Monday, May 17, 2010

.. The Blurst of Times

Having a fussy 6 month old has provided me with ample opportunities to watch absolute garbage TV shows at 2 in the morning. With "..the Blurst of Times" I'll tell you all about whatever horrible abortion of a TV show I watched the night before.

Dracula 3000 stars Casper Van Dien, Erika Eleniak and Coolio. Do I really need to continue? Ok, your loss. The movie starts out like EVERY space horror film ever. There's a derelect ship floating through space and it's up to Casper Van Dien's crew to salvage the ship and find out what happened. The twist here is that Dracula happened.

My favorite part of this assgrab of a film (other than Casper Van Dien's 5 o'clock shadow) is that Coolio's character is named 187, I would imagine after the police code for homicide. Of course since it's a thousand years into the future it makes as much sense as if my nickname was out of the Corpus Hermetica (it's a greek literature joke, I can be very high brow). Did I mention Coolio loves weed in this movie? Did I need to?

On a scale of 1 to when I fell asleep this movie scores a hefty 45 minutes. Once Coolio turned into some sort of jugallo vampire I knew it was time to call it a night.




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