Why yes this is a woven beard

I gotta say, I think the beard head is reasonably priced at $25.00, but I'm not thrilled that they upcharge you $5.00 for the optional moustache attachment.

via uncrate.com

Your favorite band sucks, science proves it

via digital inspiration

Supposedibly (yes it's a word), This chart is based on a real study linking college students favorite bands to what they scored on the SATs. What I immediately noticed was how I hate almost all of these bands. the next thing I noticed is that my SAT score (a meaty 1250) seems a bit to close to the high end of this chart. Are kids getting dumber these days or does the SAT now include a physical challenge?

...wait did I say real study? what I meant was facebook study, so I guess this is about as accurate as that pirate treasure map my mom made for me when I was 9. Turns out there weren't any gold doubloons in my sock drawer.

Skorts!

I have a wife that plays soccer, so it's hard for me to rip the upcoming Womens Professional Soccer league without risking a night on the couch. But come on, skorts! Seriously ladies? who were the marketing geniuses that came up with this?


Find more photos like this on Women's Professional Soccer

thanks to the beautiful game for the find

Why give him a new heart?

Why give him a new heart, just so he can hunt you down and kill you? Because if you didn't he'd still hunt you down and kill you.

How much longer do I have to wait for this movie? This is like the 4th "new" trailer I've seen. At this point they might as well have released the whole thing in webisodes.

Guitar Hero Hero

Ok... I know it's dorf meets nerdcore, but quite frankly I don't care. MC Lars new album This Gigantic Robot Kills is available in stores and itunes today. It's a great album, and I'm not just saying that because he's the pudgy white MC I've always wanted to be. check it out, or ask me to play it the next time you're riding in my sentra.

Eric Roberts is the F'n Man

Here's Mickey Rourke giving a speach after winnning a spirit award (I thought only cheerleaders got those?). Can you imagine how awesome his speech would have been if he had won an oscar last night? It would have been a little different though, there's no way Eric Roberts gets into the Oscars.

Suck it Uwe Boll

This fan made Half Life 2 movie is just incredible. Supposedly the purchase brothers made it for less than 500 dollars by shooting it all digitally and blending in effects ripped right out of the game. I can't wait for the next episode.

Have you seen this dog?

working is for suckers but this made me smile today.

Those were the droids..

This pretty much sums up my first day back from vacation. Here's to tomorrow!

Tales of the Black Freighter trailer

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

I've always thought that one of the more cleverer (sure it's a word) story telling techniques used in the Watchmen is the comic within a comic called the Tales of the Black Freighter. It may make the Watchmen a bit harder to read the first time but on the second or third reading you're able to recognize how much the pirate tale relates to the events happening in the main story.

I'm not so sure I'm a big fan of a stand alone DVD, I'm kind of hoping we'll see some directors cut DVD or blue ray that is able to interweave the comic into the main story. I guess including the story into the main film would have pushed running time to almost 4 hours and have you seen the size of the small coke at a movie theater? No way I can hold out 4 hours without a potty break.

Way better than Obama's first press conference

thanks to jalopnik.com

please, please don't do it for me.

This has to be a joke right? The Ballas Hough Band? Who are the marketing genuises that came up with this one? Did they steal a jonas brother?

Hot Babes could fix the MLS

"I really think the WAG culture could really improve MLS. Though, I am guessing that women of semi-ill repute aren’t attracted by a $33,000 a year and a 1995 Honda Civic."

~ tyduffy (of thebiglead.com)

Even though he says "really" twice in one sentence, I think Ty makes a good point. The MLS is never going to be taken seriously as a big time sporting league here in the states until it's players start making some bank. Now don't get me wrong, I actually like the MLS. I'm very excited for the Sounders FC season to start, and last year I watched a handful of really good games on TV. You hear a lot of soccer snobs (especially on-line) complain that the MLS isn't worth watching, but is it really any worse than having to endure 90 minutes of Fulham vs Stoke? or heaven forbid watch any Mexican league hack fest? A Good soccer game is not necessarily dependant on the skill of it's players. I think anyone that watched Brasil vs Italy last night learned that lesson. At a certain level of soccer the stakes get so high a lot of managers will put 10 players behind the ball and just choke the life out of a game. Wow I just strayed away from my point...

Oh yeah, the MLS is clown shoes compared to the other larger professional sports leagues in the states, and sadly it all comes down to money (ok money and fame, but that's just splitting hairs). Say you're a 15 year old Steve Nash, a rep from nike wants you to take part in one of their summer basketball leagues in chicago or New York. Isiah thomas (pre-knick debacle) will be there, and you'll be introduced to all kinds of scouts that can help you find the right college program for you. Maybe you could even skip college and go straight to the pros. Or you could spend your summer playing club soccer for a coach that "says" he played in division 2 SPL in the 80s. He tells your parents that he thinks if you work on your conditioning you could get a scholarship to Seaton Hall! Oh yeah I forgot to mention that if you do play Collegiate division 1 basketball there's a good chance you'll get some cash under the table. Is there really a choice here?

Quite frankly we americans should be proud of our success in soccer. We're ranked 23rd in the world at a sport almost no one here cares about. Imagine if all our best young athletes traded in their hoop dreams for pitch dreams? Sure Didier Drogba is a beast on the field, but what's he gonna do when he goes up for a header against a 6'4 240lb Ray Lewis? You think Run DMB is fast? Imagine Devin Hester making an overlapping run up the right side of the field.

Would you hate him less if he played for the USMNT instead of the Lakers?

Maybe one day we'll get to see that happen. But I tell you what's got to happen first. First we have to stop losing players to the Sweedish and Danish soccer leagues because they're willing to give our MLS all-stars contracts worth more than 80,000 dollars a season.

Special Bonus (for mark) pictures of super WAG Danielle Loyd. She's writing some sort of tell all book that has all the EPL boys nervous.

Pants off Party

Is it weird that he's wearing a jersey underneath another jersey?

Well this looks like it could be fun

Zombies in vegas? Who do I give my 59.99 to?

Someone ate spaghetti in the shower again!

This had me in tears.
via filmdrunk.com

Bi-Mon-Sci-Fi-Con

Is Batman wearing corrective shoes?

Is the New York Comic Con the official start of the comic book convention season? Is there a comic book convention season? Will I go to this years Emerald City Comic Convention? Who really cares? here's some hot chicks and losery looking guys at conventions. Weee!

Skelletor's new arch-foe? The nachos supreme at taco bell

if you have to tell people what you are, you've failed

J. Scott Campbell thinks her breasts are still to small

Mutant Power: Jazz Hands!

You'd think the Empire would offer child care services

Do they just hand out leia outfits to the first 30 girls that show up?

That outfit looks impractical for fighting crime or walking through a sea of dorks

What happened to you Washington? You used to be cool.

Turns out the Washington state department of transportation has no sense of humor.

BELLEVUE, Wash.
A road construction sign that read "Zombies Drools" and "Jalopnik Rules" had motorists in a dangerous situation on Interstate 405 through Bellevue Tuesday night. A Washington State Patrol Trooper noticed the reader board sitting on the side of I-405 at the Wilberton Tunnel with the unusual message and called Seattle dispatch. WSDOT spokesperson Jamie Holter said she believes someone did this to be funny.
"They think it’s funny but it’s extremely dangerous," explained Holter. "First, they have to manually change the reader board so they are standing out on the side of the freeway putting their life in danger. Second, drivers think there are either Zombie’s ahead or it’s a joke, so they stay in the lane. The reader board should be warning drivers their lane is about to end as machinery is in the way. If drivers don’t know to change lanes then it becomes very dangerous."
~from Kirotv.com via jalopnik.com

Wait a minute.... did a spokesperson for the WSDOT just say someone might think Zombie's are up ahead? I have no jokes for that.
What I do have is righteous indignation! I drive this stretch of 405 once or twice a week and every single time there's a pack of idiots that don't merge left after passing the sign. It's almost like a Mario Cart level, people want to hit a couple plastic barrels before they cut you off at the last second. If only I could get the red turtle shells instead of the stupid banana peel, I'd totally show them.

This can't work

null - Watch more free videos

video clips of skateboarders racking their nuts trying to grind a rail are far to low brow for my blog. This clip however is all science... and faceplants.

The Greatest Video game of all time?

Games Radar just posted a great article on the Greatest Game on every platform. It's a great read even if they completely ignored the TI/99. Two of my favorite games of all time are on there (half life and Ultima IV) so they must know what they're talking about.

maybe next year bikini zombie slayers will make the list

Best finisher ever

Some days I wish I was born in mexico to a man named "el diamonte". He would teach me the ways of the lucha libre, and one day after his death I would avenge him in the ring as Diamonte Fantastico. This would be my finishing move. I think I'd call it the Sustantivo, which I think means deathbed or death certificate, I'm cool with it either way.

The Boy that Cried Zombie

I gotta admit if I saw one of these signs on the side of the road I'd do a double take. Nobody really wants to see the zombies rise up and attack, but if they don't then why have I been hording all this mountain dew and toilet paper?

I'm from Buenos Aries and I say stop touching children!

Ummm thanks Johnny Rico?

Rock band sucks

Grandma Incest not classy enough for microsoft? I'm guessing this means no songs from Nashville Pussy in the next update.
image from kotaku.com