To boldly fail where no man...

Ok so Shater or no Shatner the new Star Trek movie looks super bad ass. However there seems to be a problem brewing in the federation. This morning a couple websites leaked the first pictures of Diora Baird as nameless Orion Slave girl... disappointing would be an understatement.

For context let's review the most famous of all Orion Slave girls, Yvonne Craig (of batgirl fame). Her appearance on the original Star Trek TV show proved that much like adding bacon to food, adding green paint and a bikini makes every woman a bit better.

Now here's how JJ Abrams rolls. He's taken the lovely Ms. Baird and made her looks like a dumpy cosplayer with what may or may not be herpes on her upper lip.

For shame JJ Abrams...

Winning is fun and Losing is for Losers

Michael Kinahan is an intense coach, here are a couple excerpts from an e-mail he sent out to the parents of the club team he used to manage. (yes it's long, but well worth it)

"I believe winning is fun and losing is for losers. Ergo, we will strive for the "W" in each game. While we may not win every game (excuse me, I just got a little nauseated) I expect us to fight for every loose ball and play every shift as if it were the finals of the World Cup. While I spent a good Saturday morning listening to the legal liability BS, which included a 30 minute dissertation on how we need to baby the kids and especially the refs, I was disgusted. The kids will run, they will fall, get bumps, bruises and even bleed a little. Big deal, it's good for them (but I do hope the other team is the one bleeding). If the refs can't handle a little criticism, then they should turn in their whistle. The sooner they figure out how to make a decision and live with the consequences the better. My heckling of the refs is actually helping them develop as people. The political correctness police are not welcome on my sidelines."

"We do not cater to superstars, but prefer the gritty determination of journeymen who bring their lunch pail to work every week, chase every ball and dig in corners like a Michael Vick pit bull. Unless there is an issue concerning the health of my players or inside info on the opposition, you probably don't need to talk to me."

"America's youth is becoming fat, lazy and non-competitive because competition is viewed as "bad". I argue that competition is good and is important to the evolution of our species and our survival in what has become an increasingly competitive global economy and dangerous world. Second place trophies are nothing to be proud of as they serve only as a reminder that you missed your goal; their only useful purpose is as an inspiration to do that next set of reps."

"Who's with me? Go Green Death!"

It should be noted that "Green Death" is a 6-7 year old girls club team.

Massachusetts Girls Soccer Coach Resigns Over Hilarious, Possibly Insane Email (via deadspin)

Hot Links for the weekend

It's not often, but occasionally other blogs are funnier, more entertaining and informative than this one. So here's some links, brought to you by Tony Little and a bear that I'm assuming he killed with his bare hands.

Ukrainian cover band is awesome (warming glow)

Dancing with the Stars almost turns into BTK part two (reality blurred)

More Marvel Comics movies in the works (comic by comic)

Batman Arkham Asylum Preview (topless robot)

The 10 Greatest Old School WWF Promos Of All Time (man o' fest)

Which Hybrid should you buy (jalopnik.com)

Have a great weekend sucka foos.

That's not how you do it...

I'm a big fan of soccer teams trying something really tricky and failing horribly. Here's Portugal's under 21 team blowing an easy PK to Cape Verde, followed by a couple of examples of how to do it right. The last one is super sick.

Step aside Sounders, the Mist is coming

I think that's a variation of a horse collar tackle

Mark you calenders for September 11th 2009, 'cause that's when real football comes to the Pacific Northwest. After a handful of seasons existing only for the Lingerie Bowl on Super Bowl Sunday, the Lingerie Football League has expanded to 10 teams and will have a regular schedule of games beginning in 2009. Among the franchises are the San Diego Seduction, Dallas Desire, Chicago Bliss and of course your Seattle Mist!

I guess the official league announcements and "tryouts" happened months ago. Somehow this one slipped under my radar. That is until the Kent Reporter put the story on their front page last week. Apparently the Seattle Mist (much like the Seattle Thunderbirds) will actually play their home games in my new neighborhood, Kent. The new Showare center to be exact, although if they need a practice field I'm sure my wife won't mind If I paint some yard markers in the back yard.

also be sure to check out the fine selection of Seattle Mist Merchandise at the team shop. You know, cause you have to support the team.

Dave is wrong, the GI Joe movie will suck terribly

Yeah that's right... there's your first look at Cobra Commander (sure it's toy form, but it totally counts) in the new GI Joe: Rise of Cobra movie. Now I'll give the producers a bit more slack than your average nerd will. The fact that Cobra Commander is played by Joseph Gordon Levitt (of 3rd rock from the sun and 10 things I hate about you fame) is in my opinion kinda cool. He was pretty awesome in Brick, and Commander is supposed to be a bit of a weasel anyway.

But come on... you have to draw the line somewhere. His costume looks like ass. Don't take my word for it, here's what a few commenter at toplessrobot.com have to say.

"AND HIS HEAD IS A GIANT CRUNCHBERRY."

"Was this the result of another brilliant idea by the Deadpool redesign guy? Good job, douche."
"Fuck! How hard is it to just cut a couple of eyeholes in a piece of blue cloth."

"Oh sweet a jason X Sequel!"

"*shoots self*"

There you go, nice job capturing your target audience Paramount. Just throw in a couple more Wayans brothers in it and I'm sure it'll all even out.

an awesome glimps of what could have been.

Governor opens mouth, inserts foot

Someone somewhere in the hierarchy of the GOP thinks that Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal (who totally reminds me of kenneth the page from 30 rock) is their answer to Obama. About a month ago Bobby Jindal gave the GOP response to President Obama's address to Congress. In it he came up with this winner, "Instead of monitoring volcanoes, what Congress should be monitoring is the eruption of spending in Washington, D.C.,"

You tell 'em Bobby! Who needs to monitor Volcanoes? I mean when was the last time a Volcano ever killed someone. I'm not even sure we have any volcanoes in the US.

Alaska doesn't count as a real state, it's more like eastern russia

Don't get me started on all the money we waste on natural disaster monitoring. Volcanoes, earthquakes, hurricanes we're the United States of America not India or Thailand. If anyone is an expert on how planning and preparing for natural disasters is a complete waste of resources it's gotta be the Governor of Louisiana.

what hurricane?

Van Damme would have been awesome in this

Hey kids, remember Trishelle from the Real World Las Vegas? What, you don't? Well, she was the one that even after a pregnancy scare, refused to use protection while having sex with one of her roommates. Sure that doesn't sound like much these days but back in 2002 it was the most incredible Real World season ever. Well she's back, and staring in what looks like a horrible movie called Ninja Cheerleaders. check out the trailer and try to explain to me why cheerleader = stripper? I guess when you're also a ninja you need to make sure you keep your resume diverse.