Ask A Porn Star: "Best Star Wars Movie"

Turns out when you always go to physical therapy wearing Star Wars t-shirts you eventually get a lot of Star Wars questions. This morning while at PT both my therapist and her assistant asked me what my favorite Star Wars movie was. It's a question I've been thinking about a lot lately, especially since everyone else on the internet seems pretty insistent on determining where The Force Awakens ranks in respect to the rest of the films.

Personally I think it's a bit early to try and come up with any sort of definitive rank, It took me a full 2 years to admit that The Phantom Menace was kinda crappy, but what the hell. I've got nothing else going on today.

1. Return of the Jedi
2. Empire Strikes Back
3. The Force Awakens
4. A New Hope
5. Revenge of the Sith
6. The Phantom Menace
7. Attack of the Clones

Number one and two are pretty interchangeable for me. I really like Empire but I feel the movie sort of loses its way once they get to Cloud City. I put Jedi above it just because I think it's stronger from start to finish. Also I don't hate on the Ewoks. The Ewoks were rad, they're little teddy bears that are perfectly happy with eating humans. That's metal.

Force Awakens and New Hope are sort of interchangeable too. A New Hope gets lots of credit for kicking everything off and building this amazing world but it's a bit clunky in places and some of the acting isn't that great. Awakens was really enjoyable and had better dialogue but it leans on A New Hope heavily, repeating a lot of the same plot points. I have a feeling that it might not hold up as well 10 years from now when we're not as nostalgic for the original cast.

Revenge of the Sith is easily the best of the prequels. It's probably the only one worth watching, as the other two give you a bunch of backstory they could have just spelled out in the opening crawl. It's by no means a bad movie, it has some really great action sequences, but it's the worst of the good ones.

Phantom Menace isn't the worst movie ever but it's not good by any means. The poor dialogue and bad acting really weigh down a plot that really needed the help. I've talked with people that have seen the movie multiple times that still don't understand how Senator Palpatine was using the Droid Army as a prop so he could gather power in the senate.

Attack of the Clones is easily one of the worst movies I've ever seen. I watched it once in the theater and was horrified. I've tried watching it again since then and I can't get through it in a single sitting. It's just so bad.

Anyway, here's some pornstars with their favorite Star Wars movie. Yikes.. is it just me or did we have way better looking porn stars in the 90s?

The Links Awaken

30 Things You Definitely Missed In “The Force Awakens”. Well it's December 30th, I figure if you haven't seen The Force Awakens yet you don't really care about spoilers. JUST IN CASE, here's your warning. Spoilers ahoy in all the following links and some of my pithy comments.

First off, nice try Buzzfeed, unless you went to the movie stoned or were on your phone all the time (I'm pretty sure that's 90% of Buzzfeed's demo) you probably didn't miss all 30 of these. Like the dish on the Millennium Falcon or the Pod Racers in the background. That's just paying attention to the movie. Still, I included this link because of the Ralpf McQuarrie concept art. That stuff is cool.

The 11 Biggest Differences Between the Book and Movie Versions of The Force Awakens. I'm not sure about the new Star Wars books. I bought one a couple months ago and it turned out to be some Young Adult novel disguised as a Star Wars book. Everyone is dreamy and has smooth chests, I think one of the Imperial Officers was a werewolf too. It wasn't that bad for what it was but it sort of turned me off on diving into this Expanded Universe 2.0.

Some Thoughts On ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’. I didn't really read any reviews on Episode VII. I heard they were positive but even bad reviews weren't going to stop me from seeing it. Vince from Film Drunk has a great point here in his non-review: "It’s not the kind of movie that feels like it needs a review. Reviewing The Force Awakens is sort of like reviewing a ride at Disneyland. “I liked the part where I went ‘WHOOAAAA’ but not the part where I went ‘awwwww!’ It was a little slow in the middle, before we got splashed with the water and it took our picture."

That's totally on point isn't it?

26 Unanswered Questions of ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’: We Have the Answers. One of the biggest questions the internet seems to be obsessed with post Episode VII is "who are Rey's parents?" I don't know, I actually think obsessing over who Rey's parents are sort of points out a HUGE flaw in the Star Wars universe. Everyone has to be related to someone else. It was such a big obstacle that George Lucas himself couldn't just have Anakin Skywalker be some dude who happens to be good at the force, he had to be a Christlike figure, virgin birth and all. It's stupid. No one watches Michael Jordan play and thinks "Man if he's this good his parents must have been amazing".

Personally I'm WAY more interested in who Snoke is. He's old, he knows the force, the books imply that he's been with the Empire behind the scenes for a while. Is he a sith? Is he something else? The original Expanded Universe had plenty of room for force users that weren't Jedi or Sith. OR is he a character we already know. I'm pretty sure we can rule out Emperor Palpatine but could he be Palpatine's Master, Darth Sidious? It's heavily implied that Palpatine killed Sidious nut maybe he just thought he killed him. I mean at one point Obi Wan thought he had killed Anakin, look how that turned out.

Anyway, I want to know more about Snoke. JJ Abrams better not screw us out of a reveal.

Bumblebee Crumblysprinkles As Dr. Strange

Yesterday, maybe the day before yesterday, Entertainment Weekly released a couple first look photos of Benedict Cumberpatch as Dr. Strange. Looks cool enough. If there's been a single knock against the juggernaut that is the Marvel Movie Universe, it's that every movie follows the same basic formula. I kinda hope they go balls to the wall with Dr. Strange and just make it this weird trippy movie full of psychodelic magic mumbo jumbo.

I know Marvel has had a lot of success with keeping the Marvel Movie Universe realistic but I think audiences are ready for something weird and different. Or maybe they're not. I am, and isn't that really the only important thing?

Merry Christmas

May you get all the milk and cookies your heart desires.

Star Wars RC Star Destroyer - Will It Fly?

Some RC nerds out there with just the right amount of time on their hands and a youtube channel built a 15 foot remote control Star Destroyer out of foam core and lightsaber crystals. It's impressive but will it actually fly?

Yes, it will fly. It will fly hilariously poorly.

Christmas Wish List: Better Health

Every day in December (work schedule permitting) I plan on posting one thing from my official DevilDinosaur Christmas Wish List (patent pending). Why? Because I can.

Quite literally everyone in our little nuclear family is sick right now. Wifey and I both have colds. Logan is recovering from a Flu and Ashley is going on 5 days without pooping. It's FANTASTIC. Hopefully everyone will feel a lot better by the time Santa slides down the chimney with care.

Being sick this time of year blows goats but watching your kids be sick like super blows super goats. My son is like a shell of his former self, sure he's easier to parent when he has zero energy like this but I'd rather have a kid bouncing off the walls than one that can barely get off the couch.

In the long run this isn't the end of the world. Everyone will feel better eventually and it's a good reminder how lucky we are that no one is like really really sick. Welp, I don't really know how to end this on a joke now. Merry New year?

Bullet Bouncing

Defense Links

The 100 Best Comic Book Covers of 2015. My favorite new comic of 2015, Descender could have had about 10 spots on this list. If you're looking for any last minute gifts for a sci-fi fan, I definitely would recommend the recently released Trade Paperback. It collects the first 7 or eight issues and is fantabulous.

‘Stop Crying And Fight Your Father’: ‘Seinfeld’ Writers Explain The True Meaning And Origin Of Festivus. I love the fact that Festivus was a real thing and that the writer who had to experience it was very much ashamed and embarrassed by it. I'll definitely keep him off of my list of people that disappointed me this year.

Listening While Feminist: In Defense of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”. The more I hear Baby, It's Cold Outside the more I wonder how a song that's clearly about date rape became so popular. Ok, maybe it's not specifically about date rape but as Dennis would put it, "it's the implication". Either way, this super old post by Persephone Magazine looks more into the historical context of the song.

It's a very interesting read and a pretty good defense of the song HOWEVER, I think with a lot of things like this, the context of the time is important but over time that context can become irrelevant. What could be considered progressive in the 1930s (some would say even feminist) can easily become warped by a misogynistic culture that to this very day perpetuates the myth that sex is something women don't want and only use to get something from men.

I don't know this is way deeper than I wanted to get into this topic. How about that Star Wars movie? That was pretty great, right?

Trick friends into thinking you have your shit together. "1. Put a bunch of shit in jars."