It's in the Links

Nicki Minaj, Mariah Carey throwdown during Idol auditions. A couple years ago I predicted that Cheryl Cole and Nicole Scherzinger's combine hotness on X-Factor would crush American Idol and it's J-Lo/Steven Tyler wank fest. I was WAAAAY wrong. Just like that time I thought David Archuleta was going to beat David Cook in the finals and then David... ummmm, what I mean is American Idol is super lame.

NBA Live '13 finally gets a Mercy Killing. You have no idea how many hours I wasted playing NBA Live 95 on the Super Nintendo. I didn't just finish a season I would finish seasons upon seasons, and every game would be 8 minute quarters because otherwise how was I supposed to get enough rebounds so Shawn Kemp could win the MVP? Sucks to see EA ruin the franchise.

The HotTug. I'm pretty sure if I had a HotTug I would just put it out to sea and never come back. Look at that thing, what more could you want in life?

Top 5 Ways the Bleacher Report Rules the World. Good read that will make you sad for the internet. Seriously Bleacher Report is the worst. They're the best at it, but seriously just the worst.

American Idol is screwed

Earlier this week It was revealed that Nicole Scherzinger would join Cheryl Cole and Simon Cowell as the hosts of The X Factor. The show that's just like American Idol and will more than likely end up replacing American Idol just as it did in England when it replaced it's predecessor Pop Idol.

Wait a minute? Didn't American Idol announce it's new All-star judges just last week? Ummm yeah about that... Now I like Aerosmith as much as the next guy (as long as the next guy and I both think they should have died in a bus accident in 1982) and J-Lo could be spectacularly bad in a Paula Abdul sort of way, but come on. I mean come on. Here's Cheryl Cole and Nicole Scherzinger.


And here's Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez.


Again Cheryl Cole and Nicole Scherzinger.


And again Stev... no wait, here's more Cheryl and Nicole


See ya later American Idol. We'll always have Jordin Sparks.

Paula Abdul is seriously underpaid

Last week Ryan Seacrest raised a few eyebrows when he signed a 45 million dollar deal to host American Idol for the next 3 seasons. Obviously one of those eyebrows belonged to a Miss Paula Abdul.

Her manager David Sonenberg is playing tough, and probably made a few network execs squirm this weekend when he told the Los Angeles Times, "Very sadly, it
does not appear she's going to be back on Idol." The story behind Sonenberg's comments, RadarOnline.com has learned from sources close to the situation, is that the former Laker Girl and hit recording star is demanding $20 million and the other side has floated the idea of $10 million. And while Paula has regularly renegotiated her contract with dire threats of not returning, Sonenberg is talking tough and hasn't given anyone on the network side reason to believe he's bluffing.

Ummmm... didn't anyone tell Paula's manager that they replaced her with a younger better looking woman last season? Her camp might want to rethink their negotiating tactics. I'd counter offer with minimum wage plus tips, a Chikezie bobble head and all the coca-cola she can drink.

you keep using that word. i do not think it means what you think it means.

So Kris Allen is your American idol. I guess this is big news. I mean if you read the paper, listen to the radio or watch TV you can't get away from it today. Every Joe Six-Pack and Linda Lunch lady has their opinion on the big finale, so why should this guy be any different?

It seems the consensus is that Kris Allen's win is the biggest upset in idol history. In fact, the term "upset" has been used so much it's starting to get under my skin a bit. How can you label this an upset? Every week we have no idea the specifics of how America voted. For all we know Kris Allen has been beating Adam Lambert by a million votes for the last 4 weeks. If my memory doesn't fail me (and there's no way I'm actually looking this up, so memory is all I have) Kris and Adam were in the bottom 3 and the so called "top 3" an equal amount of times this season. It's not like this is Dancing with the stars, where the competitors get a numerical score from the judges. With the exception of the amount of praise the judges had given to Adam all season long, going into the finale there was really nothing definitive that should have labeled Kris the underdog. I mean are we calling him the underdog just because 10 weeks ago Paula said we'd see Adam in the finale?

A real upset is when your favorite Basketball team has the number one seed in the western conference and you loose in the first round to the Denver Nuggets. Damn you Mutombo!

oh yeah, Adam Lambert and Kate Gosselin totally have the same hairstylist. Am I wrong?

6 reasons Dancing is better than Singing

It's no big secret that I watch a lot of bad tv, so if anyone has become an expert on all things Seacrest it's this guy (you can't tell but I'm pointing at myself with my thumbs). Now a couple weeks ago Idol really flexed it's muscle by annihilating Dancing with the Stars results show's ratings. In an effort to help right a wrong that I'm sure only I see, here's my top 6 reasons why Dancing with the Stars is better than American Idol.

6. The results show is more entertaining

This is a no brainer. Both shows take a criminally long time to tell you which contestants have been eliminated each week and neither one is a must watch. However, the difference between Idol and Dancing is that Dancing actually tries to put together an entertaining show. There's comedy bits, singing, more dancing, and every once in a while more Kenny Mayne, which is never a bad thing. Idol on the other hand has those stupid group numbers where all the contestants prance around a ford focus singing some song from the 60s. Or worse than that, some sort of vanity re-cap where they spend 10 minutes breaking down how last nights patented awkward exchange between Seacrest and Simon was hilarious.

5. The host is less annoying

Considering the amount of Time Ryan Seacrest has to fill, I think he does a pretty good job. The big problem is that he gets caught in these lapses in judgment where he thinks things are funnier or more entertaining than they really are. Last nights "interview" with Lil Rounds daughter is a prime example. Tom Bergeron is saddled with the truly awful Sammantha Harris and he's still able to keep things moving. That right there should earn him an emmy.

4. The Judges are more coherent

Which is a miracle considering Bruno Tonioli is the most flamboyant idiot savant of all time. I actually like the Idol judges for the most part, but they're critiques have devolved into some sort of American idol Mad libs. Randy says everything is "hawt" or that he's not "feeling it tonight, dog". Paula blabbers about something touchy feely and Simon either says you're good or you sound to Karaoke. This season anything they don't like they blame on the song selection. And don't get me started with Kara... not only is she useless but she starts every critique with "..here's the thing" It's driving me insane!

In contrast you take the Dancing with the stars judges. Sure they're as goofy and self centered as any other television judges you'll ever see, but for the most part they actually give criticism intended to help the performers. I can understand when Len says Holly Madison's footwork was to slow. I have no idea what Randy trying to tell me when he thinks Matt Giraud is a bit "pitchy dawg".

3. Washed up stars always trump pimply faced teens

If you want to feel like you really "know" any of the contestants on idol, you have to watch hours and hours of horrible singing in the early episodes. Even then when it comes to the final 12 there's always one or two kids in there that leave you wondering why you've never seen before. However on DWTS you're emotionally invested from day one. Who doesn't know Apollo Ono, Joey Laurence, Clyde Drexler? Or you know that guy from that show you saw once... the one with the hair, Ted McGinley! that's the guy!

2. Idol doesn't really work

What's the last Fantasia Barrino CD you've bought? At least DWTS isn't trying to fool anybody. It's really just an excuse for Steve Guttenberg to get a regular paycheck for a couple months.

1. The winners are better looking

Not to say the winners of Idol are troll dolls, but lets be honest with ourselves for a minute.

Kelly Clarkson vs Kelly Monaco?

Helio vs Ruben?

Ok lets call Carrie underwood and Brooke burke a tie