Thursday, August 4, 2011

Look out the Racists are angy

I mentioned in the links yesterday that Marvel has killed off Peter Parker and given us a new Spider-Man. Well they didn't kill the real Peter Parker, they killed the Ultimate version of Peter Parker. See, Marvel has this line of comics called "Ultimate" set in a different universe where everyone is younger and they can revisit old storylines with fresh new... man, sometimes it's hard being a comic geek.

Anyway, this new Spider-Man, who's not the real Spider-Man, is now some mix raced kid named Skippy Morales or something. Honestly I didn't really pay attention, I don't read Ultimate Spider-Man anymore. Of course you know who did pay attention? Racists! Racists are always paying attention... and reading USA Today (I think it's the colorful graphs). Here's a few of the highlights from their comment section (followed by my witty commentary of course).

See if you can spot the Patton Oswalt quote, if you do you win extra internet.

"If anything, most comic book heroes should have been black, hispanic, gay, or asian in the first place. They're always having to innovate new ways to get out of an impossible situation, they're extremely athletic with muscles and bulges everywhere, and have to kick the mess out of people every now and then. Now of all the ethnic groups in the U.S., which ones have to do this the least? Hmm."

Chinese people are good at math!

"Just what we need. Why not Hispanic?"

You didn't do well on the critical reading portion of the SATs did you?

"Why not just create a new superhero. Because it would fail miserably and the PC media could not have that."

yeah dumbasses, how hard is it to create another billion dollar franchise character like Spider-Man. gosh..

"Well, that nails it. Spidey's dead to me."

This fictional character is no longer alive in my eyes. Literally!

"Half black, half Hispanic. I am thinking neither group is happy about THAT!"

You know who hates black people more than Hispanics? Liberals!

"Blacktino superhero? Is that the best demographic for a print comic book?"

Didn't you know Blacktino's can't read? Also if you hit one on the head with a stick he turns into 40 gold coins!

"Does he speak Spanish or Ebonics?"

How about Jive? Like those delightful two black guys in Airplane, man that movie was hilarious, but don't call me Shirley!

"Hey MR. WRITER!!! Why not make a completely different story like....Peter Parker married a blak hispanic lady then comes along the son who took over the power from father Peter, this would make sense instead of killing Peter Parker's character."

Is that you Bill Jemas?

"Kind of lame. Why not come up with a fresh new character. This is below Marvel."

HAHAHAHAHA, "below Marvel". Like there is such a thing. Someday why don't you come over to the house (I just pressure washed the deck) and I'll tell you in detail about Ben Reilly, the Clone of Peter Parker that turned out to be the original Peter Parker but then sales tanked and he became a clone again and was shipped off to nowhereville where no one ever talks about him. After we're done with that we can discuss how Peter Parker sold his marriage to the Devil over some cookies and tea. If you have time before you leave we'll talk about Werewolf Captain America and Thor Frog.

Seriously, Thor Frog. And you know what? Thor Frog was bad ass.




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