Up, Up, Down, Down..

I want this mouse

Children are our future

I feel safer already

Sleep safe Citizens of Cincinati, the Allegiance of Heroes are on the case! Seriously someone's going to get shot.

Chainsaws for the win

I can't think of a better game to play while you're holed up in your basement waiting out the Pig Flu Pandemic than Dead Rising 2. Dead Rising one was a pretty fun game. It had a couple flaws, missions were either way to easy or way to hard and saving games was a huge hassle. Hopefully they work out a few of the kinks for the sequel. I'm really excited to get my hands on that chainsaw on a stick contraption he has going on in this trailer.

Swine Flu < Regular Flu

look at that pig... just plotting.. waiting..

Swine flu is a chump. If you're worried about it and you live in the US you're a chump. Just how dangerous is this dreaded swine flu? According to the CDC swine flu's symptoms are like regular flu symptoms and include fever, cough, sore throat, body aches, headache, chills, and fatigue. Some people have reported diarrhea and vomiting associated with swine flu. Wait a minute, that doesn't just sound "like" regular flu symptoms, that sounds exactally like regular flu symptoms. In fact when you compare swine flu to the regular influenza virus it's like comparing House Party to House Party 2.

"According to the Center for Disease Control every year in the United States, on average:
- 5% to 20% of the population gets the flu;
- more than 200,000 people are hospitalized from flu-related complications; and
- about 36,000 people die from flu-related causes."

The Flu kills 36,000 people every year! That is a lot of people, way more than I would've expected. Surely swine flu is just as deadly, right?

"Between 2005 until January 2009, 12 human cases of swine flu were detected in the U.S. with no deaths occurring. However, swine flu infection can be serious. In September 1988, a previously healthy 32-year-old pregnant woman in Wisconsin was hospitalized for pneumonia after being infected with swine flu and died 8 days later. A swine flu outbreak in Fort Dix, New Jersey occurred in 1976 that caused more than 200 cases with serious illness in several people and one death."

2 people in 30 years? Yeah nice try swine flu, why don't you go have a seat next to your buddy Ebola and Bird Flu. We'll get around to worrying about you right after we've taken care of the upcoming robot penguin apocalypse.

Still Better than Spider-Man 3

"COMIC LEGEND: Spider-Man and Captain America starred in a 1970s Turkish film.
STATUS: Sort of True
In 1973, writer Do?an Tamer and director T. Fikret Uçak released in Turkey the film 3 Dev Adam, which roughly translates into English as “Three Mighty Men. The “three mighty men” in this instance were Captain America, Spider-Man and the Mexican luchador (wrestler), Santo."
~via comicbook resources

Obviously this wasn't a licensed film, this was back in the 70s when moustaches seemed like a good idea and copyright law barely existed.

The best part here is how similar this movie is to Italian Spider-Man. If you have a couple minutes check out Turkish Spider-man here and Italian Spider-man here.

New Ugly Duckling FTW!

It may have been my wifes birthday yesterday but it felt like mine when I heard Ugly Duckling has a new album out. Check out the video "I won't let it die" from their new CD "Audacity".

Hot Links!

the new pigeon john cd is awesome, check out a preview here

Here are some articles from the past week that were good, just not good enough for me to steal.


How "Fall Guy" Saved Civilization (valerie d'orazio)


Hello Kitty Has Finally Gone Too Damn Far (topless robot)


Thirsty - and Running Dry (pastoral musings from the rain city)


The Nightman Commeth (live). (warming glow)

The Top 20 Reveals From The 2009 Shanghai Auto Show (jalopnik)

Crack The F—king Skye. Your 2009 NFL Draft Jamboroo (deadspin)

Have a great weekend!

Are you ready for some Football!

I don't know why the Seattle PI stopped publishing a print copy of their paper. They clearly have the best coverage in town of the Seattle Mist. The last round of tryouts were held yesterday. Lets look at some of the highlights of their 33 page (no kidding.. 33 pages) photo gallery.

She already has better throwing mechanics than Rick Mirer ever had

D-Jack, is that you?

And you thought Troy Polumalu's hair was out of control

I'm sure this isn't what Chuck Knox had in mind when he said football players make football plays

It's always important to stretch

Fanbase or sexual predators you decide

Season Tickets are on sale now! Prices start at 8 dollars and top out at $107. I'm assuming for that kind of cash you also get a "lap dance" in the champagne room.

Breaking News: Video games are popular!

Enjoy this news report from 1988 on the Super Mario Brothers phenomenon. Yes that is Bill O'Reilley, but the best part here is seeing footage inside Nintendo's call center. I can't believe this is what kids used to do to get tips and cheats before Al Gore invented the internet.

Beauty Contestant helps blogger pad his hits

So the HUGE story of the weekend is all about Miss California, Carrie Prejean's war on Homosexuality. Ok, maybe we're all just desperate for another Miss Teen South Carolina. You be the judge, how badly does she flub this question about Gay Marriage?



Does her support of "Opposite Marriage" warrant this kind of response by super blogger Perez Hilton?



How many extra hits will I get for running this picture of Miss California in a Bikini?


The only thing we can be sure of is that Perez Hilton's lost a lot of weight. good for him

Hot zombies every month

I'm not sure which was more surprising this morning. Randomly running into a website dedicated to Zombie pin-ups, or realizing that I don't have their calendar yet.

It's almost May and I still don't have a really good calendar for my office, I'm wondering if a calendar that slightly celebrates necrophilia would be considered NSFW.

check out http://www.myzombiepinup.com/ for ordering info!

Monkey Fighting Snakes?

What's interesting here is that this scene was filmed after the movie was done because the internet demanded it. Well guess what internet, you f-ed up. Monkey fighting snakes would have made this movie 1000 times better.

GI Joe: Resolute

It looks like the first couple "episodes" of GI Joe: Resolute has hit adultswim.com I've watched the first one, and it looks pretty sweet. I'll guarantee you it's going to end up better than the Steven Sommers directed garbage that will be in theaters this summer.

Very nice Lamps

this week a very special apperance from puppet ronaldo.

Hot Links!

drug dealers stole his heart and her shirt

While no one can half-ass a blog post like I can, these guys came the closest this week.

Articles of Clothing We’d Remove From Existence (kissingsuzykolber.com)

hulk hogan agrees with oj simpson (wwtdd.com)

What Mid-Size Sedan Is What Character From The Office? (jalopnik)

The Subtle Game: Why Soccer Remains Foreign to Us (free bill simmons)

NEW REALITY SHOW: NAVY, PIRATES, DJIBOUTI (warming glow)

10 Transformers That Were Only Badass in the Comics (topless robot)

have a great weekend!

Harley Quinn?

I swear that this week there have been like a dozen trailers released for Batman: Arkham Asylum. This one looks pretty cool, and gives us what I think is the closest thing we'll ever see to a movie version of Harley Quinn. Personally I love her original costume, but I can't imagine it fitting in with say the costumes from The Dark Knight.

Jimmy Fallon has lost a lot of hair

Future #1 NFL draft pick (and future Detroit lion bust) Matt Stafford was on Late night with Jimmy Fallon the other night. I'm still on the fence with Fallon, he's quirky and awkward just like Conana O'Brien was his first few years on late night but unlike Conan he's just not that likeable. And what's up with that hair line? he's already got that wispy bangs combover thing going on. It's like the awfulness that was Fever Pitch aged him 10 years.

Anyway more to the point, Matt Stafford threw some footballs and plates, which ended up being pretty cool. Detroit can sleep safe knowing Stafford is super accurate from 5 yards out while wearing a suit.

Think your kids are safe in the sandbox?

I know nothing about FEAR 2, but this DLC pack for it looks so freaking awesome. Could you imagine a GI Joe game like this? All I'm going to be able to think about for the rest of the day is playing as a little toy Stalker mowing down like a hundred of those lame Cobra soldiers in some toy sandbox.

~via joystickdivision.com

Zom-Bot sounds like a Zom-Not

Dropping $2,525.99 on a Zombie killing robot might sound like a good idea, but what's going to happen when this thing becomes self-aware and decides that humanity is the real threat to earth, not the zombies? Save yourself $2,400 and just get a stanley fubar III. It comes with a bottle opener built into the hammer head.

I like square butts and I cannot lie

wow burger king... just wow

How long until we get an X-Men Reboot?

I figure I pirate enough music that I don't need to start downloading movies (Battle Royal being a notable exception). So I haven't seen the copy of Wolverine that's been making the rounds the last couple weeks. From everything I hear the movie kinda sucks, and more important to the nerd community, Fox has really taken a hatchet to some of the supporting characters that appear in the movie. If Wolverine tanks at the cash register and is universally panned, where does that leave the X-Men franchise? You don't suspect they would just keep rolling out "origin" movies do you? The X-Men sell way to many comics, and attract way to many fan-boys to be an "also ran" at the box office.

Fox has had the movie rights to the X-Men films for years now, and I have no idea when the rights might revert back to Marvel so this is all speculation. Fox was smart when they handed the first two movies over to Bryan Singer, but then they rushed out a poorly written and directed sequel in X-3. It's not just the X-Men franchise that Fox has driven into the ground. They've been rolling out some really crap-tastic movies the last couple of years. Here was last years big summer line up for Fox; X-Files 2, Meet Dave, The Happening, Space Chimps, Babylon AD. Their lone "hit" last summer was What Happens in Vegas, 'nuff said.

Marvel showed last summer that they could produce hits on their own. The Incredible Hulk did really well for a reboot that was only a few years removed from the original. And I don't know anyone that didn't like Iron Man. Maybe it's time for Marvel to wrestle away control of what might be it's most popular intellectual property. It might be a shame to have to recast Wolverine and Professor Xavier, but anything is better than Halle Berry as Storm, right?

Now the Wolverine Movie Is Just Rubbing the Deadpool Debacle In Our Faces

Crank 3?

i09.com has an interview with Amy Smart where she discusses, amoung other things, the possibility of a Crank 3.

"Can you talk about any particular moment that got your adrenaline up?
We definitely have another Chinatown scene. I don't know if I want to give away. I'll just give you two words: Horse Racetrack."

Ok, if at any point in this movie Statham has sex with a horse my eyes might explode. Do we really need another clerks 2 style donkey show scene?

"Has there been any talk if this movie is successful will there be a 3?
I know definitely that they are talking about a third film but I have no idea what the story would be. "

I know I know, what if they replace his heart with a zombie heart? zombies are super in right now. No wait, lets make it a teenage vampire heart, it could be a sequal to twilight! How about somali pirates? those are in the news a lot.

This really has to stop

Danielle Lloyd has got her hooks in another Footballer. Our newest victim is Spurs midfielder Jamie O'Hara. This is at least the seventh soccer player she's publicly "dated". She's previously been linked with Ryan Babel, Teddy Sheringham, Marcus Bent, Armand Traoré, Jermain Defoe and Gerard Piqué.

At what point do her friends hold an invervention for her? Sure it all fun and paparazzi now, but this is how it starts. First it's EPL, then you're dating guys in the Championship, then the SPL, then the IFA. Before you know it, you're hanging out with a bag of orange slices at Valley Ridge field number 2 waiting for a guy with a knee brace to sub out.

Fun bonus fact: Danielle participated in a BBC quiz called Test The Nation. When asked who Winston Churchill was, she replied: “Wasn’t he the first black president of America? There’s a statue of him near me - that’s black.”

The Expendables will melt your face... and apparently stallone's

Are you kidding me with this? The Expendables will easily win the Oscar for best movie ever, narrowly beating out Highlander. It's Written by Stallone. Directed by Stallone. Starring Stallone, Jason Statham, Mickey Rourke, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Danny Trejo, Eric Roberts, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Randy Coutoure and a cameo by Ahnold. Are you kidding me? This movie is going to be like Predator, if Predator was taking the same growth hormones that Stallone has been taking the last 15 years.

The plot revolves around some sort of group of mercenaries hired by the government to take out a south American dictator. But seriously, with this group of thespians are you really looking for plot? I want explosions and gatling guns, and for danny trejo to get a stunner from steve austin right after randy coutoure gets his arm chopped off while wielding twin shotguns.

Expect the end of the world April of 2010. I'm just assuming the world will end because after watching this what's the point, right?

Move over Bald Bull

If movies like Jason X, the Leaprechaun part 5, and Ghosts of Mars have taught us anything, it's that everything is better in space. Ice Cube fighting Zombies... boring. Ice Cube fighting zombies in space? Gold!

where was I? oh yeah here's a video from an unreleased ROM of Mike Tyson's Intergalactic Power Punch. A would be sequal to Mike Tyson's punch out, until Tyson got all rapey. Looks kinda like it would suck, but still it's available for download. It might be worth firing up the old NES emulator.

~via gamesetwatch.com

Andriy Shevchenko = Judas

This has got to be one of the funniest special1tv episodes in a long time. How is it that puppets on the internet give a better recap of the EPL than the talking suits on Fox Soccer Channel?

The State on DVD

Hey Kids remember way back in 1993 when MTV aired both music videos and groundbreaking sketch comedy shows? No? ...well here's some news you won't care about but makes me a happy boy.

Thomas Lennon, co-star of the upcoming comedy 17 Again, told reporters that his cult MTV show The State will be coming to DVD this summer. "July 14th," Lennon said in a news conference on Sunday in Beverly Hills, Calif. "For real: Bastille Day. The whole g--damn thing. I have no idea why it's coming out on Bastille Day, but it's coming out on Bastille Day."
The State was an acclaimed but ratings-deficient sketch-comedy television series that ran from 1993 to 1995. Lennon said that the show hasn't debuted before on disc because of music rights issues and the fact that its fan base remains modest. "There was a lot of music clearance issues, and then, you know, it's a cult show," Lennon said. "The fans are die-hard, but there's not tons and tons of them."
~via scifiwire.com

This is really horrible news for my wife. She hates it when I break out my DVDs of Mr Show with Bob and David, there's no chance she'll put up with The State.

Collar Popping Problems

My computer's down. I think it's Y2K. I should be back to posting on friday.

George Lucas is kind of a Jerk, who knew?

When he's not ruining your childhood memories it seems that George Lucas spends his free time not paying his actors the royalties they deserve.

"David Prowse, the English actor who played (but didn’t voice) Darth Vader in the first three Star Wars , recently told Equity Magazine that he has yet to receive any of the residuals he’s owed for Return of the Jedi … because LucasFilm claims the film hasn’t made a profit ."

~via film drunk

Lets see, by last account Return of the Jedi made 475 million dollars and had a reported budget of 32.5 million. Lucasfilms' official stance is that while the movie did turn a gross profit, it didn't actually make any net profit, therefore Prowse isn't owed anything. That's some pretty ballsy accounting right there. I'm guessing these are the kinds of business practices that make sure Kenny Baker and Peter Mayhew are paid in boxes of Mike and Ikes to show up at your local sci-fi convention this weekend while George Lucas can hire Ex NBA stars to carry him to his race car bed every night.

It comes in Sounders Rave Green?

305 HP Ford Focus RS Coming To America? (jalopnik)

Jalopnik reported this morning that Ford is contemplating bringing the Euro-only Ford Focus RS (along with the torque-steer-gasmic 305 HP turbocharged 2.5-liter five-banger Volvo powerplant) stateside. If you can fit a car seat in the back, this is going to be my next car.

I couldn't find a good video review for the RS, but Top Gear did take a look at the ST.

Never bring a knife to a lobster knife fight

Here's some stuff to browse while you're not signing up to follow this blog (jerks).

The 7 People to Preemptively Kill When the Zombies Attack (topless robot)

Top 10 Ugliest Kicks Of The Past 20 Years (yep yep)

How America is Ruining Soccer (the spoiler)

Top 10: WrestleMania Moments (ask men)

Watch Wolverine for free on line (film drunk)

Dark X-Men - because Dark Avengers aren't dark enough! (comic by comic)

have a great weekend!

Don't Get Chumpatized

While there's no arguing that I'm a pretty big nerd, I'm not the overly obsessive kind. Most of the time things like live coverage from E3, Comicon or Dragonfest 2012 don't intrest me at all. However this year might be different. Kotaku is reporting that Steve Wiebe and Billy Mitchell will be going head to head, live on the floor of this year's E3. No word if Mr. Awesome will be there.

King Of Kong Rematch Going Down At E3 (kotaku.com)

6 reasons Dancing is better than Singing

It's no big secret that I watch a lot of bad tv, so if anyone has become an expert on all things Seacrest it's this guy (you can't tell but I'm pointing at myself with my thumbs). Now a couple weeks ago Idol really flexed it's muscle by annihilating Dancing with the Stars results show's ratings. In an effort to help right a wrong that I'm sure only I see, here's my top 6 reasons why Dancing with the Stars is better than American Idol.

6. The results show is more entertaining

This is a no brainer. Both shows take a criminally long time to tell you which contestants have been eliminated each week and neither one is a must watch. However, the difference between Idol and Dancing is that Dancing actually tries to put together an entertaining show. There's comedy bits, singing, more dancing, and every once in a while more Kenny Mayne, which is never a bad thing. Idol on the other hand has those stupid group numbers where all the contestants prance around a ford focus singing some song from the 60s. Or worse than that, some sort of vanity re-cap where they spend 10 minutes breaking down how last nights patented awkward exchange between Seacrest and Simon was hilarious.

5. The host is less annoying

Considering the amount of Time Ryan Seacrest has to fill, I think he does a pretty good job. The big problem is that he gets caught in these lapses in judgment where he thinks things are funnier or more entertaining than they really are. Last nights "interview" with Lil Rounds daughter is a prime example. Tom Bergeron is saddled with the truly awful Sammantha Harris and he's still able to keep things moving. That right there should earn him an emmy.

4. The Judges are more coherent

Which is a miracle considering Bruno Tonioli is the most flamboyant idiot savant of all time. I actually like the Idol judges for the most part, but they're critiques have devolved into some sort of American idol Mad libs. Randy says everything is "hawt" or that he's not "feeling it tonight, dog". Paula blabbers about something touchy feely and Simon either says you're good or you sound to Karaoke. This season anything they don't like they blame on the song selection. And don't get me started with Kara... not only is she useless but she starts every critique with "..here's the thing" It's driving me insane!

In contrast you take the Dancing with the stars judges. Sure they're as goofy and self centered as any other television judges you'll ever see, but for the most part they actually give criticism intended to help the performers. I can understand when Len says Holly Madison's footwork was to slow. I have no idea what Randy trying to tell me when he thinks Matt Giraud is a bit "pitchy dawg".

3. Washed up stars always trump pimply faced teens

If you want to feel like you really "know" any of the contestants on idol, you have to watch hours and hours of horrible singing in the early episodes. Even then when it comes to the final 12 there's always one or two kids in there that leave you wondering why you've never seen before. However on DWTS you're emotionally invested from day one. Who doesn't know Apollo Ono, Joey Laurence, Clyde Drexler? Or you know that guy from that show you saw once... the one with the hair, Ted McGinley! that's the guy!

2. Idol doesn't really work

What's the last Fantasia Barrino CD you've bought? At least DWTS isn't trying to fool anybody. It's really just an excuse for Steve Guttenberg to get a regular paycheck for a couple months.

1. The winners are better looking

Not to say the winners of Idol are troll dolls, but lets be honest with ourselves for a minute.

Kelly Clarkson vs Kelly Monaco?

Helio vs Ruben?

Ok lets call Carrie underwood and Brooke burke a tie

Stripper poles at 10 paces

2 weeks later the car mysteriously came down with gonorrhea.

Coming to a store near you: Kendra Wilkinson's new line of stripper poles! "I'm coming out with my own stripper pole. Stripper pole, and stripper pole workout," The Girls Next Door star, 23, told Usmagazine.com at the American Red Cross Red Tie Affair in Santa Monica Saturday.
"It's like Carmen Electra's, but mine is better," she continued. "Mine will connect to the ceiling, and you can spin on it and do all that stuff on it."
~via Us news

If only she had come out with this line of stripper poles sooner maybe her former co-star Holly Madison wouldn't have been eliminated from Dancing with the Stars last night. It's good to know that all the years spent living at the Playboy mansion prepared her for the real world. Really Hef needs to look into getting that place accredited.