidneys). I've always felt like The Last Starfighter gets lost when you're talking about classics from the 80s. I know the special effects don't hold up at all, although considering this was CGI from 1984 they're kind of amazing, but the story is so good. I'm kinda surprised no one has tried to remake it. With the technology they have today I bet it wouldn't even cost very much to make. Ride that nostalgia train all the way to the bank, baby. Choo Choo!

Literally Everything Else From Your Childhood: The Movie

Another day another fake movie trailer. This one for Literally Everything Else From Your Childhood: The Movie is from the Wil Wheaton project. Anyone watching that show? It's actually pretty funny but it has a weird time slot and I keep missing it. With Dish Network most of the big cable channels are the east coast feed so all the 8pm shows come on at 5pm. It's great for watching wrestling and pretty much terrible for everything else. I'm old so I'm always watching the news at 5pm. I'm always missing South Park and that other show I like on Commedy Central.... Key and Peele? Sure lets say Key and Peele.

Fantasy GI Joe Draft Rankings

Today marks the 50th Birthday of GI Joe. In celebration I'm reusing a post from way way back in 2010. Remember 2010? People were all upset about the end of Lost, the next generation of gaming consoles was a blip on the horizon and I only had one child. Good times.

One of the best things about GI Joe figures (especially when compared to Transformers) were how portable they were. Nothing beat heading over to your friends house with a lunch box full of your favorite Joes and having an epic battle. Unless your friend was a huge jerk that didn't want you playing with their toys, you always started the battle by pooling all your toys together on the floor and picking them playground style.

So without further exposition here's your 2009 GI Joe Fantasy Toy Draft rankings.

Snake Eyes - A Ninja with a Uzi? Why not just give kids an Atari made of Pixi sticks. There was no single toy in the 80s as cool as Snake Eyes.

Storm Shadow - If you didn't pick Snake Eyes with the first pick, you picked Storm Shadow. Especially if it was the cooler 2nd generation Storm Shadow that came with a ninja bow.

Roadblock - Roadblock came with a ridiculously huge gun, which made him a real powerhouse on the imaginary battlefield. If you could really sell it, Roadblock alone could take out anything from a Trouble Bubble to a Hiss Tank.

Zartan - Zartan was awesome, He changed color in the sun and came with what looked like a speeder bike from Star Wars. The only problem with Zartan is you were doomed if you tried to use one of his disguises to infiltrate the enemy. 11 year olds are dumb, but they're not that dumb.

Destro - If the choice is Destro or Cobra Commander there's no doubt you're taking Destro. The GI Joe cartoon really drove home the point that CC had no idea what he was doing. Plus Destro has wrist rockets.

Gung-Ho - Grenade Launcher + Huge Chest Tatoo = Awesome. Gung-Ho was one of the earliest characters to have visible biceps, so you know if he ran out of grenades he could always punch out a ton of Cobra Officers.

Flint - Flint just looked cooler than most Joes. I mean who would you rather have leading your troops. Hawk or Duke? No thanks, lets give the guy with the beret a shot.

Stalker - Stalker doesn't get the love he should. He has all the ninja training of Storm Shadow or Snake Eyes combined with the smooth moves of Billy Dee Williams. Stalker was always a good value pick in the later rounds.

Lady Jaye - Lady Jaye was the girl to pick. Sorry Baroness and Scarlet but Lady Jaye looked like she belonged on a battle field. Plus if you stared at her long enough you swear you saw a bit of cleavage.

Firefly - Firefly was the perfect counter to any friend with one of those ungodly sized playsets, like the GI Joe Space Shuttle or Aircraft Carrier. All you need to do is pull out Firefly and his tool kit backpack and you've rendered your enemies base useless.

Shipwreck - Shipwreck came with a parrot and what looked like a flintlock pistol from days of yore. He was about a thousand times cooler than his maritime counterparts Cutter and Wet Suit.

Lets talk about the RoboCop remake

You would be hard pressed to find two movies that captured the zeitgeist of the 1980s like RoboCop and Total Recall did. Why wouldn't some coked up movie execs think it was a good idea to remake them 30 years later? Of course we all know how Total Recall did last year. The word suckbomb gets thrown around a lot these days...

So that leads us to the RoboCop remake. At first glance RoboCop seems like a movie about a cyborg shooting bad guys in the face. Don't get me wrong, it totes is a movie about a cyborg shooting bad guys in the face, but it's also sooo much more. There's the obvious themes of humanity and post modern futurism. There's also some great commentary on consumerism, materialism and the embrace of excess so commonly found in the '80s. And Under all of that there's this subversive sort of commentary on the good old fashioned ultra violence and how quickly the viewer is ready to embrace it in the name of kicking bad guy ass.

It's kind of a perfect action movie. One that makes you think but not so hard that you forget you really want to see Dick Jones get pushed out a window.

There's pretty much zero chance of the RoboCop remake being more than a mindelss shoot-em-up. From what I saw last summer there were two movies that tried to be more than they were. The Lone Ranger attempted to be a commentary on Hollywood's obsession with origin movies by being sort of an Anti-origin movie and it tanked. Iron Man 3 was pretty much a love letter written to the buddy cop action films of the '80s and early '90s. It did pretty well for itself but it was written and directed by the guy that wrote a lot of those great buddy cop movies. At best we can hope for a RoboCop that is sort of an homage to the quasi-futuristic action films of the past but I'm afraid what we're more than likely to get is a paint by number remake that lacks anything beneath the surface.

At least with the Total Recall remake we got Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel.

The top 10 Worst Video Game Consoles

One of the best things about growing up in the '80s and to a lesser extent the '90s was being exposed to all sorts of weird video game consoles. Back in the day a couple of yahoos in a garage could con a big company like Magnavox that everyone was going to want to tape plastic sheets on their TVs so they could play the worst Hockey game you've ever seen. What a time to be alive.

also the Apple Pippin.... lol

Star Wars the 1980s Anime

I'll give whoever at NachoPunch put together this Star Wars 1980s anime some credit. I mean I'm not going to give them a ton of credit but I'll give them some. The idea of Luke's X-wing turning into a giant mech is pretty inspired. However, if you're going to pass this off as "lost" footage don't half ass it. Either make the title screen genuine (hint: not many cartoons from the '80s actually said they were from the 80s) and transfer it onto and off a real VHS tape a couple times or don't bother getting cute. Everyone knows you made this on a MacBook Pro.

Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon

Back on April 1st the makers of Far Cry 3 announced an expansion pack called Blood Dragon. It looked ridiculous and most wrote it off as an April fools day prank. Well guess what buttercup? The pranks on you, because Here's the first 15 minutes of Blood Dragon.